There’s a debate I keep seeing about whether the average man is struggling with dating or if that’s just a myth.

Some people argue: "Average guys do fine. I see plenty of them with girlfriends or hooking up."

Others argue: "Most men are struggling. Women only find a small percentage of men attractive, and dating apps are brutal for the majority of men."

I believe the reality is that average men ARE struggling, and the people who argue otherwise are making a mistake in their observations due to selection bias and misinterpreting what ‘average’ actually means.

  1. The "I See Average Guys in Relationships" Fallacy

Just because you see "average-looking" guys in relationships doesn’t mean they are truly average.

Most of these men are above average in at least one key area—status, confidence, humor, social skills, career, height, social circle, etc.

You don’t see the countless invisible men who struggle silently, aren’t in social circles, and aren’t getting any matches on dating apps.

  1. Women’s Standards Are NOT Centered on the "Average" Man

Studies consistently show women find only a small percentage of men attractive. The often-cited Tinder experiment found that women swipe right on 5%–15% of men, while men swipe right on 50%+ of women.

On dating apps, the "top 20%" of men get the majority of matches, while most men struggle to get attention.

This aligns with real-world data where women tend to date men who are above average in some way—whether it's height, looks, money, or social presence.

  1. The Definition of "Average" is Warped

When people say, "I know average guys who have girlfriends," they’re usually not talking about men who are a perfect 5/10 in all categories.

Most of the "average guys" who do well are actually above average in confidence, humor, or social status—things that aren’t as visible as looks.

Truly average men—who are average in looks, status, and confidence—are struggling.

  1. Dating Success is More Unequal Than Ever

In the past, dating was more balanced because people mainly met through their social circles, work, or their community.

Now, with online dating and social media, women have access to the "top men" more than ever before. The average woman can match with attractive, high-status men, making her less likely to settle for an "average" guy.

This creates a situation where a small percentage of men are highly successful in dating, while many others are left behind.

Conclusion: The Struggle is Real for Average Men

People who argue that "average men do fine" are ignoring the massive selection bias in real life. We see couples where the guy looks average, but he likely has other above-average traits. Meanwhile, we don't see the many average guys who are struggling in silence.

If women truly preferred average men, then why do the dating app stats and attraction studies show the opposite? Why do so many men struggle for matches, dates, and relationships?