Why Marriage Is Never Coming Back

pointycollars · 2010-09-28T20:44:53+00:00

Best line: "We're now in the age where marriage is as optimal as hunting squirrels with a stick."

theta71 · 2010-09-28T22:20:48+00:00

I'm close to 40 have already been divorced and have found someone that I have been happy with for more than 5 years. I'm not saying marriage is a good thing and it is definitely not a necessity. I am saying that marrying someone in your 30's is much better than when you are in your 20's because at least you know who you are. If you want to start a family I think it is better to be married. For guys that already have built up a business or assets and meet a girl, you should definitely get a pre nup.

But I think the post was mostly from the point of view of a 23 or 25 year old. Fucking hot chicks is fun and usually it stays fun, but there does come a time when you are tired of the rat race (just like the rat race of making a living) and when you meet a cool girl that you can chill out spend time with and share a life is definitely rewarding.

So my advice, don't think about marriage until at least 32 and don't get married until at least 35. Enjoy your youth, you only live once.

gluteyfeeling · 2010-09-28T15:49:10+00:00

Somebody should pass the memo to millions of white knights still believing in the Disney fairy tale, blithely unaware of the vast statistically improbability lying between their marital bliss make-believe and the actual reality..

nanomagnetic · 2010-09-29T01:45:24+00:00

I can't believe how many people are lapping up this absolute bullshit. Sure, the industrial revolution changed marriage. Instead of securing lineage and wealth, attraction and compatibility became the primary reasons couples got married.

But stable human settlements -- not in danger from rocks, starvation, or wild animals -- have existed for thousands of years with a more nuanced understanding of marriage. Even less stable communities [hunter-gatherers or nomads] have recognized marriage as more than just "survival." Pre-modern humans were not constantly in danger from rocks, wild animals, starvation, and disease, and so marriage was not a survival mechanism.

Is this guy arguing from a pre-hunter era of humanity? Is he basing the modern transformation of marriage on pairing and mating from a time when we were simple prey in the savanna? Could these ancestors really have conceptualized marriage?

Seriously, somebody get this guy an anthropology textbook.

ignatiusloyola · 2010-09-28T20:53:36+00:00

While I get the point of the post, it seems a little silly to claim that marriage was devised back when people were hunter-gatherers...

While I agree that some form of common union seems to date back quite far into social history, it seems premature to say that this has always been "marriage".

antipeoplemachine · 2010-09-28T19:01:05+00:00

You know, I agree with a lot of what this guy says. But, does it seem to anyone else that there is a hefty undercurrent of misogyny on that board?

toastedpirate · 2010-09-28T17:22:40+00:00

Companionship? Sex? Tax breaks? Help with finances? I'm not sure why I should get married anymore and this guy seems to cover it. I love the girl I'm dating currently, and everything looks like we're headed towards a future together but I keep asking myself; How do I make this girl happy? I can't and I won't. Why do I keep doing things she wants to do and I don't? Why do I feel the need to pay for everything when she makes probably double what I make?

I'm not so sure marriage is coming back either.

Almustafa · 2010-09-29T21:57:15+00:00

"In truth, marriage isn't natural. It was survival optimization."

Isn't survival optimization the definition of evolution? So by extension evolution isn't natural, or marriage actually is natural.

s0nicfreak · 2010-09-28T18:49:53+00:00

This is true if you are in your early 20s and haven't yet realized that sex without love feels good in the moment, but ultimately leaves you feeling empty. But once you realize that you want to love and build a life with someone - not for survival but for happiness and fulfillment - it's not true. Sure, some people never want that, but some do.

Unless all the benefits of marriage are given without actual marriage, marriage isn't going away. I do not really see this as a MensRights issue, but as an Unmarried Persons' Rights issue.

Say you want to have kids, and agree that one parent should stay home and homeschool those kids. Now what happens to that stay at home parent if the working parent dies? They may now be unable to get into the bank accounts, get access to the investments, etc. Or lets say a couple with children is unmarried and the mother dies - custody defaults to the mother's parents, and if they don't want to turn over custody to the father, he may not get it. However if married, custody usually defaults to the husband. If a husband dies or a couple divorces, a stepmother or exstepmother can fight for visitation of her stepchildren and although it is rare there have been cases of them winning - as far as I know there has never been a case of an unmarried partner successfully getting visitation of "step" children. There have been cases of unmarried partners and adopted children being denied access to their dying partner in the hospital ( http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/19/health/19well.html ).

Sure there are contracts, wills, etc. where you can say "[my partner] gets the kids, money, can come into my hospital room" etc. but these are often disregarded if unmarried.

cynwrig · 2010-09-29T00:02:01+00:00

I liked this comment:

It would be interesting to pinpoint when the technological shift occurred ... much like the cotton gin is usually credited with making slavery obsolete, it would be neat to identify a specific turning point for marriage going from necessary to mere tradition.

I'd argue that the shift occurred with corporate globalism. If you can move large numbers of immigrants around, who needs to raise kids? Its cheaper to just import your talent, or move the job where the talent is if you can. If you don't need kids, then why bother with marriage?

Psychovore · 2010-09-29T02:40:21+00:00

As a middle-class white American, my lifestyle and social enviornment are pretty much screaming at me to get married. When I was a child, it wasn't even an option. Get married, have 2.5 kids, live the dream. Now that I'm "growing up" i really don't know, any more. I'm with a girl who, if I was still in the marriage mindset, I'd marry at the drop of a hat. She's really that amazing. But I'm not. I just don't see the point of Marriage, and I'm glad random people on the internet can write about it in a more eloquent way than I. Props to this fellow.

classicman · 2010-09-29T06:20:38+00:00

DAE think it was going to be about Cadillacs?

melb22 · 2010-09-29T04:25:00+00:00

Be careful accepting this advice. Feminists gave women similar advice in the 1980s and 90s. Marriage was outmoded, they said, and women were better off being independent. Although few women rejected marriage outright, many were influenced to postpone it. Inevitably, when these women found out how important family is, many were bitterly angry with feminists.

Family is important to men too. Having a wife who loves you and looks up to you and depends on you and having children of your own is a lot more important than most of the other things we do in life.

Yes, the conditions for marriage have deteriorated over the past few decades. But it is still possible to marry well and to work in the meantime for important reforms.

lananaroux · 2010-09-28T16:37:30+00:00

The only reason I've come up with is so that you're more likely to have someone to help you when you're too old to manage things by yourself, same for having children.

Title	Why Marriage Is Never Coming Back
Author	happybachelors
Upvotes	31
Comments	57
Date	September 28, 2010 2:31 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/dk07o/why_marriage_is_never_coming_back/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/why-marriage-is-never-coming-back.1047246 https://theredarchive.com/post/1047246

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