Question for you gentlemen (not technically specific to MR, but in relationships in general)

hardwarequestions · 2012-12-09T01:47:22+00:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FgMLROTqJ0

xLadyVirgil · 2012-12-09T00:48:50+00:00

Once that barrier has been breached, it normalizes physical abuse and intimidation. I would advise either gender to leave a relationship as soon as such behavior is introduced, especially if the physical abuse is being used to control and/or shut down arguments.

That being said, if your partner is threatening your person, "smack" the shit out of them and get to safety. Using force to defend yourself is perfectly reasonable, but crossing into the realm of unwarranted violence is where the problem lies.

LulzGoat · 2012-12-09T19:04:16+00:00

If either I or my SO did something stupid I think it's deserving of an open handed smack. That being said, I'm talking about cheating, breaking the law, or even pathologically lying. But if you're just ticked off and are beating your SO to relieve stress then that's totally wrong and probably worth considering breaking the relationship at that point. Perfect example is that girl beating her boyfriend on the train or a drunkard beating his/her SO.

2012-12-09T20:47:35+00:00

There is a difference between something being bad and instantly relationship destroying.

hellohaley · 2012-12-09T08:04:11+00:00

Sorry if I'm not allowed to post here...I'm a girl. But there were some related posts on /r/relationships (i think) about hitting/being hit by SO's. The consensus seemed to be hitting was grounds for walking away immediately but no one mentioned domestic abuse or involving authorities. There was some variation between guys on their opinions about open handed slapping, but it seemed to run along the lines of if it was intended to inflict pain (not jokingly) or became a persistant behavior, they walked away from the relationships, which I'm glad they did.

Personally I never have and never will hit an SO in any way shape or form (unless I seriously needed to defend myself), nor do I think it's ok for women to hit men ever. If someone did something really terrible to me (male or female, relationship or not), I would try to control myself and handle the situation with dignity but I've never been in that situation before, and don't know how tempting it would be.

I would walk out on a relationship that included any kind of hitting like that, but I wouldn't get authorities involved. It seems like something petty they shouldn't really have to deal with. Yeah if someone is getting seriously abused/beaten, of course. But a slap would pretty much just sting and eventually you'd be fine. Police have better things to do with their time. (Just my opinion!)

DerickBurton · 2012-12-09T00:54:03+00:00

I think that we take things like this far too seriously. If my girlfriend smacked my face, I would twist her arm behind her back, bend her over and then spank her bottom. That would teach her never to do it again.

Of course, serious abuse must be reported but there is a worrying trend these days of getting the authorities involved in domestic disputes that we should, and can, resolve ourselves.

2012-12-10T17:56:44+00:00

It's never ok to hit someone unless you're defending yourself. With that said an open-handed smack is NEVER acceptable because it is never a technique you would be using to defend yourself. It is instead commonly used as a punishment (most often by women towards men) and IS Domestic Violence.

With that said, if it is a joke and is softened so as not to hurt, that of course is not cause for alarm. The issue is that it is a kind of violence which women think they entitled to commit against men. Newsflash: YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO SLAP MEN

rightsbot · 2012-12-09T00:42:18+00:00

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memymineown · 2012-12-09T01:03:19+00:00

Unless I ask for it any abuse towards me in a relationship is domestic violence.

I wouldn't dump them on the spot but would make it a requirement for our continued relationship that they get help.

ghebert001 · 2012-12-09T04:02:31+00:00

If you can't find a non-violent means of dealing with your significant other's shitty behaviour, then they're not worth keeping around. It's not like everyone needs a good smack now and then, just the few crazy assholes or bitches that you shouldn't be associating with in the first place. If you establish boundaries early on and enforce them, don't fall for their shit-tests and curb any entitled princess or bitch behaviour then it shouldn't get to the point where a smack is needed to "keep her in line" as they say. If it gets to that point, then dump them and find someone who doesn't constantly push your buttons.

Chaosdada · 2012-12-09T04:44:20+00:00

Absolutely unacceptable. I would dump my girlfriend, if it happened more than once or twice. It is domestic violence - a very mild form, but nontheless somthing I would not tolerate.

themountaingoat · 2012-12-09T00:53:13+00:00

I wouldn't think that it is necessarily worth breaking up over or going laying charges but I think the person would need to express remorse or it is a sign of major problems. Not 'please please forgive me' type remorse, but an acknowledgement that what they did was wrong and they won't do it again.

Edit. Of course context is important. These things can be provoked, and the person who hit the other is not always the only one to blame. In some cases minor violence is not necessarily what caused the problem, excessive screaming, escalating the situation, and getting up in someone's face can be just as problematic.

jolly_mcfats · 2012-12-09T01:21:15+00:00

Honestly, that level of aggression isn't ok with me. I've broken up with women who thought it was ok to scream and yell off and on for the entire evening when we had a disagreement. I'd rather hang out with myself than put up with someone that can't work through things like an adult.

So- it's not acceptable to me. But I wouldn't personally call a domestic abuse hotline for being slapped- I'd just tell the girl to leave. Then again, I'm lucky in that abuse is a total turnoff to me, and I don't ever face the dillemma of being "in love" with someone who acts that way, because acting that way kills whatever feelings I have for them.

A lot of women really seem to think that being a sponge for abuse is part of the job of the boyfriend. I really don't know where this expectation comes from.

One thing to keep in mind is that men know that any domestic disturbance report is going to be a very big deal for them. So if you are shouting at them loud enough to worry the neighbors, they aren't just dealing with you, they are dealing with worries about the police.

MechPlasma · 2012-12-09T04:23:30+00:00

Two things:

Firstly, it needs to be something that's agreed to be acceptable beforehand. An out-of-the-blue hit should be considered assault. But if it's in a relationship where neither person cares much about slight pain, then it's cool I guess.

Secondly, it can't be out of simple anger. There are times when slapping someone might be okay, such as when someone is going crazy or panicking, or when they say/do something extremely offensive that they had no idea would be so offensive. But if, for example, a partner buys a new car without asking for permission first, and the other partner hits them for it, then that's definitely domestic abuse.

Title	Question for you gentlemen (not technically specific to MR, but in relationships in general)
Author	xLadyVirgil
Upvotes	6
Comments	27
Date	December 9, 2012 12:41 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/14iv6j/question_for_you_gentlemen_not_technically/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/question-for-you-gentlemen-not-technically.1007114 https://theredarchive.com/post/1007114

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