Mini FR on a shit test.

First of all a bit of background.

For the last 7 or 8 months things have been difficult work wise in that we had a couple of big debtors fold, and since then a lot have been paying late. This has put me in a place where I have to make difficult decisions regarding payment for production materials and wages and creditors on a minute by minute basis. This makes me mentally tired when I get home at night, but I still spend time with the kids and apart from doing my share of the chores I also try to help with hers. We also moved to a much bigger house in April last year, basically renovated it from floor to ceiling, but there is still a lot to do outside like installing the sprinkler system, moving the pool pump, big stuff that I like to do myself. Digging trenches and so forth.

Que the shit test

I have previously mentioned that my wife has outstanding control over her emotions, that makes it hard to identify a shit test, because it comes across as a rational discussion. Put the kids to bed last night and was sitting at our breakfast nook which is between the open plan kitchen and the living room. Wife comes over and says she has something she needs to talk about.

Me: Let me put my oh-oh face and my deer in headlights eyes on first please. Big smile.

Her: I don't trust you at all. Here it comes I thought, back to where were you last week when you disappeared did you fuck somebody else... blah blah. I was getting ready to STFU and walk away.

Me: So what did I do that made you lose your trust in me?

Her: You never fix the things that need fixing when you say you are going to. The stool from the breakfast nook has a hole in the seat that you were suppose to take in to the upholsterers a week ago. The curtain railing has a loose wallplug that you said you would fix last weekend... All sorts of nitty gritty things that I promised I would do but is taking to long according to her.

Me: Yes, I can see that you would lose your trust in a husband that promises to do things and then doesn't do it. I did promise after all, and a high value man keeps his promises as best he can. I thought we would be done with this but then she continued.

Her: I will never be able to trust you again.... dafuq????

I wanted to keep myself from deering, but fuck this.

Me: You shouldn't trust me at all honey. This is all part of my evil plan. To buy a bigger house, move you and the children closer to your work and their school, just around the corner from your parents. Then to spend a lifetime worth of savings on renovating the inside of that house so you can be comfortable and your children have double the space that they had. And then to spend another shitload of time and money and backbraking labour to establish a garden with yards of grass so that our children can play outside, and fix up the security so we can spend more time living and less time worrying. And then to NOT do little things on time so you can lose your sacred trust in me to provide for you a comfortable living and give you an outstanding reason to divorce me because how can anyone expect you to live with such a man. It took me a long time baby, but it seems my plan is finally working, I'm just pissed that you figured it out...

Her: fuck you, you know that is not what I meant.

Me: Well, that is what you said, and now my evil plan is laid on the table.

She turned around with what seemed like a tear in her eye and said nothing. I made coffee for me and sat down again, well and truly not feeling a fucking iota of remorse.

Later I sat down next to her and said that I also don't trust her anymore. She takes the kids to school and does a full day of working. She buys the groceries and keeps the house in order. But I asked her last week to bring me roof sealant... she owns half of a hardware store and that is where she works... so I can fix the slight leak we have when it is raining hard.

Later I spooned her in bed and had one arm over her body with a boob in my hand. I used to sleep like this every night until she got so repulsed at beta me that she told me to not touch her while she sleeps. Last night I got a very slight scolding about touching her tits while she wants to sleep. I told her that this is how I am going to fall asleep from now on, I don't have boobs of my own and I am confiscating hers for my own personal use. If she doesn't like it she can leave. We fell asleep like that and woke up with her legs intertwined in mine and her arms draped over me.

This is a first for me as far as shit tests go, and I am sure I am going to miss them more than catch them. But every time I learn, my neurological pathways form new memories. One day maybe I will be like Bogey, and swat them away like flies.

EDIT: I nearly forgot to add what this post is all about. I am slowly starting to have fun. I walk around with smile on my face while at home the whole time. Nothing she can do fazes me, and even when I lose frame and start deering, most of the time now i switch my tone as if I am talking with someone that I placate with a little sarcasm... "The A/C is too cold"... Yes dear, it is. "I had a rough day at work today".... Yes dear, I imagine you had. Its fun to take the piss out of her like I used to, I get called an asshole at least twice a day for the last couple of days.

TL:DR Feel like I passed my first shit test after seeing it for what it is.