Wise words to keep in mind, queens ❤

BusinessPrint1 · 2020-10-01T00:15:57+00:00

You deserve to not live in trauma

CuriousBubbleMilkTea · 2020-10-01T00:58:22+00:00

Thank you so much for the reminder. It's been a difficult week for me with me doubting the breakup, and keep having hope that he will come back one day. But I need to remind myself that he left me. That's the fact.

NowTruly · 2020-10-01T04:46:30+00:00

Pre-FDS, when my husband was balls-deep cheating on me while I was home taking care of our newborn—but before I found out—I think I sensed this to be true, but could never define it out loud.

Since his compensatory NVM tactic at that time was to devalue and demean me at every turn, I was suffering through massive amounts of emotional abuse, as well as some significant post-partum depression.

One night, when I had stumbled on him texting his side dish (but still didn’t realize it), he flame-sprayed me with some truly horrific abuse. It was a fight that came out of nowhere for me (but that he felt he had to instigate, to cover his tracks.) As he hurled more and more abhorrent insults at me, while I was bracing against the wall crying with our newborn in my arms, I felt myself detach and I heard myself say, “Stop before you say something you can never apologize for.”

That’s all he needed. When he sneered at me that my mother should have aborted me when she’d had the chance, I closed my eyes and walked out the door with my kid. My mom had died just that year, and he had really conned her (and me) into thinking he would take care of me when she was gone. She was a strong and devoted woman who loved me fiercely, and that comment would’ve wrecked her if she’d heard it. That was my last straw.

It was after I left that I found out about the lovebombing, isolating, gaslighting and cheating. That all made me know I made the right choice in leaving, but I’m ashamed to admit I still questioned whether I should’ve left over his WORDS in the first place.

That’s why I love FDS. FDS is my mom’s voice, telling me that no one who loves you needs to be reminded to be decent to you. Not ever.

Newwavesupport3657 · 2020-10-01T04:12:39+00:00

One green flag I experienced from a man was him getting annoyed when I basically thanked him for not yelling at me during a heated debate lol. “Well thanks at least for being civil.”

“Don’t thank me for that, in fact, don’t ever thank anyone for that. This is how people are suppose to treat people.”

I really do try and remember that and not trauma fawn.

Also; you can tell a lot by a man by how he reacts to your anger. I wasn’t nasty, but I was angry. I’m use to getting yelled at for being assertive.

Another green light I got was a man telling me that it was actually good to be anger, and I should use it for as long as I needed till I was moved forward because I had a right to be angry. I got pissed at him over something and he did know my past. I don’t remember what I said but I do remember and he was right and I’ll never trust anyone, especially a man, who tells me anger is wrong. It isn’t always wrong. A lot of times women are taught to surpass their anger. It’s why so many women end up depressed. Anger turned inwards leads to depression.

A man who wants you begging and subdues you for anger will leave you unhappy

ceramicunicorn · 2020-10-01T05:07:25+00:00

Question for you all: regardless of who is denying you the basics, if for whatever reason you still have to interact with that person, and you see them consistently treating a person close to them far better than apparently they ever thought you deserved (even though you were good to them) and doing things for others easily that you had to beg them to do for you- how do you deal with that selective neglect? Sure you cut them out if you can, but how do you not wonder about the why of it, not take it personally and not think “Must be me?” and retain self-worth? Do your ever feel like, “What do I have to be to deserve that same treatment?”

This could be how an ex-partner treats a new long term partner, but also how an ex-friend treats a different friend, or how a parent or sibling treats another sibling, or how your boss treats another employee. You get the idea. I struggle with this....

manrypanda · 2020-10-01T06:42:55+00:00

Needed this! Been staring at my phone since being ghosted and am now re-focusing on myself.

VictoriaSobocki · 2020-10-01T03:08:06+00:00

No way

so_crat_ic · 2020-10-01T07:18:03+00:00

plot twist. this person is your son..

eyeloveOLDdoodz · 2020-10-01T04:28:30+00:00

This is my night tonight. Feeling of unworthiness.. reaching out for just genuine love and support, and feeling abandoned as a cry myself to sleep. I know I sound weak, pathetic, I’m sorry,

2020-10-01T10:26:13+00:00

Wish I had this when I was going through my divorce.

calysae · 2020-10-01T12:22:52+00:00

I have never related to something so much before. This explains a lot about my marriage and why I’m so happy single now.

lifedecisions2make · 2020-10-01T21:13:53+00:00

Needed to see this today!

chilitoverde · 2020-10-02T20:11:05+00:00

Y’all should follow @imdatfeminist on IG. She’s the one who originally wrote this and she’s full of gems.

Title	Wise words to keep in mind, queens ❤
Author	royaldetour
Upvotes	1415
Comments	25
Date	September 30, 2020 10:54 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/j2womh/wise_words_to_keep_in_mind_queens/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wise-words-to-keep-in-mind-queens.319613 https://theredarchive.com/post/319613

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