I've been a /MR reader for a number of years. Ive learned a great deal, both about myself, and society. And, for the most part, the knowledge I've gained here has helped me in life; I've escaped an abusive relationship, and learned how to protect myself against the legal destruction that women can wield so casually. Most importantly, I have learned not to be ashamed of my gender or sexuality.
But. This freedom is coming at a price im not sure I can afford. As I learn just how deep the misandry is in our culture, the more I feel alienated from it. Women especially. When I am forced to interact with females, I feel a fear that is beginning to curdle into hate.
When I go to the grocery store, I see the housewives, plump and happy and serene as they stride down the aisles. Chatting with their BFF on their cell phones, they give off a glow that only those who have their mealticket and children secure in their futures can create. The men, on the other hand, look tired, ragged, and -theres no other word for it- frightened.
In academia, I see groups of female phd's standing in groups, making darkly humorous bon mots about their male colleagues. I see those same women openly state how "they dont expect much from males" when referring to their own students.
I remember in graduate school watching a group of fellow students, all female, standing around a boom box playing "angry johnny" by Poe, their eyes tightly shut, biting their lips with dark joy over the thought of killing a man.
I think of these things, and I hate. i am so ashamed to admit it, but i hate. I know in my forebrain that there are women who dont resent men for existing, and who think of men as human beings and not tools, children, or monsters. But in my long life, I have never met one.
How do you guys cope with society? How do you not just shut yourselves in and never come out? How do you push your knowledge aside and make friends with a group of people with the legal power to destroy you?
I am aware of how crazy my post sounds. Please note that I am a deeply sensitive, empathetic person who could never hurt anyone. I just cant stand that half of the population simultaneously views us as something to fear, and something to mock.
[–]theAnalepticAlzabo 59 points60 points61 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[+]saturdayd [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
Being in an abusive relationship might be something you want to focus on if you do go to therapy. I was raped legitimately as a teeneager (I'm a female)- never pressed charges because I was so ashamed, but I hated that man for years. Until I ran into him again and realized that I wasnt afraid of him anymore. I never went as far as rage towards other men but I realized that anger was a cover for fear and hurt, like you pointed out. You took that fear a step further and applied it to all women.
Neither gender is innately bad. Despite my experience (and many, many others with "bad" men), I have a happy, equal marriage to a great man. I have amazing brothers. A step father who has made a huge difference in my life. I love and respect these men because we meet on a human level rather than me viewing them as a collective evil.
[–]The_Broken_Nigel[S] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+]saturdayd [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I would resent feeling like there was power being held over my head as well but again, I would direct that to the cause which is found on an organizational level. Thats the root of change. Getting angry at the cause and using that anger for change. Women, as individuals, arent the cause-even if some lack integrity and use their power to hurt others. Most women are aware of what the organizations have set up to give them power over men, I'm very aware of it, but I have loving, meaningful relationships with the men in my life and would never dream of using it against them. Even if my husband and I separated (and we've come close once) I know that even if he wasnt the one I was meant to be with, that he's still an excellent father and that I would be hurting me, him, and my child by interfering with his rights as a father. I also dont believe in alimony. Your goal should be to surround yourself with men and women with integrity and who share the same views. There are enlightened people out there who want true equality. I work in the caregiving field where many of the men in my life have been falsely accused of abuse (all obviously investigated and unfounded) and every single time I'm just as pissed and hurt that there are people out there that would be so flippant about hurting these men that I love for petty reasons. I like to clarify that I was legitimately raped because I have seen so many false accusations and its a knee jerk reaction to separate my experience from theirs. I guess to sum it up, women are hurt by this imbalance of power as well and can be a support rather than "the bad guys".
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