OYS - Where Progress is Made (11/20/19)

rocknrollchuck · 2019-11-20T16:48:58+00:00

Background / Stats: 50 years old, 5’9”, 193.3 (+.3), 16% BF. Married 11 years, 17 year old son (other kids are grown up, married and moved out on their own). Discovered RP August of 2015.

Bible Study: 10. We read the Bible together every night as a family, and read through the entire Bible every year.

Anybody reading this who would like a copy of the Bible reading plan that I put together, I shared it in this post.

Physical / Lifting / Diet: Well, since starting back on squats and deadlifts my back pain has returned. It’s all muscular though, so it’s clear that I need to start over and work my way back up. I’ve transitioned to bodyweight squats temporarily to build up some stamina in my legs – they’re still strong, but my hamstrings / back of my thighs tense up and started cramping for days after doing squats. My back ached for days after doing deadlifts, so I need to work on strengthening my back and core muscles before going back to those full time. I’m disappointed, but it’s temporary. I’ve made far too many improvements overall to let this hold me back, but I need to be careful to avoid getting injured again. All my other lifts are solid.

Assurance of Salvation: 10

Scripture Memory: 6

Mission: 8

Evangelism: 8

Relationship / Sex / Game / Kino: Things are great here. My wife comes to the door and waits for me every evening when I get home, and she’s genuinely happy to see me. She’s bought some new clothes and been working on improving her look based on my recommendations – and she looks good. She’s still focused on losing weight, and although she doesn’t go to the gym as often as I would like, she’s making steady progress. Her friends constantly ask her how she stays looking so young, and get upset when she tells them it’s not a cream or makeup but just eating right, exercising and taking care of herself. She blushes every time I tell her it’s because I’m keeping her young :)

I’ve also been working on eliminating any hint of complaining, since I still have that tendency from time to time. I’m putting forth a positive vibe and encouraging my family with my words and my actions.

Parenting: My son went to watch 2 of his cross-country team members compete in the State finals on Saturday, which left my wife and I alone at the house for a good part of the day. He still hasn’t made a decision on what he wants to do next month – if he graduates early, then he can’t participate in Track. I’m sure he’ll take care of it – at the last minute. He came down with something for a few days last week and missed a day of school, but he’s hardly ever sick.

Quiet Time / Prayer: Radio continues to stay off in the car and I’ve been able to have some nice extra prayer time while driving.

Career/Finances: Unchanged. Waiting on God. Things continue to ramp up at work, and it’s always busiest right at the holidays – everybody comes out of the woodwork and wants stuff the day before we get some time off, which makes it a hassle. It’s not the customer’s fault, it’s our customer service department. But I’ll handle it and pass the test.

Home Projects: Got a couple of small things knocked out but nothing big. With the holidays coming up I’m focusing on keeping a good vibe and connecting with family. This will be my son’s last holiday season at home unless he comes back to visit after leaving for the military, so I want to focus on making everything good and smooth as possible. And while my wife usually does all the cooking, I do Thanksgiving dinner – everything from the turkey to all the sides – myself. Looking forward to that.

Fellowship: Thursday night online Bible study/fellowship continues to be a real blessing. It got canceled last week, but looking forward to it this week.

Social: Never heard anything from that friend that was coming into town, I’m not sure what happened. No plans as of right now, but will have guests over for Thanksgiving dinner.

lololasaurus · 2019-11-20T15:41:21+00:00

OYS 11/20/2019

Summary

38, married 9 years (she's 39), 7 kids. Found red pill about Thanksgiving of 2017.

Goals set last week and accountability

Weight <179 MISS 179.2 this morning. Dang it, so close.
BJJ or lifting minimum 5 times. HIT 7 visits to gym/BJJ
Scripture study consistently myself (putting my oxygen mask on first, then adding my wife) MISS
Continue in WISNIFG through chapter 6 (est) HIT
Keep spending a couple hours a day or so clearing out old projects or finishing them. Do not take on any new ones that aren't absolutely necessary. HIT
Talk to 2 strangers this week. HIT
Do not reward disrespect with supportive behavior - break the cycle - do not be unconditionally supportive and own how well I do at this next week. HIT
Reset daily. HIT
Consistently do the work with the kids on the chore/routine stuff. MIXED

Physical

5'-9" 179.2lb this morning (-0.6lb). 14% bodyfat per navy method.

