Why are post-breakup conversations more illuminating than conversations that were had in the relationship?

wtknight · 2022-09-20T02:58:45+00:00

Removed. No non-neutral discussion questions.

KombuchaEnema · 2022-09-19T23:51:28+00:00

Because there’s no pressure to maintain the romance. You can talk without the relationship looming over your heads. At the end of the conversation you can both go separate ways, no harm no foul. In a relationship it’s not that simple.

Also in relationships people feel like they have to lie. You can’t tell your partner you’re losing attraction to them because they’re getting fat. You have to sugarcoat it by saying “I think we should eat healthier together” because otherwise you’re a bad partner based on society’s standards. You have to tip-toe around each other’s feelings and that creates stress which destroys intimacy. It makes the relationship feel like a game or an act instead of a genuine relationship.

Once the relationship is over, you aren’t bound by those arbitrary rules. You can be as honest as you need to be…which opens the door to greater intimacy.

chattanoogacat · 2022-09-20T01:07:49+00:00

Most people should be grateful for any post breakup convo. Lots of valuable info and insight can be gained. If i had a constructive convo after every failed date or relationship i’d probably be in an even better place than i am now.

Unfortunately, most people feel like they don’t owe you anything except silence and gossip behind your back.

I’m always 100% percent down for closure

parahacker · 2022-09-20T01:32:52+00:00

That's you, mate.

Personally, I haven't found partners to be any more or less honest or expressive after a relationship than during it.

If they don't feel they can speak their mind until you're not dating anymore, you're doing it wrong.

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2022-09-19T23:53:40+00:00

People who say they don’t want the sugar coated reason probably have never had it brutally all laid out for them.

I mean you may tell your friends “oh I broke up with Suzy because she’s a dead fish and sometimes when she looks at me she’s got a lazy eye.

But would you really want that info told to you?

risdeveau · 2022-09-19T23:58:34+00:00

Because no one cares until they have to

JustRuss79 · 2022-09-20T02:02:55+00:00

Nothing at risk anymore. Who cares how they feel when you both have a broken heart.

fjfjjrbtvrvbsj · 2022-09-19T23:45:51+00:00

Because you realize how much a piece of shit they are at that point.

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GoodApollo506 · 2022-09-20T02:16:37+00:00

Because most relationships are built around false pretenses.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-09-20T02:23:19+00:00

I dont have post break up talks, we have already talked.

Fun_Push7168 · 2022-09-20T02:23:41+00:00

No risk of loss.

People are pretty open when Jack shit is riding on it.

catniagara · 2022-09-20T02:47:30+00:00

I don’t know why post breakup conversations work out this way for you. I don’t really have a comparison because I’ve been in 2 relationships in 18 years. I dated a lot of people but figured out early if there was a compatibility issue. My best guess is that sometimes people who aren’t compatible get and stay together for reasons that elude me, get mad at each other and break up, but remain in each other’s circles for reasons that also elude me…

I’m an alien on this planet. The few breakups I’ve had were relatively civil other than one that involved the police. The guys who have said rude things trying to hurt me were mostly guys I never dated and never would. And they definitely never explained the weirdo things they said 😂

Dude this has happened to you so many times there’s a “usually”? There’s a “if I had a dime”? Doooood.

Title	Why are post-breakup conversations more illuminating than conversations that were had in the relationship?
Author	88_MD
Upvotes	23
Comments	21
Date	September 19, 2022 11:44 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xisonb/why_are_postbreakup_conversations_more/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-are-post-breakup-conversations-more.1132408 https://theredarchive.com/post/1132408

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