Being in a relationship with a HVM doesn’t mean that there will never be issues or that he will never do anything that makes you annoyed/angry with him (although it does mean that this will not happen often, mine has pissed me off twice in a year of dating). The difference between HVM and LVM is in how they react when you tell them how you feel.

One time my boyfriend told me he was leaving a family friends house and was going to come pick me up, so I was expecting him in ~30 min. Then about 20 min later he texted saying he was actually leaving then because he got roped into having a cup of tea before leaving. When he got there, I started telling him that I felt like he disrespected my time and even before I could finish he completely took responsibility, apologized, and promised it would never happen again. Since then, he’s always shown up when he said he would, making accommodations like telling his family friends that he’s leaving 30 min before actually leaving because he knows it always takes longer than he expects. Even more importantly, he made me feel heard and not bad in any way for bringing up my annoyance. In fact, he encouraged me to express when I’m unhappy with something.

In contrast, my LVM ex would constantly show up later than he said he would to pick me up, or say that he’d be free at a certain time and then disappear after I had already made accommodations for him in my schedule. I would constantly tell him this bothered me, and he would go between acting like it was not a big deal, apologizing but then doing it again anyway, or turning it into a pity party “i suck and can’t do anything right, pleeease reassure me.” This was a common thread every time I tried to tell him something he did bothered me. He’d minimize the issue, deflect, make me feel bad/guilty for bringing it up and most importantly he would never change. And this was the same guy who told me I was his entire world and would do anything for me. Anything except doing literally a single thing I asked him to do.

A couple days ago my boyfriend messed up again. He asked me to FaceTime before I was going to bed (we’re long distance for a couple months) and then disappeared for an hour. It turns out his neighbor’s car started leaking gas right after he texted me asking to call (before I responded) and he ran out to help immediately and forgot to tell me. I was mad at him and went to sleep before he got back to explain, but then in the morning I woke up to him profusely apologizing and promising to make it up to me. Later in the day he sent me a cover he stayed up making from scratch of one of my favorite songs (complete with all instrumental and vocals) along with a recorded apology.

It is so refreshing to feel like I can express when I don’t like something and knowing that it will be addressed. It feels incredible to not be gaslit, to not have to repeatedly explain why something makes me feel bad. If something your man does is bothering you, express that to him (unless it’s a red flag, some things are unforgivable obviously)- his reaction will be incredibly telling!