Lifts

All weights in 1RM form. I don't train at 100% as I have no desire to be injured again, but instead use 5/3/1 in the app form, which calculates my 1RM from my reps and has me work volume AND weight, so to speak.

DL-455, SQ-390, BENCH-210, OHP-143

Health, Diet, and Other Physicality:

Good. My sensei told me I should try yoga because I'm too tight/closed at BJJ. So I'm looking like a total goof in my living room at night doing that. My kneecap has been hurting, gonna hit up the doc on this today or tomorrow.

52 day streak now recording my calories accurately. Weight is moving slowly in the right direction, in the aggregate.

I train BJJ twice a week, plus an open mats session. Wife has been frequently joining me at the gym as well when I lift.

Relationship

Honestly, hasn't been great. Wife has been very distant. Will always kiss me back when I kiss her, but there is zero passion in it and if I stop she just turns and goes back to what she's doing. Zero effort. Zero warmth. Sex nonexistent.

Parenting

I don't want to accidentally doxx myself so I won't share details of what is definitely a very unique situation, but one of my daughters was born with some congenital birth defects that require some specialized care. Took her to the nearby big city yesterday to see the specialists at a children's hospital to do some special really cool high tech stuff to help her. It was a good time together.

My 9 year old son has been utterly out of control lately. I am working to come up with some solutions here; he is physically violent with people and destroying property in malice.

Financial

I want to be able to buy a house and stop renting, so I've been working on getting some nonsense that (legitimately) shouldn't be on my credit reports removed, and a bunch of things have come together over this past week to contribute greatly to that. Additionally, I've seen some success at removing a couple negative things that actually were legit. I've figured out open enrollment and savings plans for the next year and I'm close to being debt free, completely, except for the debts my wife has created in her name (but community property...). I would have already been... but when I had to recover my kiddo from a different state when her mom passed, I had to use some debt to accomplish the mission.

Reading

Re-reading WISNIFG - On chapter 7.

Mission

I will glorify God and enjoy Him in this life, by contributing to the Kingdom of God by making new disciples, discipling those I am responsible for with the intention of sending them out to make yet more disciples, and productive use of my business and technical talents in business, and my range of personal interests in service to others so that I am able to give sacrificially and generously to also help those in genuine need, but also so that I can eventually employ those in less deep need. I also want to help men within the Church act like men, for those who want to do so.

I want to run businesses, make disciples, raise up my children to love the Lord Jesus, be able to freely give to those who need it or serve them in other ways, and help men in situations like I have come through.

Progress on Mission

Clearing out my garage of unfinished projects and junk - I've made great strides on this - made a big dump run, selling small stuff on craigslist, etc.
Lots of great conversations with strangers this week. Every time I think I should chat with someone but maybe I will go later, I've made a habit of deciding no, that means go talk to them right now. And it's gone great.

Bible study: 4. I've read at least some scripture every day, but I feel far from God right now.

Evangelism: 2. Conversations this week just haven't gone here.

Scripture memory: 7

Assurance of salvation: 10

Goals this next week

Weight <178
BJJ or lifting minimum 5 times.
Scripture study consistently myself (putting my oxygen mask on first, then adding my wife)
Continue in WISNIFG through chapter 8 (est)
Keep spending a couple hours a day or so clearing out old projects or finishing them. Do not take on any new ones that aren't absolutely necessary.
Talk to 2 strangers this week.
Do not reward disrespect with supportive behavior - break the cycle - do not be unconditionally supportive and own how well I do at this next week.
Reset daily.
Consistently do the work with the kids on the chore/routine stuff.

AlanNoles · 2019-11-20T18:26:35+00:00

Physical

WEIGHT: 205

BF: 22%

My lifts have been poop this week. I am 100% sure it is because of diet. My numbers dropping has been the trend for the past 4 weeks with no weight loss. Liquid calories and the candy is still my biggest problem. My job has a big bowl of candy in the middle that gets resupplied every day. At least once a week there is usually a cake of some sort as well. My joke in the office is they are trying to give employees diabetes so we pay for their new “benefits” for healthcare.

