Submission

wtknight · 2024-01-12T19:54:48+00:00

Removed. No advice posts.

MongoBobalossus · 2024-01-12T18:49:44+00:00

Both partners should be submissive to each other in different situations. It shouldn’t be one or the other, ALL the time.

Good_Result2787 · 2024-01-12T19:07:14+00:00

Anyone who is demanding of respect they didn't earn is someone I see as weak of character, frankly.

To the larger point of submission... I can only draw on my personal or secondhand experiences. My wife has all the hallmarks of a completely independent, nonsubmissiver person. I wouldn't say she is "submissive" to me, but she does do a lot of "trad" things and exhibit a lot of "trad" behaviors with me specifically even though I never asked or expected that. No one who meets her on the street would think that, and I don't think she'd be that way with anyone who didn't earn it.

How did I earn that? I don't really know for sure. But it's something that she does or exhibits because she feels I deserve it, I guess. And I strive to be a person who is that for her. I also submit to her in many areas wherein she is smarter than me (which is many). We just... do our best to be good to each other. And I don't think either of us finds it "submissive" in any kind of domineering sense. Just my experiences.

obviousredflag · 2024-01-12T18:58:01+00:00

It's just like with age gaps. The gap alone doesn't make it a bad relationship, it's how the difference in age and development/experience/etc. is used. Submission and domination aren't inherently bad but there is a lot of potentioal for it to be bad. But it can also be a super healthy relationship that synergizes well and satisfies both partners personality-based needs.

You need to look at the individual relationship to judge it.

Safinated · 2024-01-12T19:26:22+00:00

You don’t have to be subservient, I hate to break it to you

AngeCruelle · 2024-01-12T19:36:03+00:00

It's like that weird leadership paradox where the men who are best at it are often the men who don't want it that much. They inspire and change other people, often unintentionally.

By worldly modern standards my BF is a very weak and passive person. By worldly modern standards I'm an alpha bitch boss babe or whatever it's called.

But neither of us is particularly attached to the world. We both grew up Christian and believed from a young age that the world's promises are false and unfulfilling. Money, power, etc. I adapted by learning to say no and refusing people a lot. Asserting myself is as natural to me as breathing. He's far more apologetic and eager to please. He compensates by sticking to people with similar values to his own, who don't push him in ways he doesn't like or want.

It was clear pretty early on what our dynamic would be. For the purposes of describing what we have in a way that most people would understand, I call myself the leader or dominant one in our relationship. On a spiritual level, he changes and moves me in ways that no one else does, simply by showing me what it means to be gentle, compromising, and to understand other people. In that sense, he does lead me. And I'm okay with that.

spiritdancer_ · 2024-01-12T19:30:32+00:00

I don't really understand what people mean by "submissive" either and reading how people describe it in this thread I don't think submissive is even the correct word for what people seem to mean.

"Cooperative" makes much more sense. You should defer to whoever is more capable of handling the task, you shouldn't start needless arguments over menial things, you should value the other's opinion and hear them out even if you think they're wrong. Like, just the basics of communication really.

Regardless of how people intend for it to mean, submission is associated with accepting however someone wants to treat you and having no say in the matter. You defer to whoever is the authority regardless of the situation. This is not a good trait for anyone to have, especially in relationships.

EmbarrassedClient283 · 2024-01-12T19:36:21+00:00

Are you living in a developing country?

SlothMonster9 · 2024-01-12T19:38:15+00:00

I think a lot of men confuse respect with total submission in women. I have seen men, including close friends, that think they are being disrespected when a woman was just politely having a different opinion. Also, women calling men out on their bullshit, their inconsistencies and their double-standards is also seen as disrespect. But men doing all the above things is not seen the same way.

EulenWatcher · 2024-01-12T19:40:28+00:00

I'm really confused about the whole submission thing. What is it and why do you need it in the first place? Can't you treat your spouse as an equal partner without the need to power trip them every now and then?

When men describe submission they're either talking about being agreeable and both partners have to be able to make compromises imv, it can't be only the one always compromising at their expense, or they're taking about pure submission "you do what I say and you build your life around my goals and values" which just sucks. For a person who isn't into this dynamic it seems like it's an attempt to compensate a lack of communication skills and a lack of ability to compromise and seek options that work for both of you. It's a way to gloss over being incompatible as well, you just make one partner to always give in for the sake of the couple.

KayRay1994 · 2024-01-12T19:14:53+00:00

I think asking for blind loyalty and subservience “no matter what” is a red flag and a man who asks for this should be avoided. Loyalty and commitment to a relationship, even marriage, are inherently conditional - ie. adore your partner have your best interest in mind? is your partner being as good to you and your potential children as possible? etc - obviously there is a point where “conditional” can get iffy (ie. “if my partner loses their job i’ll leave them”) but to some extent it is real.

That being said, I think there is a difference between “submissive” and “subservient” - to me, subservient means a peg below, ie. it isn’t about consensual submission or acting in the benefit of both parties, it’s about maintaining a hierarchy. Submission, in order to be healthy and to the benefit of everyone, has to be constantly consensual. I actually think looking at how the BDSM community views it is a good rule of thumb, just, of course, removing the sexual context - the dominant cannot act without the consent of the submissive, and it is the responsibility of the dominant to ensure that both them and the submissive are enjoying themselves. Remove this from a sexual context and it’s clear what the objective is: the dominant partner must act to the benefit of his/her partner and their household, and it must be done with the ongoing consent (ie. opinion, input and agreement) of the submissive partner.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2024-01-12T19:03:43+00:00

I’m more submissive with my husband than I have been before, but that does not mean I blindly follow him, but in certain things I trust him to take the lead

RAZBUNARE761 · 2024-01-12T19:07:19+00:00

Does it work if the man is submissive and his wife walks all over him and is in charge of everything? In general it seems to lead to resentment from both, losing attraction, dead bedrooms and divorce. At least more than the opposite. Allthough nobody should be a doormat.

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apresonly · 2024-01-12T19:25:33+00:00

to me a leader looks out for everyone. they make sure the group takes care of the weakest person.

if i was the leader of my house, i would make sure everyone had what they needed to be healthy and grow. if i married someone and we decided they wouldn't work so they could take care of our household/life management stuff, i would give them half the money i earned in their own account so they didn't have to cow tow to me to get money for groceries or feel like they needed to stay with me for financial reasons. thats what i would want to feel like i'm not taking advantage of them and they are with me because they desire to be with me.

if i wasn't in a position to take this on, i would seek out a 50/50 partner who was working and wasn't in a position to submit to me/work less hours at their job to take care of my life or take charge of domestic duties.

sexually, i think the same thing, the dominant partner is in charge of making sure the submissive partner feels safe, or else what the fuck are they dominant for? if dominant means selfishly taking from a weaker person, that's just selfish/evil.

Title	Submission
Author	czarthegreat1
Upvotes	6
Comments	17
Date	January 12, 2024 6:47 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1952h0s/submission/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/submission.1242805 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242805

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