A 31 year old woman met a 20 year old man (feel free to imagine yourself at that age & mindset) who was currently a university student at a bar. She recognised him from one of her classes - an extracurricular where they both studied Spanish - and so sparked a conversation. The conversation was going good, so she decides to lean in closer to him, and he kisses her. Things progress, and they wind up sleeping together that night. They keep in contact, and see each other after class to either spend time together or have more sex.

Noting that she feels like a romance is brewing, and that she hasn't felt this way in a long time, she decides to lovebomb him and keep him hooked to her through sex, attention, and validation. He otherwise didn't get much sexual attention at all from other women, and so finds himself falling for her too. Initially, they had different goals in life. He never saw himself ever sleeping frequently with an older woman, let alone falling for one. And she envisioned that her university course was simply an enhancement to her career, and that she was looking towards settling down and having children soon. Knowing this, she begins to quicken the pace with their relationship progress. She asks him the 'what are we question?', and on his slight hesitation to respond, she begins to cry and make claims about how he had led her on. Feeling bad and unsure of what to do, he buckles under the pressure and tells her that he wants to be with her exclusively.

This leads to a scenario of where they grow closer, meet more frequently, and have lots of more sex. She begins to lay ground rules for the relationship, either by stating them outright, guilt-tripping him, or giving him the silent treatment whenever he upsets her. Whenever he tries to combat this, he is reminded either directly or indirectly (through his view of her) about how she 'knows' more. This dynamic continues to build over the next year...

Eventually, one day she proposes the idea of using menstrual cycles as a form of contraception. He is wary about this, but she presents him with details over the things she's read and known from the experiences of her friends. Afraid to upset her, he agrees to a trial period of where they "experiment" with this. And... a few months down the line, he is presented with her tearful but smiley face stating that she is pregnant.

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Questions:

  1. Is this predatory?
  2. Does their ages/life experience have a play on this?
  3. How do you view women older than you? Or how did you view women in their early 30s when you were in your early 20s?
  4. Do you think men can fall 'victim' to this?

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Theory:

For the idea of 'no, you can't be manipulated into sex. You both enjoyed it', etc., I have the thought that among believers of such statements, there will probably be more men than women. Hence, in the reverse, complaints of sex being 'transactional' on this sub come from male posters.

As an individual woman, I would state that even if I wasn't trapped with a baby, I'd probably be more negatively impacted if I was in a relationship with an older, manipulative man than a younger (close-in-age), manipulative man. Why? Because I view older men, regardless of their occupation, to be more 'mature' than me. It's just how I view them based off looks alone. And in a vulnerable state, such as in a relationship, I'd feel inclined to listen to him more and doubt myself more. That is where the power imbalance comes from.

The only situations where I would assume that the younger woman isn't at a great risk of manipulation is if:

  • She sought him out first
  • Things were progressed at her pace
  • And their friends and family were made aware of the situation