What's the thing with planning a pregnancy with your boyfriend and then complaining he hasn't proposed yet?

denimlace · 2021-08-27T00:07:17+00:00

Drama is like water to pickmes and NVMs. They can’t fathom a life of stability and peace. That’s all.

Thesseli · 2021-08-27T00:34:48+00:00

I've said for years the stupidest thing a woman can do is have a child with a man who won't commit to her.

ExistentialJelly · 2021-08-27T03:05:36+00:00

I personally don't understand having kids outside of being married. If the guy is worth having a kid with, he will be serious about commitment for the relationship.

I know far too many single moms who got pregnant with a guy who wasn't serious about them progressing as a unit. They are tens of thousands behind on child support, don't visit the children(causing emotional harm), and the mother is screwed for her life projection. If he won't take himself seriously as a partner, he won't take being a father seriously.

Bad partner=bad parent

fknbtch · 2021-08-27T00:20:20+00:00

and god forbid you ask one of them why they made that decision. you'll be accused of being an uptight religious prude who is shaming them for not being married.

lansburysoda · 2021-08-27T04:40:04+00:00

Unpopular opinion maybe: Women need to stop doing this. Full stop. It’s not just bad for you, it’s bad for children, and it’s bad for society as a whole.

If you want a child, make sure you can afford it on your own first. If a man won’t marry you, don’t make the lifelong commitment of having a child with him. You deserve more. Go to the sperm bank if you want but do NOT tie yourself to an irresponsible man who will potentially ruin your life and your child’s life.

crapcakes0987 · 2021-08-27T04:01:32+00:00

The guy I dated once said, "F*** marriage." But he wants to screw every woman alive. Disgusting human being. If a guy ever says "screw marriage," run for the hills. He did not want to define anything either. They wanna run around and have no commitments to anything. He wanted to run away from everything in his life, especially his trauma from childhood instead of getting therapy. The man you describe and this man I dated are both for the streets.

2021-08-27T13:34:37+00:00

A man who’s fine with making a baby with you but won’t marry you is the biggest red flag there is, and it is a pipeline to poverty for women. It’s absolutely wild that being against this is seen as being “conservative” or antifeminist.

NeurologyDivergent · 2021-08-27T04:44:10+00:00

So I'm not married, have a kid.

First reason, I have a lot more money than my partner and due to family circumstances, will likely always have a lot more money. My partner when I met him had very little, but spent every bit he could on wooing me (he paid for all of our dates and presents and the like). I've never really felt like I needed a man with a good income and focused instead on finding a man who was good with kids and capable of being an equal or more partner in household stuff and childcare.

Second reason, I've had near misses with gold digging bro hos in the past so marriage was not something I wanted to rush into, but I already knew I wanted a kid before I was 35.

One thing I've seen that is missed on this sub in this discussion is that if you are financially well off as a woman, it is not a good idea to rush into marriage. It is extremely important to take your time and make sure that man isn't a gold digger because they do exist and they are looking for a meal ticket.

If you are a capable income provider for yourself and a potential child, you should be careful of who you legally tie your finances to.

honeybadgerattitude · 2021-08-27T13:07:27+00:00

I’ll try and give my perspective to give some understanding but feel free to spot all the red flags I ignored on my journey. Got with my ex young. I was clear about wanting marriage and children in that order. He future faked me. We got engaged quickly. I had a career that was never going to pay much. He had loads of plans about how he was going to support me. After years of engagement none of his plans had worked but all mine had except the marriage and kids part. I loved him and I thought he loved me. I fell in love with an amazing person who became less amazing with each passing year. We got to a point where he was doing ok, I was doing brilliantly. But the huge delay meant that the kids part was becoming more important than the marriage part and besides, we were engaged. So we decided to start trying and we’d get married either before or after depending on the timing. It happened fast! Then he lost his job. The rest, as they say, is history. We did get married in the end though. It just turned out he was waiting so very patiently for the baby trap so that he could turn his constant insidious manipulation and gaslighting into full blown abuse. This is exactly why FDS is needed and why vetting is so important. These men will play a decades long game. I thought my ability to forgive made me a good person. It just made me a good victim. I’ll never gaslight myself again though. Thanks FDS!!!!

jayda92 · 2021-12-19T08:47:22+00:00

I don't get this either. Let him take the steps necessary beforehand. And when he doesn't man up; see that as the conclusion it is.... When it's an accident; he needs to step up and when he doesn't; there's your answer.

This is what stepping up looks like to me; Two weeks ago we found out I'm pregnant. We wanted to wait a year or two, get married, live together, buy our dream house and then start making babies. That was our timeline... But here we are. So my boyfriend (fiance now) told me we will do anything I want. He told me he will love me and the baby unconditionally, but if I want an abortion he would be there all the fucking way and forever. He decided to ask me to marry him now, not only to protect us as a couple, but especially me as a woman ánd our baby. But also because he was already convinced before that we will spend our lives together, and he was already planning and buying. We are visiting houses as of next week. We we're shocked, but he's very excited. Wanted to go strawler shopping immediately! I came home to the baby Hermes horse last week and I nearly cried.. ❤️

Title	What's the thing with planning a pregnancy with your boyfriend and then complaining he hasn't proposed yet?
Author	girl_in_red_costume
Upvotes	483
Comments	23
Date	August 27, 2021 12:01 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pcbsbh/whats_the_thing_with_planning_a_pregnancy_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/whats-the-thing-with-planning-a-pregnancy-with.1065535 https://theredarchive.com/post/1065535

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