Does anyone here have any experiences with families where the woman is the breadwinner ?

tomatostew · 2015-05-08T01:48:35+00:00

My mom's side of the family operates like this. My grandmother got pregnant at 17, got married, and had 3 kids but 23. She went back to school, got her PHD, and worked in finance. She and her husband had 3 daughters together. Then she and her husband split sometime later and he moved on to CA, where he had his second, third, and fourth marriages. Grandma remarried and was with her second husband for the last 35 years before he died. He worked in sales so she made more than he did as well. All 3 daughters received scholarships to college for math, art, and gymnastics (respectively). The oldest couldn't have children of her own and wasn't married so she adopted 2 daughters from China. She works in some kind of computer/ coding/ sciencey-tech job that I couldn't begin to explain. The second daughter got her MBA at Wharton and married a guy that wanted to be a minister (now a Bishop) and makes several times what he brings in. They've been together for 20+ years and have a son. Finally the youngest, my mom, met my dad in college and they were married for 22 years. She has always made well over what he did and owns her own financial consulting/auditing firm. My dad wasn't good at keeping jobs that he didn't like or wasn't passionate about so he skipped around jobs. This was fine because my mom always made enough to support us so when he didn't have a job, it wasn't an issue. He's what you'd call pretty a masculine man's-man. They ended up splitting for reasons that were unrelated to her making more money.

I love my family and I think we all have great relationships with each other. Even my divorced parents are great friends to this day. I haven't had any bad experiences as a result of one person making more money than the other.

TheChemist158 · 2015-05-07T21:04:01+00:00

My aunt is the breadwinner in her marriage. Their marriage is going strong, though her husband can be very cruel at times. She's very nice and respectful, if her marriage fails it'd likely be because her husband is an ass.

DStoo · 2015-05-07T21:30:21+00:00

Mine, what's the question.

milhaus · 2015-05-07T23:16:32+00:00

My mother is the breadwinner. She also handles all the finances and bills. But I don't think my father ever feels emasculated by that. He works just as hard at his job.

madscientistlove · 2015-05-08T01:36:35+00:00

Yup! My family right now, where I'm currently supporting the both of us. It's fine-- we're happy and in love, planning to move to a new state soon and planning to start a family in the next couple years (yay babies).

ProtoPill · 2015-05-07T21:02:32+00:00

Yes. I know families where the mother was the breadwinner, but in each instance the couple divorced. I am not going to speculate on why they divorced, but I can say that the families that I know that have a breadwinner father and homemaker mother are still together.

philomexa · 2015-05-07T22:57:13+00:00

Yes. My parents; dad retired when I was 5 and took over child rearing while my mom went on to become a teacher and get her PhD. Happily married for 30 years until he passed away last summer. Still had very defined masculine and feminine roles, I'd call my dad a "gentle alpha". He was soft spoken, friendly, fiercely intelligent, but commanded respect from everyone.

My marriage; pretty much modeled after my parents, except I bring a hefty trust fund and corp. job while my husband freelance/does blue collar stuff. Still happy and passionate after 10 years with well defined masculine and feminine roles. In a month our son will be born, and I've become acutely aware how similar to my father my husband is.

We've never really felt insecure about our set up, we realized early on that we have certain strengths and it would be foolish to deny them because of societal expectations.

haircombsnightmare · 2015-05-07T21:31:47+00:00

I have. My mom was the breadwinner for a long time while my stepdad was looking for a job. To this day she makes more money than he does. It's never been an issue and I hadn't thought twice about it until you asked.

Honestly, and I could be wrong, I don't know how well the one works/one stays dynamic could function. Both for men and women. If it were a temporary thing, yes. But I think anyone would get bored/depressed without an activity outside their own home.

PetticoatRuled · 2015-05-08T05:57:37+00:00

I know a truckload of couples where the woman is the breadwinner. The women speak highly of their husbands on Facebook and they seem very happy to me. I haven't lived in any of their houses so I can't claim to know that for certain.

They are in banking/ finance/ real estate saleswomen or are authors/ and earn a very, very good income.

DoggMoney · 2015-05-07T22:25:13+00:00

My good friend is a stay at home dad and his wife makes $140K a year. They're very happy. But they also have very traditional roles everywhere but the workplace. She likes to cook and clean and raise the babies on her time off, he makes all the decisions. I think they are an exception though as she is a very accomodating and pleasing type of person. She's actually said the key to her marriage is "keep his stiomach full and his balls empty" and lives by it. Happiest couple I know and have been together for 20+ years.

Carkudo · 2015-05-07T22:37:51+00:00

A friend of mine got into a relationship with a pretty cool girl. In Russia. They both later moved to Sweden, and she got a good job, inside her field, before he did. What followed was about two or three months of him complaining that his girlfriend/fiancee is being an asshole to him, followed by her breaking up with him. It wasn't a family, but it was a relationship, an LTR (they had been together for like two or three years beforehand) and overalll something normal to experience.

nomdplume · 2015-05-07T23:07:33+00:00

My wife is currently the breadwinner in our family.

It's not been the ideal situation, for sure.

DStoo · 2015-05-08T02:22:47+00:00

I know a woman who went to medical school, and her husband quit his job (they married beforehand), thinking that they would have a happy life once she became a physician. I had met them at various social engagements, they seemed like a happy couple.

Barely 8 months into school, they had an acrimonious divorce. She despises him now.

