How does one accept responsibility without becoming a doormat?

TriadFamilyTimes · 2018-12-15T07:15:21+00:00

Your goals for self improvement are yours, not your partners. You give them input but it is input only. The responsibility rests on you, including the responsibility of choice. It's your job to choose what to work on, when. It's your job to self manage your own energy and time. It's their job to respect and support the process. You avoid being taken advantage of by watching for abusive patterns. My partners hold me accountable to things I commit to. I don't make bad commitments and I don't spend much time with people who ask me to make them.

The answer to your question is self respect and boundaries. Basic. Foundational.

I'm not really sure what you mean about abandoning responsibility though.

Salty-Bastard · 2018-12-15T05:44:37+00:00

If you have a problem it is 100% on you to fix it. The only obligations you have is to your own personal moral code.

beachredwhine · 2018-12-15T05:46:45+00:00

How exactly is accepting responsibility correlated here with being a doormat?

Personally I believe that one of the best ideas a man can accept (even if it's not literally true) is to accept the belief that every single thing that has happened to you and will happen to you is entirely your fault. Every single thing. It's entirety your fault. This is a pragmatic belief not necessarily an objective belief, but I assert it is a positive belief because it's the best way to take control over your own life.

As far as this;?

Can obligation exist without a means of holding people accountable?

No. Hence you only truly have obligation over one person, who is also the only person you can truly hold accountable. But you've got a whole terpload of people who desperately want to hold someone else accountable, for themselves, and then believe it's because they are "good" and have a "moral obligation".

Use your power wisely, and don't let other people convince you that you have an obligation to them. That's just control, and namely you giving others control. It's unavoidable in modernity, even in middle history, but that doesn't mean you promote your own "obligations" to other people.

hammerhaunts · 2018-12-15T06:07:34+00:00

Can you explain your point better?

Kittennoodle · 2018-12-15T08:59:19+00:00

Are you saying to accept something and then deny it by mitigating it on others?

It's hard to believe, but some people are just doormats by nature.

Alth12 · 2018-12-15T09:32:45+00:00

In a career sense? Exploit the hell out of it. Always find subtle ways to let your superiors know you're doing someone else's work, and never do anyone else's work when your own isn't done.

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VDKay · 2018-12-15T11:32:28+00:00

There is this concept of "frame". The frame means that you are dictating "your reality" to those around you. This reality can be heartwarming and welcoming or oppressive and abusive. It depends on the person.

IMO, accepting responsibility for a task is a sign of strong frame. Let's say you are given a task at work and your team fucks it up. It will be your head in the line and accepting the responsibility of your team's failure (or success in another case) is actually a trait of a strong and grounded character.

On the other hand, doing someone else's task is not your responsibility. And accepting to do it without proper compensation is not a sign of responsibility, but weak frame. Becoming a doormat (meant in a negative term as I presume) is to let your frame down. Essentially is to let others with stronger frame trample you and shove to you work while they keep all the credit. Sometimes keeping your frame means being humble, but other times it means being ready to say "No" or even start a confrontation and fight for what you are worth.

So, long story short: How does one avoid becoming a doormat? By keeping his frame, his reality, and not letting anyone else dictate it for him. I know it sounds deeper than it really is but I wanted to stress the mindset this is coming from and separate it from the jerk who reacts and confronts everyone just to make a mess.

passepar2t · 2018-12-15T16:04:56+00:00

Are you talking about leadership?

Unconfidence · 2018-12-15T16:18:29+00:00

Trust and comfort is a matter of vulnerability.

Accepting that will make your life easier.

jax006 · 2018-12-15T21:11:04+00:00

How can one avoid being taken advantage of in this kind of dynamic?

Know when something isnt your problem

Johnnadawearsglasses · 2018-12-17T00:16:21+00:00

It’s always better to fix it. Fixers get ahead. Complainers are shown the door. If someone isn’t pulling their weight that is another matter.

Title	How does one accept responsibility without becoming a doormat?
Author	Eartherry
Upvotes	5
Comments	39
Date	December 15, 2018 5:38 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/a6cqvc/how_does_one_accept_responsibility_without/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-does-one-accept-responsibility-without.258543 https://theredarchive.com/post/258543

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