When I Should Have Left

arnezuara · 2021-07-09T12:21:20+00:00

First of all, I completely empathize with your post. I hope you are taking good care of yourself, staying hydrated, well-rested and fed. Grieving the love you shared with someone who did not deserve it is no easy task — I am in the middle of this storm right now, too.

I should’ve never gave him a chance in the first place but should’ve left when I heard him call another woman a slur name.

motioncaptureF · 2021-07-09T12:45:12+00:00

Love it ! Embrace ur anger ! Embrace all of it ! Let it protect you ! Take care queen 🤍

dimsummer- · 2021-07-09T13:50:49+00:00

This feels like a cathartic exercise and I'd like to do my own. I also want to preface it by saying I'm only a month out from the breakup but doing really really well - the silver lining of having a shitty relationship is that everything feels easier once it ends...

I should have left when you made sexist and racist 'jokes'

I should have left when you responded to my discomfort around said 'jokes' by saying they were funny because you don't actually think that way (they weren't funny)

I should have left when you told me you had lied about your age in order to bypass younger women's OLD filters (including mine)

I should have left when you cheated, or when you justified your cheating by complaining about our dead bedroom

I should have left when you blamed our dead bedroom on my past trauma (instead of your unwillingness to make sex good for me)

I should have left when you suggested an open relationship, which I knew I did not want

I should have left when you started talking to women on dating apps even before I (reluctantly) agreed to the open relationship

I should have left when you tried to hook up with our mutual friend after I had stated that was explicitly not ok (can't believe I had to state that at all tbh); I definitely should have left when you did hook up with a mutual friend and waited a week to tell me

I should have left when my aunt died unexpectedly and you offered zero support

I should have left when I had a big career win and you offered zero congratulations

I should have left when you asked me to start paying more than I could afford for rent and groceries (90% of which fed you) - because you wanted to keep the spare bedroom free for hookups instead of finding a housemate

I should have left when YOUR BEST FRIEND told me that you were abusing me emotionally

I could go on but this comment is long enough already. Never again

shinyjewels · 2021-07-09T14:17:34+00:00

Ohh I wanna play!

I should have left when he had sex with me despite my “no’s”

I should have left when he told me that I was too good for him. I was.

I should have left when he told another girl that I was just a friend while going to the movie theater and Coney Island with her alone

I should have left when he walked out on me because I asked him to buy Plan B since my IUD was in the process of expelling

I should have left when he would drink vodka straight from the bottle and try to get me to do the same so he could sexually coerce me

I should have left when he would literally hit my butt too hard when he was drunk and when I confronted him about it, he said I was “too sensitive”

I should have left when he didn’t do the dishes after I had work and school and instead played video games all day. I still cooked for him 🤡

I should have left when he refused to ever take me on any real dates

I should have left when he skipped his med school rotations to play video games

I should have left after I reached out to his ex and she kindly wrote about her experience and it could have come directly from my mouth

I DID leave after he told me that I was “illogical”, that I would never be logical, and that everything I did was wrong and would always be wrong

All in all, 🤡🤡🤡. I’ve been out of that relationship for years now and am currently dating a true sweetheart after years of therapy. Never again.

dimsummer- · 2021-07-09T13:52:35+00:00

Also what is with these men that refuse to hear about their partner's mental health struggles but expect us to be their free therapist. I had the worst year of my life in 2020 (lockdown, relatives dying, shit at work, boyfriend cheating) and all he said was that I should go to therapy because 'I wasn't fun anymore' and he 'didn't enjoy being around me'. Yet I was supposed to listen for hours to all his problems and coddle him until he felt better...

IWannaBeAnArchitect · 2021-07-09T22:29:46+00:00

I should have left the first time you accused me of talking to other men behind your back

I should have left when you freaked out after I told you about a former FWB who was still in my extended social circle, and continued to bring it up in every subsequent argument after I agreed to cut him off out of respect for the relationship

I should have left when you gave me the sob story about your "abusive" ex

I should have left when you told me that boundaries were a "trigger" for you

I should have left when you said you weren't mature enough to be in a relationship with me

I should have left when you had no plan for our date

I should have left when you rolled your eyes at me during a disagreement

I should have left when you told me I had a stupid look on my face as you yelled at me

I should have left the first time you were late

I should have left when I found someone else's lip gloss in your car

I should have left when you said you had a BPD diagnosis

I should have left when you asked me to be your girlfriend right away even though I had said I wanted to take things slow

I should have left when you guilted me into "making it official" with you

I should have left the first of dozens of times you said you wanted to break up

I should have left the first time you used my insecurities to make me feel worse about myself

