What older men want

CrownButton · 2014-04-01T03:40:02+00:00

I hope everyone recognizes that there is often a massive gap between what people say they want and how they actually behave.

fiat_lux_ · 2014-04-01T02:32:40+00:00

I find the idea that men all their lives wanting to spin the hottest, youngest plates laughable because I exclusively date and associate with middle aged men and find NONE that ascribe to this idea. Most will admit to having that concept in youth and look back at it with laughter.

The older men I know do have different standards and concerns, and aren't chasing young ass.

It's not aversion to youth. It's more that they'd question why someone significantly younger than them were gunning after them. It'd probably be a mixture of paranoia, pessimism, or even realism that makes them believe that the girl is a gold-digger.

I was asking my current partner (47, who is quite the "alfalfa" in youth and now in his prime) what are the most important qualities he looks for now in order of importance:

...

a solid ethical system (loyal, compassionate, honest, respectfulness, etc.)

Respectfulness. Probably the PC term you could claim rp men want in place of submissiveness.

I don't like the pointedly different messages feminism sends to men and women.

To men: "Show vulnerability. Throw away 'toxic masculinity'."

To women: "Be a strong, independent woman who don't need no man. Besides, men want a woman who can CHALLENGE them anyway."

I was a naturally accommodating person. If I had a daughter, I probably would have spoiled her rotten... until I eventually learned that people (not just children) start taking you for granted when you're too accommodating. Your personal concerns and comfort stop mattering to most people. You're also sending a bad message to less empathetic people.

I wouldn't mind showing vulnerability, but I keep in mind that most women don't want to deal with that. Feminists are not being fully honest when they send men that message.

What's worse to me is the message they send to women about being challenging and assertive. I don't have much against women who decide to go that route (their personal choice, whatever), it's just become increasingly unattractive to me as well as many men older than me.

I don't consider myself middle-aged, but I'm starting to think like many of them. I'm tired. I don't want to fight. I don't want to "be challenged". I don't want to fight or argue. I want to be part of a cooperative team. I boss people around at work and get bossed to. I like my work, but it is tense. I don't want the same in my home. My home is my retreat and I just want to relax there, not fight or pass series of tests.

FortunateBum · 2014-04-01T04:07:48+00:00

I find the idea that men all their lives wanting to spin the hottest, youngest plates laughable because I exclusively date and associate with middle aged men and find NONE that ascribe to this idea.

I think you're right. Guys like that are rare. Even rarer, IMO, are young women who would date older men. I still don't believe young women are at some sort of disadvantage from highly-attractive older men who have 18 year-old-chicks wrapped around their finger. Let's be honest, this is something women think.

Had a discussion on Reddit the other day where a woman was talking about how young women are vulnerable to being manipulated by older men. Really? How so? I'm an older man and I don't think I could manipulate a young woman into buying me a drink, let alone having sex.

I also think it's a bit of a strawman to suggest TRP advocates this. TRP is about dissecting female psychology. What you do with that info is up to you.

Spinning plates is a successful sexual strategy according to many field reports.

Honestly, most men would rather find a "soul mate" and settle down.

What brings them to TRP is the slow, creeping, gnawing thought that maybe there's no such thing as a "soul mate" and maybe women can't ever fill that role. A common thread a newbie starts is, hey guys, you sound like you've given up on finding the perfect woman, what gives?

Men are hopeless romantics by nature. By the time they start reading something like the RP, reality has ripped them a new asshole.

Here's a great article about this from the Red Pill sidebar: https://therationalmale.com/2011/12/27/women-in-love/

myfriendscantknow · 2014-03-31T23:46:49+00:00

When I was 26 I went out with an 18 year old because she asked me out, and I'll usually go out with about anyone since I like dates. She seemed flirty and had some similar interests, I thought it could be fun and maybe I could make a friend or even a hook up. Well, to be frank, it was just a terrible date. She was, frankly, just terribly immature. Also, clearly not interested in having an adult relationship of any kind. Even if she was, I'm not sure I would have, because to be frank, I just didn't really like her. She was pretty enough, but I didn't want her in my life. I was only 26. I can't imagine dealing with that as a middle aged man.

Edit: I was half paying attention and said frankly like 100 times in this comment.

[deleted] · 2014-04-01T02:02:47+00:00

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shutayooface · 2014-04-01T02:11:42+00:00

Mid 40s here. I'm not looking for the youngest, but attractiveness is important, and young women tend to be more attractive than older women. I don't have anything against women my age per se, but most of them are approaching obesity. If they would take better care of themselves (I go to the gym several times a week) I would be more open to a relationship with them. Middle to late 20s is the "sweet spot". They are still young enough be very attractive, yet old enough to be relatable.

nicethingyoucanthave · 2014-04-01T13:14:01+00:00

my current partner (47, who is quite the "alfalfa"

Are you ridiculing him with your use of that term? Or are you acknowledging that the TRP concept has merit?

ClearArmor · 2014-04-01T00:51:16+00:00

I don't think the whole "hottest, youngest" is even remotely a consideration when selecting partners to add to the list of people I date. With age, we all gradually become less ideal in the looks department, so what would be the point? I'd just be shooting myself in the foot to chase younger and younger women each year.

Most middle aged men I know are either too lazy or don't have enough wherewithal to spin plates. Usually they feel they'd be happier just finding a nice girl and settling down with her. I really don't meet many guys that have the capability to maintain multiple, concurrent relationships and do so honestly.

So your list of qualities seems right for middle-aged guys seeking a relationship, but the context for your question is what kind of women a middle-aged, male "plate spinner" would seek out.

