Virgin Shaming

karmacrunch · 2015-04-12T17:32:24+00:00

guys are virgin shamed WAY MORE. Infact people on TBP try and virgin shame terps.

lev21pirate · 2015-04-12T17:13:56+00:00

I never experienced direct virgin shaming, though I felt ashamed to be a virgin.

Your anecdotes sound dubious to me since i can only ever recall indirect inference of virgin shaming, I've never witness statements so overtly blunt about a subject so heavily hushed by social etiquette.

Virgin shaming is brought about discussion who's dating who with a pause in the conversation and a silent stare in your direction; You know, and you know everyone knows, that you aren't/haven't dated anyone yet. Its the sexual explicit joke and your nervous laugh that tips off everyone about your virginity; that few second pause of awkwardness, everyone sizing you from the corner of the eye that drives the shame.

Men in my peer group said: "I don't date virgins."

Never heard this to the point where it could be attributable to a whole category of people within my groups of friends.

Women in my peer group said: "I wish I waited, wait for someone you trust and you can be open with."

Never heard the ''waited'' part of this. Though I am hearing a lot of complaints about a lack meaningful relationships. Or certainly ones that turned sour later on, thereby negating whatever that relationship could've meant.

HappilySingleWoman · 2015-04-12T17:02:30+00:00

Virgin shaming is bad, mmkay ?

I was never really virgin shamed as a woman, I always assumed it is something that happens to guys. Guys get virgin shamed. Women get slut shamed. Either way I think it's wrong to shame people for their sex life as long as they don't harm anybody.

DOCTORxTEETH · 2015-04-12T16:59:04+00:00

That's strange. In high school, girls used to brag about being virgins. I wasn't ashamed for being a virgin in high school, but if I told a girl, she'd say "Oh, that's good" like she thought of me as a child. I started lying about it and lost my virginity soon after.

Yangel · 2015-04-13T04:29:14+00:00

THis sort of thing really deserves more study. Women are overrepresented in what literature exists on the topic - I'm only aware of like two academic articles on male virginity.

(I told the truth, but I still regret it. I should have just lied tbh.)

rafay_M · 2015-04-12T18:05:21+00:00

lmao. guy here. was virgin shamed a lot.

still am. and I'm not even a virgin lol

When I was accused of being a rapist by TBP, like half the people were calling me a virgin neckbeard in between bouts of teaching me not to rape. Good times

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2015-04-12T18:32:45+00:00

How is telling you they don't date virgins "shaming"?

AnnoyingSeaAnt · 2015-04-12T19:22:31+00:00

Never gonna get away , like slut shaming. Being manly is being succesful for society, and it's not like feminists will do anything against it. That give them too much shaming power for them to give up.

Virgin shame all you want , but don't proclaim moral superioty or "We help men too" after. You're still using bullying tactics. TRP don't pretend they are beneficial to women at least.

[deleted] · 2015-04-12T16:58:28+00:00

I lied about how many girls I fucked when I was in school just like all teenagers do. I was honest with the girl I ended up losing it to at 17 though, we were both virgins at the time.

peacockpartypants · 2015-04-12T17:10:32+00:00

Strangely enough, I didn't encounter virgin shaming. Wasn't a big deal. I think in HS so many people were more focused on their own virginity than other peoples it seemed like. There was defiantly curiosity but I don't remember anyone really being nasty or giving people a hard time over it.

I do remember if someone was being an asshole occasionally people might bring up their inability to get laid/gf/bf but it was more a low blow because they were being a dick than it was just about virginity in general.

My first was a flop, but most firsts will be anyways. People don't know what they're doing, inexperienced, it's not gonna be the greatest you ever have anyways. My advice would be, don't stress out over it. Virginity is only a big deal if you think it is.

It's more important who you end up with, not who you start with.

worktimeterpin · 2015-04-13T05:58:00+00:00

Anyone else encounter this?

I didn't have sex until I was 20 and in the military. I'd had a couple of girlfriends and orbited several more over the time from puberty to graduation but was too beta/needy at the time to be a worthwhile boyfriend.