I don't think that women are capable of respecting a man who makes less than them. For that reason, I kinda pity women in high-earning fields.

Oh well, I plan to marry a poor woman or one who plans to be a homemaker anyways.

cxj · 2015-05-08T03:35:07+00:00

My mom outearned/s by Dad and treated him like complete shit. My parents marriage is a textbook case of alpha fux beta bux.

One of my best friend's marriages also features a female primary income, but his mom treats his dad with respect and is loyal to him in spite of him fucking up pretty horrifically, essentially ruining both of their financial futures via gambling addiction (this was one of my first clues when I was younger that marriage is a bad idea). They got legally divorced but are still together, and from what I can tell still a loving couple. His dad is really a true alpha but has some beta tendencies. He was the oldest of 8 scottish brothers raised in a poor as fuck black neighborhood in Chicago. He was kidnapped for years and escaped his captors on his own as a kid. He joined the army and was fighting in Vietnam as a 17 year old. I watched him beat the shit out of some hoodlum at walmart for pushing his mom out of the way after she just had surgery, when he was like 40 years old lol. I once saw my friend getting jumped by 2 19 year olds with brass knuckles, and his dad came out and beat both of their asses in his 50s. I lived in a neighborhood with a really annoying homeowners association, and one time some lady yelled at him for not having his dogs on a leash, and in front of a bunch of 7 year olds with parents and shit playing frisbee he growled "mind your fucking business, bitch" and just kept walking, lmao.

He is one of the most expert passers of shit tests I have ever seen, every time my friends mom got upset and called him out on his often genuinely objectable behavior, he would dodge the situation with some hilarious joke and not really address the issue at all, and everyone wound up happy. For example, one time his mom was asking something about money that was obviously important, and was really putting her foot down "I want to know the truth!" and his response was "IDK baby the truth is out there" (whistles x files theme song) and just left the room to take the trash out, and it was hilarious and then we all ate dinner and the argument was over.

In spite of being a workingclass hardass and genuinely intimidating motherfucker, I think he really did love and respect his mom a lot. I never once saw him lose frame, but he did take care of her and was very protective and short tempered when she had surgeries and shit, and I saw him rub her feet and stuff. He was usually a fun and permissive dad, but when he did tell us to do something we absolutely did it 100% of the time. The only risks we ever took breaking any kind of rule of his were to get into his jackpot of a porn stash.

In short, I think it is completely possible for a woman to outearn her husband and still love and respect him, but he needs to be either a natural alpha or make imitating one a way of life. I really don't see any hope for the average dudes personality in any kind of LTR ever.

obstinatebeagle · 2015-05-08T03:37:44+00:00

According to TRP these marriages are doomed to failure but in my personal experiences

TRP is right in this instance. Not every marriage where the wife earns more will fail, but the risk of it failing are much higher than normal. Just like if you smoke you might not end up with cancer, but the risk of you getting cancer is much higher than if you didn't smoke.

This article contains summaries and links to several studies that show that a female breadwinner leads to more divorce, more infidelity, less satisfaction with chores and family planning, emasculation of the husband, and so on. But since that site is down at the moment, you can find the text of it pasted here instead

imaterriblelurker · 2015-05-07T23:22:34+00:00

Yes, Mom is in medical field, step-dad is engineer. She paid all bills while he got his masters and he did the same for her. She earns more than him due to shift work and he raised us because he was home more often than she was.

We're all grown up now and they're still together.

alreadyredschool · 2015-05-07T21:21:57+00:00

What TRP says is that equal relationships don't work. One has to be more dominant.

TRP also tells men to take charge because most women won't do it and when you are in charge you can only blame yourself for fuck ups, or feel good about positive out comings.

TheGreasyPole · 2015-05-07T23:22:40+00:00

Ok. I am the breadwinner.

However, RP doesn't say relationships where the woman is the breadwinner are "doomed to failure". The chances of a successful LTR just plummeted, but they didn't go to zero, and it didn't rule out the chance of the man becoming the breadwinner again and rectifying the problem.

So, RP says being the lower income spouse is definitely a worse situation to be in, as a man, than the alternative. For lots of reasons.

That the sex tap might well go off being a major consideration. Female lizard brains do NOT like males who aren't bringing in the bacon. Libidos drop. Maybe you just feel a bit more headachey or tired or just not in the mood than you usually do. Maybe 1 p/w becomes 1 p/m.

This is the kind of stuff that worries an RP man working an LTR.

Most RP posters would then go on to say "Pull your finger out of your arse and get a job, raise or promotion. That ain't gonna hurt your situation, is it ?". Jesus, at least have a go at pulling incomes level.

Female breadwinners can work... Particularly for relatively short periods ... Be its going to set off a LOT of alarm bells in your woman's head, and you're gonna feel pretty shitty about yourself as well. Go do something about it.

Or, whatever.... Fold your hand... Get dealt a new one... Spin plates... Fuck it. Your call. What are your goals ? Have you spoken to a lawyer yet ?

But this is all theoretical to me, I'm the breadwinner.

Title	Does anyone here have any experiences with families where the woman is the breadwinner ?
Author	HappilySingleWoman
Upvotes	6
Comments	87
Date	May 7, 2015 8:50 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/357u5a/does_anyone_here_have_any_experiences_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-anyone-here-have-any-experiences-with.282290 https://theredarchive.com/post/282290

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