How Hard to Push

Countpudyoola · 2015-05-21T13:43:47+00:00

Some chicks seem to dig the slow buildup over the course of the day. I've got to be honest: if I started prepping her all day with texts and grabbing, then my wife will have already gotten all the sexual attention and validation she needed and my final push to close would be too late.

Other merpers wives seem to like it and it jazzes them up all day in anticipation.

Your wife may be like mine where you need to just initiate with all the foreplay when it can immediately lead to the bedroom.

As for specific statement she made after starfish? Well , you're already realizing something was off so I would have just closed with a smirk and "Yep! Goodnight!"

(Edit) and sometimes a guy just has to grab an ass or boob. So I don't always consider that build up if it's random and impulsive even if I'm just on the way out the door.

alpha_n3rd · 2015-05-21T13:49:17+00:00

But I feel like these efforts have mostly been met with annoyance.

She's not feeling attracted to you

"I can't get your beautiful ass out of my head today ;)"

Comes off a little bit needy

That night we get in bed and I initiate. She acts annoyed, but takes off her pants and we end up having sex. She is totally starfish for the whole thing. Not engaged at all. Definitely no orgasm on her part.

Next time STOP when you realize it's bad sex. Proceed to ignore her with great prejudice for some time. Like a couple of days. When she gets pissed about it, good, now she's responding.

Two words: Dread. Game.

Always be initiating and escalating. But if she's a frosty bitch flip the switch and ignore her for a while. Condition her by only making yourself available to her when she's not a bitch.

What else are you doing for dread game?

RPAlternate42 · 2015-05-21T14:42:42+00:00

If she starfishes, you have a few options:

If she is acting like a despondent hooker, then treat her like a despondent hooker: SF sex is degrading to you, she expects to be treated like a prissy princess. If she's just lying there, tell her to turn over, be direct and commanding; give an order. Go doggy and don't be tender about it. Don't talk to her during, don't care about her feelings or her body. Finish, push her off of you and then leave the room for the rest of the night... Sleep on the couch if you must. The feeling of non connective sex resonates with some women. Ignore her as if you didn't have sex (dread.). I only recommend doing it once.
starfish is the same as rejection: SF sex is the lowest form of sex. A HJ is better because at least she's involved.. If she goes SF, stop. Tell her, "this isn't doing anything for me; you aren't turning me on." And then go do something else, ignore her (dread). If you don't like it, you don't have to deal with it.
BJ instead of sex: she has already said you cumming is the important part, so if she starfishes, tell her you want a BJ. When she says no and inevitably offers the SF say, "that's not what i want." Any pushback should be met with the same, "I want a BJ". If she pushes to hard, leave.

Anytime you turn a starfish down, you need to remember OI and remind yourself that she is rejecting you... Not the other way around.

theultmatecad · 2015-05-21T13:28:42+00:00

Would it make sense to not initiate as much? No, keep it up. Alphas want sex

Am I pushing too fast without having increased my SMV enough? Definitley keep working on your SMV. Try light dread to speed things along

BluepillProfessor · 2015-05-21T14:36:58+00:00

This is a woman who does not have the Dread. She sees sex as totally utilitarian- it is just another nasty, dirty thing I have to do to keep my provisioning coming.

The solution? DREAD!!!!!! Put simply, you are not doing it right. Initiating is NOT part of Dread.

I would initiate as often as you have BUT I would STOP completely if she tried the starfish routine. Pull it out, zip it up, and just smile at her, perhaps even with a bit of sad melancholy, and then say something like, "Not interested in fucking somebody who acts like I gave her a rouphie." Don't be bitchy or pissy, just be matter of fact. DO NOT GET INTO AN ARGUMENT ABOUT THIS. If she freaks out, then so much the better. Then leave the house for a couple hours.

You need to pull back from your wife and give her room to meet you more in the middle.

