What is everyone's advice on offering advice to people?

pinkplatform · 2021-08-31T21:31:58+00:00

You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Sometimes people will rant about stuff publicly just so others can give them some sort of attention. And if you're having doubts about the friendship anyways, I don't think that's a situation you should involve yourself in.

Sage_Planter · 2021-08-31T22:22:28+00:00

Most people don't really want help or solutions, they just want to vent.

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-08-31T21:33:17+00:00

Send her a link to your favorite podcast episode, you don’t even have to say it made you think of her relationship, it could just be a “hilarious witty episode!” Along the same vein, your favorite FDS article from the website or Reddit (tho Reddit can be confusing for people who don’t use it, so website is better). You get the idea.

You can also give her a copy of Why Does He Do That (especially if there is abuse involved) and tell her how much it helped you see the light on abusive behavior, and tell her you think every woman needs to read it, and you just had to share it with your girlfriends/female family members.

Often you don’t know if someone will become really defensive or not if you point out how shit their partner is, so leading them to the water to check their own reflection is sometimes better than telling them they need to look.

gingerandlime · 2021-08-31T23:29:41+00:00

Unasked-for advice is not usually going to be taken well. Maybe you could reach out to her more generally, just meet to catch up and let the conversation go wherever it goes?

lolmemberberries · 2021-09-01T00:02:21+00:00

Only give her advice if she asks. It will only cause you a headache otherwise.

ExistentialJelly · 2021-09-01T01:36:31+00:00

Based on years of experience trying to help friends on crap relationships, I don't. I don't have the time to devote to fixing other people's problems. It just feels like I'm in another bad relationship by proxy. I got shit to do in my life.

spicyspa · 2021-08-31T23:04:22+00:00

I just ask guiding questions. They have to figure out the answers themselves.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-09-01T03:08:40+00:00

After 2 shitty situations with Pickmeisha friends, it’s now my policy to cut myself loose from people the minute they show these tendencies. I had to learn the hard way that they will not hesitate to stab you in back at the drop of a hat whether or not it provides them with any substantive benefit. Pickmeishas who are in deep, are dangerous. They will drag you down.

Send her an anonymous message with a link to FDS and then cut her lose.

sikulet · 2021-09-03T10:18:11+00:00

I’ve been the dead horse’s faithful cheerleader.

I wouldn’t listen despite 3 people clearly telling me to dump him. It took 7 more months of crying over the circumstances I was placed in before I wisened up.

The advise didn’t work. What worked was reading through the handbook or basically seeing the stories of how the other women were also abused / taken advantaged of to recognize that what has been happening was not a matter than can be justified by logical jumps.

sassyheather · 2021-09-01T02:03:14+00:00

I always ask what I can do. Depending on whether they want to vent or they want solutions, I take it from there. But I always give out FDS-friendly advice.

Title	What is everyone's advice on offering advice to people?
Author	OTD-esi
Upvotes	82
Comments	19
Date	August 31, 2021 9:20 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pff5s8/what_is_everyones_advice_on_offering_advice_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-is-everyones-advice-on-offering-advice-to.1065907 https://theredarchive.com/post/1065907

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