What is "commitment"?

sublimemongrel · 2019-02-21T12:56:36+00:00

Commitment is defined by the terms the parties agree to which meet their expectations but I think most people use it to mean in a monogamous relationship.

Electra_Cute · 2019-02-21T12:44:08+00:00

Being dedicated to someone

If by "commitment" we mean the promise that the man will take responsibility for the possible consequences of sex, then why not just call it "marriage"?

Because marriage is different than having a relationship, it shows more dedication

If by "commitment" we mean the promise that the man will provide for the woman's needs in exchange for sex, why not just call it "sugaring"?

I do not think marriage is women exchanging sex for "needs". Historically it has been about children, starting a family etc.

If by "commitment" we mean the promise that the man will not have sex with anyone else, why not just call it "chastity"?

How did you make the leap from commitment to chastity?

If by "commitment" we mean that the man goes to the woman's father and says "I fully promise to take your daughter as my wife as soon as I graduate college, now could you help my blue balls and bless us both for some premarital fornication"

This rarely happens now, it is definitely not the cultural norm.

blackedoutfast · 2019-02-21T15:37:27+00:00

it means you're committing to try make the relationship work. if there's a problem in a committed relationship, you will try to fix it intead of just pulling the eject lever at the first sign of trouble

bonslytoss · 2019-02-21T12:18:42+00:00

Commitment is subjective, not only to individuals, but to each relationship. However, on this sub, it will often be said that men are the gatekeepers of commitment.

In the context of men's role in romantic relationships, men are desired for their ability to provide time, money, attention, status, or other benefits. Once he provides these benefits exclusively to one partner, he is providing that person with commitment.

CatchPhraze · 2019-02-21T13:59:05+00:00

Because there are LEVELS to it, I commit to seeing you at this time for our first date, I commit to being monogamous, I commit to being you're life partner/wife.

Commitment means different things to different people but a general explanation is "Commitment is agreeing to adhere to standards placed on you by another person you have some form of intimate relationship with." That often includes monogamy and emotional investment/connection.

It doesn't always though, lots of people are committed to each other, but non-monogamous. Lots of people have sex with only one person at a time without commitment just based on their prefrences.

[deleted] · 2019-02-21T12:13:57+00:00

I dont get my meanings from the dictionary. Makes me much more difficult to communicate with.

Commitment is fine. The other terms are fine, just feels like labels to me, you look at the actions and agreements and define them as best you can.

couldbemage · 2019-02-21T12:43:23+00:00

The word has its own meaning outside of the relationship context, it's not relationship specific. It just means that you are going to keep doing a thing. Commitment is required for losing weight or joining the army.

Marriage and commitment aren't the same thing, marriage implies commitment, but this isn't true in reverse.

Same for all your other words.

Texastentialism · 2019-02-21T13:49:27+00:00

It's context dependent because there are various levels of commitment. When a couple agrees to be exclusive, that's a commitment to a monogamous relationship. When a couple moves in together, that's a commitment to sharing a home and everything that comes with that. When a couple gets engaged, that's a commitment to a promise to be wed. When a couple gets married, that's a commitment to the formation of a new family unit, and ostensibly a commitment to a lifelong partnership.

What this all means about the man and woman's individual roles in the relationship is going to depend on the respective couple.

Edit: Also, the reason we don't just call it marriage is that marriage is a specific legal status. The reason we don't just call it sugaring is because that's a very specific agreement between two people who are not in a romantic partnership. The reason we don't call it chastity is because that word means abstaining from sexual activity with anyone, including your partner. None of those words are interchangeable with what is meant by commitment. Sorry you don't speak English and can't piece together definitions from context clues but that doesn't mean you get to come in and foreignsplain our own language to us.

des_heren_balscheren · 2019-02-21T13:46:36+00:00

Ah yes, I had this before; my native language also does not have a word for "commitment".

I've come to believe it's a buzzword. An American told me that it basically works like this: children in Anglic cultures are told by their parents nad everyone growing up that "commitment" is "good" but they are never told what "commitment" actually is so what ends up happening is that they fill in whatever they think is "good" as "commitment" and so everyone has their own definition of a word everyone loves to use: the definition of a "buzzword" a word people frequently interject which has no actual uniformly defined meaning any more.

There are more words like this like nowadays "mature"; the word "mature" means a different thing to everyone but people love using it.

Buzzwords rarely translate well between languages. Like my native language has a word for "mature" but it means literally that; you are "mature" when you're 18 or older; that's how the word is used.

