I'm NOT sorry

Redneck001 · 2015-07-21T17:11:40+00:00

I've given up on apologizing. I just don't do things I need to apologize for, so I'm not apologizing.

Now, one caveat: I will apologize at funerals or deaths with a "I'm sorry for your loss."

But unless I royally fuck up, nope.

Now, I'll skirt an official apology with "mistakes were made", "I accept responsibility" and "I hate that ....", but no more "I'm sorry."

What are some other ways to deal with a shit test where I am expected to apologize?

Best thing to do is laugh and walk off, if you're not comfortable with cocky/funny. Although my favorite is "The Look."

You know it. The one your boss gives you when you speak out of turn or say something stupid in a meeting.

That look that older men give you when you overstep your bounds.

That "raise the eyebrows, look down the nose, lock eye contact for a few seconds" look that high value men have given you all your life.

The look that says, without a word, "That was the most ridiculous, ill-timed thing anyone has ever said."

That look.

angels_fan · 2015-07-21T17:25:36+00:00

I know this is a somewhat unpopular view on this sub, but I will say I'm sorry when it's appropriate... which is very rare.

One such time, my wife had a small home business she was running. There was no business coming in, and I said, "What are you doing all day?"

Well, she went off on about 50 things she had done that day to better the business. Coupled with the insane amounts of stress she had already placed on herself, I could see how that was a completely asshole thing to say. The appropriate response was, "Wow, babe. I'm sorry. I didn't know you were working so hard. Good job on everything you did today!"

It's reserved for very special fuck ups, but it has not been completely removed from my vocabulary.

mr_one_liner · 2015-07-21T19:17:04+00:00

I always agree and amplify.

Her: "You did something wrong!"

Her: "Yep, I'm the worst. Thinking of ways to do it worse next time."

It's sort of an implicit admission of guilt (by not outright denying fault) while still being playful. Win/win.

ford_contour · 2015-07-21T18:24:09+00:00

"I have done nothing wrong, and I want you to know that when I apologize, I mean it. I am not going to cheapen it by apologizing when I have done nothing wrong."

Really excellent explanation of the principle. I may use that at some point. Thanks.

Countpudyoola · 2015-07-21T20:01:14+00:00

Ingrained verbal patterns can be tough to stop.

One way to kick that habit is to consciously sub it with "Oops" "Oh". Or "Oh , that sucks."

"I'm feeling sick."

"Oh, that sucks."

"You dropped your pencil on my foot"

"Oops"

"Oh. I disagree."

On you get those in place it's easier to trim them later.

TrainingTheBrain · 2015-07-21T16:54:51+00:00

"Don't you have something to say? Are you going to say you're sorry?"

If my wife fucking said this to me I'd just answer, Yes, I do have something to say, get your fucking ass over here, she'd start to step and I'd jump forward grab her by the ass lay a fucking hard kiss on her and end it abruptly and walk away with a fucking grin on my face.

Fuck her, I'm not apologizing for shit if I didn't do anything wrong. Even if I did, she's my wife, lover, mother of my kids, my friend, my sperm dumpster, and many other things...but my wife is not my mother.

Don't entertain her by explaining yourself, don't take her seriously, and don't fucking ever apologize if it isn't absolutely genuine.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-07-21T20:46:32+00:00

Sometimes when you really screw up I think you can give a non-apology apology like: "I am sorry that you feel I did....or (my favorite) "Mistakes were made....this is how we correct them moving forward.

Groveling apology? Not so much.

OP's wife is reframing these issues because OP is invested in her opinion to much. Stay the strong stoic masculine man and don't get drawn into her emotional maelstroms.

Archwinger · 2015-07-21T18:53:10+00:00

Never apologize. Never admit wrong. Never show weakness.

The times you do that will be ammunition the next time she comes at you. She is not on your side.

dandar4600 · 2015-07-21T17:35:33+00:00

Hmm, I used to say I'm sorry all the time. Now I'm not sure I remember the last time I apologized for something. You apologize for something you feel deserves an apology. For everything else you can use fogging or acknowledge your mistake and move on. No need to say I'm sorry for every little thing. It means more that way when you actually do say it.

recon_johnny · 2015-07-21T18:19:07+00:00

I lived in England when I was young. I'm sorry, but...was a staple of all conversation:

I'm sorry, but you're an asshole. I'm sorry, no, I can't give two shits. I'm sorry, you completely screwed the pooch and there's no way out.

It's beta verbiage when you don't actually have something to be sorry about. Change it. I stopped, started using direct eye contact, changed my voice to deeper, stronger...etc.

It's made a big difference.

I've been shit tested with "you need to apologize". I stated, "No, no I don't." I'll sometimes follow up with: "I'm not responsible for your feelings, you've chosen to react this way..." based on the situation. Mostly, "No, there's nothing for me to apologize for" works.

With a wife/ltr, yeah, you'll find that you do things 'wrong'. A sincere apology--brief and to the point--is best. Not some drawn out BS. If you apologize when needed, and not when she demands it, then the cycle should break. You know she's only doing it because of your past behavior, right?

RedPillJax · 2015-07-21T19:10:36+00:00

I had the same problem, and am trying to overcome the same hurdle.

Despite being fairly alpha from university onwards, I've always said 'I'm sorry' far too frequently. Is it raining? Sorry to make you come out in this. Did I ruffle her feathers through some strange twisting of what I said? I'm sorry. On and on and on.

After a fairly nuclear shittest this last weekend, I laid it out for her. Always looking to find the worst in what I say isn't going to be tolerated. We're adults, and responsible for our own feelings. If she wants to get offended by something I say, that's on her.

I know, I know - acta non verba, but it was a conversation that needed to be had, and I think it went well. Stoicism and OI if she hadn't taken it well meant I was ready to walk and continue on my journey. She knew it, and she reacted appropriately. Now we'll just have to see if I actually have been maintaining frame enough to make it happen.

Best of luck - never apologize unless you're really, truly in the wrong and genuinely feel horrible about it.

The_Litz · 2015-07-21T20:08:50+00:00

Nothing wrong with the words per se if you were actually REALLY wrong, but thats it, no explanation needed. Sorry about that. Right way Sorry about that, I thought you said I can have the last scone love. Wrong way.

OpiumPhrogg · 2015-07-21T21:35:49+00:00

I was actually working on a post similar to this. Mine was going to be that the first crucial baby step to take is to mentally eliminate the words "I'm sorry." from your vocabulary. It's not as easy as one may think, but it actively gives you a mental pause to re-evaluate your position and put the sidebar to use.

leftajar · 2015-07-22T18:52:29+00:00

This triggers a meltdown that, so far, I have averted by changing the subject. Since then, I keep it short and simply say, "no," don't respond, leave the room, or change the subject.

Sounds like you've replaced apologize with running. She knows she still owns you if she can drive you out of the room like that.

Just face her, man. You're going to have to do it eventually. What are you really afraid of?

Bellum00 · 2015-07-22T11:40:36+00:00

First respond with humour, then ask her slightly annoyed/disappointed to knock it off, then command her to stop or you will revoke insert some form of commitment.

However, if you fucked up you should indeed apologize and make amends (because nothing is more worthless than an empty apology).

Title	I'm NOT sorry
Author	TheStrenuousPelican
Upvotes	20
Comments	35
Date	July 21, 2015 4:42 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3e37f3/im_not_sorry/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/im-not-sorry.201396 https://theredarchive.com/post/201396

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