Not only was it candy but liquid calories as well. I will spare the details but I discovered the tea I was drinking had sugar already added but I was not aware of it. I was mainly drinking it in the afternoon for a caffeine boost but now I will refrain from it. With the honey I added as well it was around 40g of sugar just for that alone. Not to mention the candy.

I am pretty sure I am addicted to sugar and caffeine. It is extremely hard for me to cold turkey both. I am slowly weaning off of them.

I have started drinking my coffee black with no additives. At least this will help me with the liquid calorie intake. As for the candy, I just need to show impulse control and keep my hand out of the bowl.

Besides that, we had a pot-o-luck at work as well and I was probably way over my calorie goal in that to. I ate banana pudding and some other sugary stuff that day.

My wife is going to the APT Gym at least three days a week now. I am proud of her commitment in this area. She mainly just walks for 10 mins then flips a tire around 16 times but I tell her something is always better than nothing. I was going to ask her if she is ready to sign up for LA Fitness. I can sign her up for 30/ a month right now with no initiation fees. IMO the apartment gym is crappy. She can get a lot more done at a legit gym. I am sure I can motivate her in this area.

PHYSICAL GOAL THIS WEEK: Show impulse control and stay away from candy/sugar.

Mental/Emotional

Last Wednesday was D-DAY basically. My wife asked me if I was watching porn that afternoon. I assumed it was because she was on my Reddit (the only place I mentioned it) so I asked her why she was on my stuff. Turns out she asked me because she saw toilet paper in the toilet and it was just her hamster spinning, but since I mentioned Reddit, of course, she went to investigate (later that night).

I got home and she was giving me the silent treatment for the most part. We left that night to go watch one of her co-worker’s son HS basketball game. On the way there she asked me if I was a porn addict since this was something that kept reoccurring. RedCurious’s recent post about porn came to mind but I just said, “No, watching porn was definitely wrong of me, but you are upset about a symptom and not the larger issue.”

She did not ask me what that “larger issue” was, but she cried the rest of the way to her co-worker's house. Before we got out she basically said I really hurt her by doing that, but she was praying about it and it was between me and God.

The game that night was a lot of fun and there was a particular scene that was amusing.

My wife brought a blow horn to the game and a coach came and took it from her before the game started. I guess he did it authoritatively so her autopilot response was to hand it over. Anyways he threw it in a trash can. (I was on my phone and the stadium was kind of loud so I did not even see this go down.)

She asks me to go get her blow horn out of the can. I find one piece, but the other was not there.

Long story short, she mentioned she was upset about this throughout the game and she was looking for an opportunity to confront the guy about it. At the end of the game, she asked me to follow her across the court. She basically screams at the dude about it and demands either a refund of 5$ or the other piece of her horn back (we thought he had it). They go back and forth for about 30 seconds and the guy basically tells her to screw off at the end by broken recording “Have a nice night”

She storms back to the other side of the court and me and the guy are just standing there awkwardly. The guy tells me, “I was not trying to be rude… it is just regulation! You cannot have a blow horn at a game.” All I say was “Yeah, I think she is more upset about the way you handled it. You did not have to take it from her, you could have just said to put it away.” Him: “Yeah but it is regulation. How was I supposed to know she would not blow it again” Me: “Yeah I get that, but this conversation is kind of pointless. Like you said have a nice night.”

Talking to her about it on the way home it basically boiled down to as she felt disrespected. I told her I thought it was kind of extra because nothing good could have potentially come out of it, but she said she would have thought about it all night if she did not give the guy a piece of her mind.

When we got home that night I went to go take a shower. While I was in the shower I am assuming someone responded to my OYS and that is when she found out about Fight Club. I knew something was up because she was tooo quiet and she slammed the bedroom door.

Long story short, at first she was really pissed and it would have been pointless to engage until she calmed down. She was a mixture of insults and actual issues I could work with. I just tried to maintain my cool on the outside (although I was exploding on the inside) (she was saying some rude stuff) and listened for the root cause and it was mainly:

She felt offended I was on Reddit telling our lives to strangers and felt like I communicate more about my life on here than I do to her.
Our communication sucks.
Insults
Insults
Our communication sucks.
Stop talking about her on Reddit!!!