I should have left the first time you refused to take responsibility for your behavior

I should have left when you discouraged me from talking to trusted others about our relationship

I should have left when you ignored me when I told you I was hungry

queen-wannabe · 2021-07-09T16:55:32+00:00

I’m so proud of every women here acknowledging that what their lv exes did to them was fucking really bad, they deserve to know that it was, no matter how late or early. Most Importantly realize that they’re a good person that deserves only good things happening to them, wholeheartedly. That they’re worthy of love and happiness. That they can create their own future that they’re able to be fully happy in without being dependent on a man doing it for them. I wish you all fine ladies success and hard earned satisfaction in your life. You’re all queens, that deserve respect and iron clad, unshakable confidence, and you should all know that and embed that deep within yourselves. Love y’all ❤️

FirePreferred_theOG · 2021-07-09T13:54:42+00:00

I should have left when you said that going over my deadlift PR by 5lbs was "barely anything".

The longer I lift and the longer I'm exposed to FDS and reflect on HV people in general, the more I see that genuine people will be ecstatic for your wins. It's one thing I love about the powerlifting/crossfit/stronghuman community. The HV people just trying to improve themselves every day and they KNOW that surrounding themselves with and supporting others doing the same is what it's all about. So, for the record - CONGRATULATIONS on your PR!!!!

I'm not going to write a list regarding my LVX as it's been so long I am literally a different person now. It's amazing really. Not only does time heal wounds, but depending on what you do with it, it can change you into someone new. :)

miphasgraceful · 2021-07-09T13:14:54+00:00

My heart goes out to you, OP. I relate to so much of this. 💜 Some of my own that I’ll add:

I should have left when we weren’t having sex, but you were neck-deep in your porn addiction, then defending it.

I should have left when you began to isolate me from my family and friends, telling me that you were the only one who truly understood me.

I should have left when you complained that I was “too fat,” then “too thin,” too anything, instead of manipulating my body to make you happy.

I should have left when I considered plastic surgery because, maybe then, perhaps then, you’d choose me over your porn girls. The results of these procedures have been so short-lived, and you were back on your bullshit again.

I should have left the first time you punched a hole in your wall after we’d had a disagreement and you couldn’t control your anger.

blumoonrising · 2021-07-09T14:57:17+00:00

I should have left when I first witnessed the disrespectful way you treated your mother.

I should have left when you made a joke about my broken ankle and how I "won't be able to run away now".

I should have left when you, my husband, didnt prioritize me over your job to help me after ankle surgery leaving me alone without the ability TO WALK to cook, and tend for myself. Forcing my mother to take time off to help.

I should have left when I realized you lied to me about going to a meeting early and instead you were at Starbucks with a female co-worker.

I should have left when you told me you have never and would never go down on a woman because it's just not your thing.

I should have left when you actively triangulate and made me jealous of any woman in your life including YOUR SISTER.

I should have left when I overheard you telling your buddy (who just noticed my engagement ring) that "she's really cool though" to justify being with a woman that you think is not hot or sexy enough to be loved.

I should have left when you made me give you half of my paycheck when you made 4 times more than I did.

I should have left when you came home at 4 AM on poker nights with no winnings for months.

I should have left when you triangulated me with your female roomate when we first started dating.

I should have left when you gave me hpv even though you only had sex with three partners by the age of 27.

I should have left when you lied about sleeping with the old woman you call your aunt when I point blank asked you.. Since you were triangulating me with her as well.

I should have left when you tossed my engagement ring at me along with a chickfila sandwhich as if I was just an afterthought to your business deal marriage.

I should have left when you wouldn't consummate our marriage on the wedding night..

I should have left when you told me I wasn't the one but it was time to settle down.

I'm glad I did leave after 4 years of constant mental abuse and realized that I AM sexy and deserving of love. That I am a beautiful, big titted, long haired vixen that is the opposite of the skinny, Asian, vanilla women you chased and even they didnt want your hairy back and rounded shoulders. That when I walk into a room people notice because I shine so much more when I love myself. That I have found a true love in a Christian, strong, hard-working, lumberjack of a man that worships the goddess that I am and works hard everyday to show me just how special I am. And That I never have to give half of my paycheck to him and he is literally, physically building me my dream house as we speak. While I sit back, drink my tea and watch my beautiful life displayed in front of me I never even think of you.

kada556 · 2021-07-09T13:59:26+00:00

Good for you OP! It's important to acknowledge and learn from our past. I know I'll never repeat these same mistakes twice..