Superfluous_Toast · 2019-02-21T15:52:57+00:00

Commitment in terms of romantic and sexual relationships is the agreement to exclusivity. Two people choosing to have a romantic and/or sexual relationship only with each other. Depending on the needs and wants of the two, the terms and conditions of this relationship may be slightly different or flexible on what is or is not permissible, but for the most part it just means that they both agree to to these things exclusively with each other and not pursue other similar relationships with other people.

[deleted] · 2019-02-21T17:08:38+00:00

Commitment is that thing women keep nagging you for and when they get it, they stop putting out.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2019-02-21T17:24:36+00:00

commitment from a male is useless.

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exit_sandman · 2019-02-21T14:51:14+00:00

my native language

Which one would that be?

(I am asking because occasionally I have a similar problem)

-TheGreasyPole- · 2019-02-21T16:23:52+00:00

“Commitment” means offering a woman an assurance that you won’t just disappear tomorrow because you feel like it.

That there is some form of agreement in place that this will at least take a conversation between the two of you, and probably some explanation to other interested parties about what went down.

killallthenarcs · 2019-02-21T20:48:21+00:00

I've found it means whatever the person using the term thinks it means in terms of having agreed to parameters for the relationship. For one person it might mean agreement that they are not going to date anyone else but it is still just a dating relationship and ending the relationship is fine, for another it might mean they are bonded for life with no infidelity and no escape.

I think the very subjective and fluid interpretations of what "commitment" actually is allow for a good deal of prevarication and dishonesty among those TRPers who use the term a lot. You just don't know exactly what they are talking about when they fling it around. I mean one of them might be going on about "she wanted commitment after only a month, so damn selfish of her, next" when it turns out that all she wanted was some sort of agreement that if one of them is seeing other people they actually tell the other about it so that person can work out if this is Ok for them still or not. Or one of them might be going on about "I'm a high SMV man why should I be committed unless I'm getting exactly what I want she should understand I'm free to do whatever" and it turns out he's got a pregnant wife and three kids under 6 years old and she's been complaining that he spends all evening and most of their disposable income talking to cam girls.

Also you see it used a bit by women too. I mean what does it mean when she says men these days are not willing to commit? Is she talking that she can't find a man who is up for a general discussion on the second date of whether he likes the general idea of marriage?

So yeah to me it is very much a sign that if I want to know what is really up, I'm going to need more than the person using some form of the word "commitment" is actively keen on telling me.

abaxeron · 2019-02-21T21:40:20+00:00

No expert, but I like words. Here's my take:

The best illustration for you may be a mental image. Picture a 16th century man in need of a job. He signs up to work on a shipping crew for a voyage to the New World. The moment he steps on that boat, he is socially committed. To step back off would make his peers see him as a coward. The moment the boat undocks, he is physically committed. The only way out would be to jump and swim away, probably to his own death. So, commitment is voluntarily stepping into a life situation that will not allow you to turn back without destructive consequences.

Whisper · 2019-02-23T10:10:42+00:00

When I teach women about how to inspire "commitment", an important first step is deprogramming false beliefs about what commitment is.

Commitment is not any of these promises. Because commitment is not a promise at all. Commitment is a desire (this case, on the part of the man) for the relationship to continue, and a willingness to reciprocate the effort she puts into inspiring this desire.

A promise is worthless because anyone can say anything. A contract or agreement is worthless because society no longer enforces them in this context. Only inspiration of desire will influence future behaviour.

Eastuss · 2019-02-21T12:30:49+00:00

Commitment to me is any of your resources being given to a woman, with complete or partial exclusivity. Your resources are your time, your physical energy, your moral energy, your money. So, commitment is everything you quoted, and more.

When in countries where "dating" doesn't exist, you're expected to be faithful and monosexual at soon as you kiss someone, that's commitment already.

When you drop your female friends because your gf asked so, that's commitment.

When you live with a woman and you expect each other to at least spend some time talking everyday, and be at home at fixed hours, that's commitment.

When you have a kid with a woman, that's commitment.

When you pay child support, that's commitment. And you can expect other women to see "paying child support" as super negative for a future partner, it may gross them out.

There are plenty of ways to commit to a woman that isn't marriage, and it is very often overlooked. Women will want to grab all those form of commitment and will never acknowledge those as being actual commitment, it'll never stop, and it'll only get worse with time. And you'll get less sex and a less attractive wife as time goes.

Title	What is "commitment"?
Author	abaxeron
Upvotes	7
Comments	77
Date	February 21, 2019 11:47 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/at28f7/what_is_commitment/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-commitment.257084 https://theredarchive.com/post/257084

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