As I see it you are still on level 1-2 Dread. You are beginning to respond to Shit Tests and you are lifting weights. Great! Now get busy and get a full, active life THAT DOES NOT INVOLVE YOUR WIFE (level 3). This greatly increases you SMV in her mind. After that, start conditioning your availability to her with her treatment of you (level 4). This trains her to treat you appropriately. You simply don't have time for a starfish, disinterested, bitchy, crabby, rude wife.

TheWolfMMSL · 2015-05-21T14:28:57+00:00

Keep pushing. Here's why:

You are early in this process and you need to upset the balance. For too long, you let her think that she could get away with not having sex with you and that you were o.k. with that. You need to make her realize that YOU WANT SEX. Later, when you've established a new baseline that you want sex all the time, you can initiate a little less and create a sense of dread in her. At this point, backing off will just put things back to the way they were.
Sex, even not-so-good sex, is going to make her more interested in sex. Most women have to get kind of 'geared-up' for sex, and sex often makes them want more sex. Plus, depending on the type of bc y'all are using (this won't work if you use condoms), but getting sperm inside her increases her testosterone, which is going to make her want sex more.
As u/Countpudyoola suggested, this is a learning process. You need to learn what works and doesn't work for YOU (and her). The only way you can figure things out is by pushing and trying new things.

Keep going. Things will get better.

Sepean · 2015-05-21T14:52:56+00:00

I text her "I can't get your beautiful ass out of my head today ;)"

Don't compliment her like that. It's pointless at best, it won't make her like you more. It might even reinforce her idea that she's above you in SMV.

Tell her stuff that makes her like you. You're a sexual being, you're communicating intent, and her compliance is implied and expected. You're a dominant alpha. That's what turns her on.

My first flirty text to my wife was something like "I'm going to stick my fingers and cock so deep in your tight little pussy tonight." I thought she was going to think I was a freak and get offended, but she phoned me when she was driving home from work and said thanks for the sweet text. Granted I was good on the SMV at that point and if you're not there yet it might come across as creepy - but "I'm going to fuck you good tonight" is much better than some compliment.

The same with when you're fucking her. If she's starfish, don't get sad or hesitant or whatever. Either leave, or fuck her like you don't give a shit about her; you're getting yours and having fun with her body, banging it hard.

Don't touch her after sex. You got yours, you're relaxed and content. You don't need to cuddle her or validate her. If she wants to snuggle up to you, let her.

dandar4600 · 2015-05-21T15:48:25+00:00

You've swallowed the pill a month ago. According to you, your wife's SMV is still higher than yours. Fixing that should be your #1 goal. Keep losing weight, keep initiating.

Stop with texting. That's one of the bad advices that MMSLP gives. They are fine once you're cut and living the red pill life but right now they are just you needing her more. Only respond to her texts if you have to. Don't initiate them.

Stop tolerating bad sex. If one of the mods advice doesn't help, you can always get off her with disgust and leave the room. State that you would rather have no sex than bad sex. If she says fine, then you won't be having sex, you can always correct her by stating you won't be having sex with her.

Also be mindful of being a bad lover. Read SGM if you're done with Red Pill 101 material.

battery_licker · 2015-05-21T14:03:08+00:00

Whether you're pushing for sex with the right level of intensity is the wrong thing to focus on. The right thing to focus on is her sexual arousal. As others have said, increasing your SMV is essential. You also need to be an expert on female sexual arousal in general (MMSL and Rational Male will help) and her sexual arousal in particular (nothing can help you with that; you'll just need to figure that out by experimentation).

RedCML · 2015-05-21T21:50:07+00:00

It's progress. Not huge progress. It's a small step. Keep it up.

Title	How Hard to Push
Author	walkingdeadbed
Upvotes	7
Comments	31
Date	May 21, 2015 1:08 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/36r1c9/how_hard_to_push/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/how-hard-to-push.201876 https://theredarchive.com/post/201876

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