I should've left when he said that he didn't want to do more than usual to plan a date.

I should've left when he chose a hangout with some random ex- coworkers over a nice, upscale night out with me.

I should've left when he acted bored and stuck himself in a corner at all of my family functions.

I should've left when he got upset that I had my own plans for my future, with or without him.

I should've left when I had to beg and set an ultimatum for him to file for a divorce with his ex.

NAthrowaway0613 · 2021-07-09T12:50:59+00:00

Oh gosh. I have so many similar to that.

I should have left when you called my mom a cunt and I asked you not to and you said “it’s just a stupid word”

I should have left when you couldn’t help that it wasn’t your fault you weren’t as attracted to me because I don’t lift

I should have left when you then laughed at me when I tried to get in shape and you told me it was “pathetic” to watch

I should have left when you never once took me on a date because you “didn’t respect me enough”

I should have left when you told me I was too needy and codependent because I wanted you to be affectionate with me.

I should have left when you dumped me for someone else only to come back.

I should have walked away that first night we got drinks, when all your red flags came out, when you told me who you were, where I could have saved myself the emotional trauma of dating you for two years.

Next time, I’ll leave that date and all the “I should have lefts” won’t exist

lola_cage · 2021-07-09T20:31:48+00:00

I should have never started my relationship with #1 after in our first date he commented that my curly hair was messy.

I should have left when #1 couldn't be bothered that I was crying after I lost my virginity to him.

I should left #1 when I clearly said "NO." and he raped me.

I should have left #1 when he admitted to having a sexual relationship with his cousin.

I should have left when I finally broke up with #1, instead of having a lonely night and getting pregnant by him.

I should left when I told myself #1 would be a shit father and I could raise my son on my own.

I should have left when #1 kept proving me right. Over and over again.

I should have left #2 when he disciplined my son with a spanking so hard it bruised his butt.

I should have left #2 instead of telling him I'd cut his balls off if he touched my son again.

I should have left #2 when he continued to emotionally put down and abuse my son.

I should have left before deciding to have a child with #2 because I "loved him and he took care of me and my son".

I should left when I realized I was actively avoiding #2. All day and all night.

I should have left a LONG TIME AGO, but that was 3 years ago and I did leave.

I made terrible mistakes. I hurt myself. I hurt my sons.I still feel the pain of those decisions.

I'm not that person anymore. I'm not that woman anymore. I'm not that mother anymore.

Sister_cat · 2021-07-09T13:15:05+00:00

Proud of you for realising that you deserve better! Embrace your anger 💗

Suspicious_Bad_5178 · 2021-07-09T13:38:10+00:00

I should have left when I caught you on a lie.

I should have left when you didn't show up for my birthday.

I should have left when you belittled my career.

I should have left when you told me to lose weight.

I should have left when you cheated.

ChikenGod · 2021-07-09T15:56:00+00:00

It was around one month of us being official and I wanted to do something nice for my ex. I told him to come over for a fancy date and I prepared dinner and dressed up really nice. Literally cooked for like 3 hours, lit candles, did my hair and makeup, all that jazz. Sat all night waiting for him to come by and he ended up getting dinner with his new roommates to “bond” instead and came by at 11 pm, instead of 5 pm. At that point I had eaten the dinner, cleaned up, and cried myself to sleep.

When he came over he said he felt bad and I ended up apologizing 🥴 I lied and said I didnt end up making anything and just had a lazy night in, so it was no big deal.

Looking back I wish I just left him then, instead I violated my own boundaries and continually let myself destroy my self worth at the time by staying in that relationship. I’m so embarrassed.

queen-wannabe · 2021-07-09T16:28:00+00:00

It’s a good thing that you’re not with this scumbag anymore and are now realizing your true self-worth to yourself. You have so much more freedom to do a lot more now to better your future for yourself without a man hindering it. You have free reign to do anything you wish and desire, treat and take care of yourself like the queen you are, sis, I broke up with a lvm. It’s been a few months since then but I’m still working on uncovering all of the damage he’s done to me throughout our relationship, if it was even that. It’s okay to realize this a few months later or even years later, it’s entirely, completely fine, you’re not better or worse than somebody else going through the same thing and then them immediately going to therapy after the fact. take as much time as you want when it comes to uncovering and analyzing the trauma that has spawned from it.

Title	When I Should Have Left
Author	Suspicious-Judge-380
Upvotes	457
Comments	30
Date	July 9, 2021 12:10 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ogu8uh/when_i_should_have_left/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/when-i-should-have-left.789569 https://theredarchive.com/post/789569

Comments