When I consider adding a woman to my dating roster, indeed youth and looks are not terribly important. In fact, since I have children I generally prefer women that are similar to me, having been married, having kids, are around my age, and are otherwise similar demographically. In middle age (mid 40s) I've found younger women are usually kind of annoying, princess-like, or vapid.

The main characteristic for taking a partner (plates isn't really a term I care a lot for) that I look at are:

attraction: speaks for itself
interest: she must be able to converse, she has a life, etc.
sexual connection: also speaks for itself
geography: too far away just doesn't work

Unspoken but also very important is that she be able to accept that she is only one of the people I date and that she be completely okay with that.

Interestingly, you'd think most women would be appalled when I suggest that we date non-exclusively, but most are just fine with it. Those that aren't are usually women that have never been married, no kids, looking to finally get married and start a pie-in-the-sky family. The women that I know who date openly, or spin plates or whatever you want to call it, usually have a very hard time finding guys that can accept and be okay with that.

[deleted] · 2014-04-01T02:56:09+00:00

I'm almost 40. If I were interested in another marriage and kids and all of that stuff, there's a whole lot to be said for marrying a younger woman.

But I'm not - I'm not looking for kids of my own nor am I looking to play Captain Save-A-Ho to someone else's. I'm interested in occasional companionship, good sexual experiences, and low stress. I'm not looking to put a ton of effort into chasing women or maintaining a relationship, they aren't worth it. I'm looking for a benefit in my life, not a time/money/emotion sink.

So I'm looking for attractiveness (looks and personality) and compatibility. Attractiveness is a threshold with a relatively low bar. Compatibility means no kids, no desire for kids, independence. She isn't getting a key to my house, let alone a ring.

trabant00 · 2014-04-01T10:52:36+00:00

Yes, men finding young girls attractive and wanting to have sex with them is laughable. You being hugely judgmental and disrespectful has nothing to do with what men will say or admit in your presence.

"Honestly dear, I want to know you think about this issue, are you a fucking pedo?!"

spongegloss00 · 2014-04-01T13:49:06+00:00

That says less about what older men want and more about the qualities that you bring to the relationship that he is forced to highlight to maintain peace.

spongegloss00 · 2014-04-01T17:47:48+00:00

Hm. Interesting that you said my partner was "shallow" for making a joke about how he always wants me to stay fit, and your partner has the same amount of physical preferences. I guess men who prefer women who are "curvy" are somehow less shallow than the men who prefer slender women. Makes perfect sense!

In all seriousness, I was actually talking to a guy in his 40s the other day, this guy does pretty well with women and has pulled women from 25-45. He'd probably be fine never getting married (he's divorced) but he'd make a good husband if he did get married, he's actually a pretty standup guy. He has had his fair share of young women, but he says he prefers women slightly younger than him, but not young enough to be his daughter. He says women develop more charm/elegance as they get older, as long as they don't resort to bitter/hardened behavior (which he admits is ridiculously common among women from 30-45). And he wasn't saying this to butter me up, considering I'm a "younger" woman. He does consider looks important, but he says it's an equal mix between that and other things, like conversational abilities, sense of humor, dependency, etc.

I've heard the same stuff from other men his age, but since they were married I assumed they were mostly saying it to appease their wives. I never truly trust the "preferences" that a man voices in front of his wife or girlfriend, same with a woman voicing her preferences in front of her partner...it's almost always skewed to make the other person happy. The reason I took this guy's words seriously is that he was single.

Of course, he's not going to turn down sex with a 25-year-old. And if he does have sex with one, he's going to feel pretty good afterward. But he says he wouldn't consider a woman that young for anything long-term. I believe it.

Of course, there are also guys who totally would want a wife that much younger, and TRP tends to attract men who have felt cheated out of their own youth (many have had awful experiences with women) so I feel their age standards (which sometimes don't even stay in line with biology, like "nobody over 20", and the estrogen doesn't even drop at 20) is sometimes a way to "get back" at the women who turned them down for stupid reasons, and a way to punish the unpleasant older women who are so difficult to date. It's a little childish, but then again, I don't really care if some 55-year-old wants to spend all his time chasing women my age. I wouldn't be interested, nobody I know would be interested, but if he happens to find someone, God love them both.

Most people, for the sake of not offending others, will put looks last on their list. I used to do that too. I'd still say they're less important than other things- in the sense that my partner and I, if single, wouldn't date a sociopath just because they were good looking. But we also wouldn't date ugly people just because they were "nice". Sexual attraction needs to happen somehow.

Aerobus · 2014-04-01T00:15:57+00:00

Not middle-aged, but I just want to clarify. Biologically men are hardwired to find out younger females because they are more fertile. However, as we humans have transcended our biological instincts, most men I imagine in that age range would not do that because relationships for them is beyond just sex. They want to have similar interests with their partner, and a woman around the same age as him will be around the same stage in life, while those much younger than him will not. Simply put, they won't be able to relate to one another well, which is why those older men laugh at the idea of having a relationship with younger girls.

When it comes to spinning plates, that's just honestly preference. There are plenty of RP guys that are in their late 30s early 40s who have no problem spinning plates with multiple younger women, while you describe the opposite. I think with this its just whatever men want, and its unfair to generalize that most men want to or don't want to.

[deleted] · 2014-04-01T01:56:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	What older men want
Author	BabeOfBlasphemy
Upvotes	7
Comments	111
Date	March 31, 2014 11:31 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/21vg5o/what_older_men_want/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-older-men-want.285996 https://theredarchive.com/post/285996

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