I start by saying. “No, I won’t stop posting on Reddit about “you” since “youuuu” are part of my life. I talk about my life, and you happen to be a part of it. After that, I listened to her objections and responded in a nice way by asking questions. I asked her, “Would you say that our marriage has gotten better over the past year?

She says YES, but not the past few weeks. I agreed with her on that because it was true. I was on the backslide and yes, our communication, time spent together, and affection has sucked as of late. I apologized for not being emotionally available and that I would work on that.

Since then, our relationship has reset back to baseline. That Thursday night we had sex and the immersion was great. Friday I initiated and I could tell she was not super in the mood (her monthly was about to start) but I am trying to reset my mind to not focus on “quality” all of the time. Immersion is obviously great, but it comes and goes. Expecting balls draining sex each time would be unsustainable/impossible for both of us long term. That in my mind is probably just some unrealistic sexual fantasy I have that I need to kill because it is not based in reality.

Over the weekend I was at drill (I passed my Physical Fitness test) and since Monday I have tried to be more focused on spending time with her and not nitpicking minor character flaws. The increase in time in affection has made our relationship a lot more fun and enjoyable for both of us I must admit.

Praexology · 2019-11-21T00:13:33+00:00

Work

Not great, looking for another job. Boss decided to scream at me over the phone over stupid crap.

I thought a lot about what u/rockandrollchuck said. (Me being micromanaging) I thought maybe, but I've come to the conclusion that it's more the workplace I'm in that has the problem. [Redacted my victim vomit, I am only in control of myself. No reason to rip open the wound worse.]

There is a few GOVT positions available that would fit my skills well and would really push my learning. So that will be in my prayers.

Sex/Relationship

Had full on penetration once this week and last. Attempted sex 6/7 days. It's pretty fun.

I am leading and she is following well. her family is 180°-ing. Her dad lowkey dipped on a phonecall with her to talk to me. What is this family. Lol.

Finances

Invested the money we got from the wedding. Hopefully the dividends will start pouring (trickling) in. It would have been nice to use that money for a nice new thingy but our future will be more secure.

Faith

Wife and I are going through a devotional together that my old mentor got us for the wedding. "New Morning Mercies"

I think my sister is being primed to receive a legitimate faith. We had a pretty visceral talk about our childhoods and where she is now with her husband. Wife's dad is also being more open to it.

Mental

Definitely think I'm going through a depressive bout. Will check in later.

Physical

Havent been able to get into the gym because I am pathetic. So I've been watching what I eat, plan is to go on friday.

dansnapsit · 2019-11-21T15:41:14+00:00

Background / Stats: 28, 5'9", 158, Single. Full time at a church with youth/worship.

Bible Study: 7. I read through a chapter each morning/various verses and meditate on them and send them to a few of the students I mentor at my church and star a discussion on it.

Physical: I've had a gym membership for awhile now, but I've neglected it hard. Lots of excuses and depression kept me out of it. Went today and pushed myself hard and my mood brightened like crazy. Need to get my diet under check because I've been stress eating consistently.

Relationship: Single Pringle, but I've had a lot of attention from the girls at my church. Had some throw themselves at me, which has been a huge ego boost. I think I ended up getting a mild case of oneitis with one of the girls tho. Super pretty, comes from a rich family and has reached out to me a lot. She wouldn't put any effort into the conversations and was telling me how some ladies were trying to hook her up with their grandsons, so I started backing off and left her on read after she responded with a bland two word text. Saw her at church last night and she was rude as heck, so I smiled and ignored her and focused on making sure the kids I'm around had a good time. Disappointed in that girl, and I've been struggling with some intense anger today.

Prayer: 4. I find myself talking to myself more than I'm praying to God about direction/guidance.

Mission: Using my music to minister to people. I've been able to bring some of my original songs to the church I'm at and I've had a wonderful response. It's an amazing feeling to know a song that I wrote to God can so positively affect a teen that is feeling hopeless. I want to continue this and if God leads me to bigger things with it... awesome. If not, I'm content with worship God with these songs.

cdnrpc · 2019-11-20T15:58:13+00:00

Current: 27M, Married x 5 years, together almost 10. 190.1lbs. BF~21%, 5'11".