In my peer group there was always virgin-shaming from other guys if the topic came up. In retrospect, I'd have chosen the opposite course: assuming I'd been cognizant enough to use protection I'd prefer to have lost my virginity before I'd had time to really build up it's meaning as the culminate act of loving someone, and simply expressed it/accepted it as the physical need it is.

throwinout · 2015-04-13T07:11:04+00:00

Not going to lie, this story is kind of weird to hear. I don't see the reason behind virgin shaming women, they don't have the same pressure to get laid that guys usually do. In my high school, the girls lied about being virgins or not having a lot of partners. You'd think I went to a convent or something. Obviously, everyone knew it was all bullshit but we let them keep pretending.

crankypants15 · 2015-04-15T15:29:13+00:00

Guy here. It was the 1980s and it was more indirect for me. My friends learned I hadn't had sex, so they tried to find me girls, you know, "a sure thing". Having them do the work was embarrassing for me. They meant well, but, it was awkward. I didn't just want sex, I wanted a connection.

It eventually happened, it was all very nice. I don't regret it, it did help my self-esteem a lot. And it stopped the pressure to have sex.

The other thing was, I needed to come out of my shell, and that was the kick in the pants I needed. It did help.

susandeath · 2015-04-12T19:30:39+00:00

Yeah I got that. I was seen as being weird and strange and no one would date me after they found out I was a virgin. I did wait until I was 24 and I am glad I did.

pandorarosie · 2015-04-13T15:56:48+00:00

Most of the men I have encountered in my life including friends and peers have said that virgins are overrated and clingy. They would take a non-virgin over one any day. The only man I know that thinks virginity is important is a complete pedo whose current GF is about 14 years old.

wazzup987 · 2015-04-12T17:50:57+00:00

yeah i get that

Fuschia19 · 2015-04-12T16:47:47+00:00

Same here. I didn't tell the guy I lost my virginity to that I was a virgin (I was 18) I thought he would think I'd be clingy. I do wish I would have waited so I could at least trust the guy and be able to tell him I was a virgin etc

fake7272 · 2015-04-12T18:10:20+00:00

never experienced this in AZ. atleast for ages 18-24. guys, when friends with me, have opened up about being virgins and even then arent shamed. The best thing to do is to say that your number is an off limits topic and to never disclose it. different people will judge you differently, some thinking low N count is good while others hold the opposite view. better to remain mysterious and leave the person guessing based on thier view of you instead of viewing you based on the number.

Reginleifer · 2015-04-12T23:42:43+00:00

Never been virgin shamed as a dude. It was more like don't ask don't tell. They never asked, and I never told. It was just obvious to everyone who was getting some and who wasn't.

I adopted a more "dangerous" personality, lifted weights, became more forward (to the point of being vulgar), got a part time job and I got laid. Didn't even tell my first she was my first.

tomatostew · 2015-04-13T01:29:03+00:00

Kids are stupid and they shame people for their sexual histories. It was bullshit. I lost it to a guy I dated in high school. It probably wasn't the best idea, but we wanted to do it and the decision doesn't/ never did keep me up at night. I don't regret it because nothing bad came of it and I don't think my life would be different at all if I chose not to do it. It wasn't "special" nor does it hold a "special place in my heart". Meh I say that you should do with your body what you want and who cares what other people say

ianturpiesmoustache · 2015-04-12T17:31:13+00:00

It's not something I advertised to the world, but mostly because it wasn't important to anyone but me. Any friends of mine who did know didn't give a shit, and anyone else was either just guessing or trying to get a rise out of me, so I didn't particularly care what they thought.

When I lost it at 17, the guy - who was not a virgin himself - didn't care that I'd not done it before. I'm pretty sure he was more interested in just getting laid (as was I by that point).

Title	Virgin Shaming
Author	pandorarosie
Upvotes	8
Comments	81
Date	April 12, 2015 4:36 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/32cf62/virgin_shaming/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/virgin-shaming.282699 https://theredarchive.com/post/282699

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