Thoughts on polyamory?

spiral-staircase · 2014-06-08T12:49:22+00:00

I don't like it. I can't fathom how anyone could stand the love of their life fucking someone else. I know that's self-centered. But I'd rather love within true bond formed between a man and a woman, than focusing on sexual affinity and urges.

I think the poly-amorous nature would work well for frivolous and casual relationships. I have a theory that these kind of relationship model is mainstream with highly sexually active people. Sharing a partner takes a strong ego and comfort when it comes to sex. In the absence of that, it just adds complexity to the relationship.

[deleted] · 2014-06-09T12:38:44+00:00

If everyone involved is happy, I guess it's ok.

Me personally? Just one guy for me!

[deleted] · 2014-06-08T14:10:56+00:00

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WormTickle · 2014-06-08T18:25:38+00:00

I think that if everyone involved is honest about their needs and desires and treats everyone involved with respect than it's fine. When deceit and disrespect infect a poly relationship it's like a domino effect of pain and drama and bullshit.

On a semi-related note that this made me think of, my mother is now a widow. She feels tremendous guilt over having fallen in love with someone other than my dad (it's been almost 2 years), and feels the need to remind me and my siblings that she still loves Dad. I've reassured her that it's cool by me because some people love more than one LIVING person at a time. Monogamy is so strongly engrained in her that she feels bad for being in love, even though she's doing nothing wrong. It's sad. I also try to remind her that I know she's capable of loving more than one person at a time because anyone with more than on kid can tell you that the heart has the capacity to love different people simultaneously.

So, yeah... So long as everyone is honest and respectful and happy I say "go have fun." The second it becomes shady and painful is the second it's a bad decision. So for the people who cringe at the idea, don't try it. It's already a bad choice for you if it leaves you feeling ill at ease.

myfriendscantknow · 2014-06-08T17:27:23+00:00

I'm basically poly. I'm just completely incapable of being sexually jealous or possessive it seems, which has harmed previous attempts at traditional exclusive monogamy for me. I can definitely see myself in an open relationship in the future.

[deleted] · 2014-06-08T21:39:30+00:00

I can do both monogamy or polyamory depending on the partner(s) involved. I find both to be enjoyable.

But I want to clarify what type of polyamory specifically I am interested in, because polyamorous relationships take many forms. I'm not so much interested in open relationships where both partners can fuck whoever they want, because as I've mentioned before, casual sex ain't for me. But I do enjoy the idea of having multiple partners within a "closed" relationship. So let's say I have two girlfriends, both bi so they enjoy each other's company as well as mine, but we all only fuck each other. That makes for a fun time and that kind of dynamic tends to be fairly common in the BDSM community.

[deleted] · 2014-06-08T23:09:11+00:00

Why not? You can love two people at the same time, and love is love :)

robesta · 2014-06-08T17:12:46+00:00

Do you mean like a three way or two separate relationships?

whatsazipper · 2014-06-08T19:49:03+00:00

Seems to destroy relationships. Or at least, me being the "other guy" for some girl who opened up her relationship, has tanked the relationship by crushing her boyfriend's soul.

It doesn't seem like it works for most people but all are welcome to try it.

I'm all for it, in a way.

autopornbot · 2014-06-08T22:36:18+00:00

It's fine if you like it. I don't personally, I'm a little bit jealous and wouldn't want my SO having sex with another man. I wouldn't want two girlfriends, either, because, sheesh, I don't want one girlfriend.

I am fine with threesomes and moresomes of all varieties, with people I'm not committed to. But if I'm going to commit to someone, and I'm in love with them, I want to be their only partner.

hetero male, btw.

kkjdroid · 2014-06-09T01:10:43+00:00

I can't even get one SO, no idea how I'd maintain multiple relationships. I won't begrudge it to the people who can, though.

Televangelis · 2014-06-09T23:38:54+00:00

I like having fun-times-all-around threesomes with my partner, but personally I would feel exhausted dividing my emotional energy and everything else among multiple partners. I don't see what the advantage would be of my wife and I having side partners instead of just occasional romps with interesting people -- you can still have a great appreciation of someone as a person in a FWB scenario, it doesn't have to be sex and nothing else. :)

tryin2figureitout · 2014-06-10T01:41:12+00:00

I'm hetero male. I could see sharing my gf with another girl but not another guy. A lot of this has to do with my beliefs on female sexual attraction towards men. I can't stand the idea of being cheated on again so I looked into a lot of these communities, cuckolding, hotwifing, poly, open relationships etc. And I consistently saw was that a woman's sexual desire for one man can plummet when another man enters the picture.

Women who have affairs are more likely to leave their husbands than men are and are more likely to deny there husbands sex throughout there affairs.

It just seems to me that even extremely sexual women will have a preferred man and inviting other men around is just asking for trouble.

Also jealousy is very natural. Children have it and its present in native poly cultures. But you may be less so than other people. It also should be pointed out that as a woman your competing with less. There is a much bigger variance in the sexual skills of men than woman.

[deleted] · 2014-06-08T15:30:12+00:00

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gepeg-libre · 2014-06-08T14:16:14+00:00

Its more important whether you're a man or a women than what are your specific sexual preferences.

If there is a clear power balance it will work.

You will encounter problems after a while (2 years) as you will each age(mature) at a different rate and one of you will become more isolated and unhappy, but in the short term have fun.

[deleted] · 2014-06-08T22:37:40+00:00

I'll have a couple girls but thats it.

imissedaword · 2014-06-08T15:30:13+00:00

It's the future. Two person marriage as an institution is or very soon will be functionally dead. Plus, if states no longer have the right to restrict marriage based on moral disapproval, I don't think two person is even constitutional. The lower classes have all but stopped getting married and I've heard 70% of black babies are born out of we'd lock.

We need to wrap our heads around the fact that the future will have group marriages, communities where no one married, and sex toys that can compete with the most knowledgable lovers. Those who don't like won't have a choice.

Title	Thoughts on polyamory?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	8
Comments	64
Date	June 8, 2014 12:05 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/27m3k0/thoughts_on_polyamory/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/thoughts-on-polyamory.285546 https://theredarchive.com/post/285546

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