Weight:
- Long term: Cut to 175lbs (or w/e gets me abs)
- Short term: Lose 1LB/wk (approx. 2000 cals/day) -- **HIT**
- Last week - 190.4 Current - 188.8 **HIT** -- I decided to ignore /u/rocknrollchuck on trying bulking, I'm not willing to turn around when I'm feeling pretty close to my desired leanness. Finally some movement. I only weighed myself twice last week, once at 188.2 once at 189.4, so we'll split the difference at 188.8. Ignoring the scale day-to-day and focusing on the calorie count harder seemed to help me stay tighter and track with more precision. Average daily calorie intake was 2400, which is still a bit higher than I should be to be hitting my goals but with 4 hard workouts this week, it still puts me near a 3500 cal deficit on the week. Will try to tighten under 2200 this week.
- Pro-tip I learned: A cup of 2% cottage cheese at bedtime has helped me stay somewhat full overnight so I'm not waking to eat and falling asleep easier. Slow-digesting protein.

Lifting:
- Long Term: Recover from back injury ASAP - no timeline
- Short Term: Do my physio-prescribed exercises daily until next f/u **MISS** - back is mostly improved although still feel weakness in my right calf. Need to clamp down on the exercises and hope it heals completely eventually -- still haven't improved on this.
- Short Term: Continue lifting as best I can minimum 3X/wk -- **hit** -- did 4 AM workouts since last OYS.
- Short Term: PR on 1 lift per week, while cutting... this wk: E1RM RDL --> 287lbs, Glute Bridge --> 245lbs
- Longer term: Once at goal BF (6 pack showing) clean bulk and increase lifts to:
  - Squat 360 lbs
  - Bench press 270 lbs
  - Deadlift 430 lbs
  - Do 1 pull-up with body weight + 90 lbs on dip belt
  - OH press 160 lbs

Family
- Long term: Develop a more concrete mission. Right now I just do the things I like/want to do... start a business, spend time with my kid and wife, some time with friends, lift.
- Long term Goal: **Lead my family well, in a way that glorifies God**
- Short term: Direct my wife in a few tasks I need assistance with *MISS*
  - Can't think of anything I directed her in. She was going all-out prepping for our daughters 1st birthday for a good part of the week. She always overdoes it on things like this. Our house was a disaster from her meal prep. After getting home from 12 hours at work, I was frustrated with the state of the house. She has been very thankful for my patience with her because she knows she's let things get out of hand. I just stayed out of the way and did my own thing for the most part this week.
- Short term: get up early enough to hit gym and return for breakfast with family *still a miss* but managed 4 AM workouts, 2 or 3 of which I did early enough to come home and eat breakfast. Wife and daughter sometimes are still asleep even until I leave for work. Next week daughter starts back at daycare Mon+Tues, so that will test me as I'll have a hard deadline to get home by 7:30, get her up and off to daycare before I start work at 9.

Sex
- Goal for this week: **MISS** continue to initiate and maintain OI. I think I'm just hiding my butthurt currently-- wife is just wrapping up shark week. Over the last 1.5 weeks I've been feeling that desire for validation well up in me. Have gotten some strong IOI from a few women in my life lately and found myself not desiring to push through anything beyond an enthusiastic yes from my wife while my mind wanders to the "what ifs" of various other women. I know this is some sort of "abundance" mentality but it feels off to me.
- We have company staying with us again this week for 3 days which historically has been a great excuse to not have any sexual contact -- employed some very overt text game on my wife yesterday anyways... "Are you pretty well done your period? Been thinking about boning you all day". No reply for about 4 hours then "Yeah it's pretty much done :)". I said "Great, you should figure out a way we can make that happen tonight" -- I feel like this is putting the onus on her to respond to my initiation--and I just don't feel like following up when she has had little reciprocation, only compliance for the last while. I ran some errands after work and got home around 9:30, she was chatting with our guest (her female friend who brought 2 infants in tow). I was upbeat, funny, friendly and had a good chat with her then hit the hay by 10:30. Think wife came to bed around 11:30 and I half woke-up cuz she was playing on her phone.
- push for something "new" in the bedroom (also while maintaining OI) **miss** Feel like this is going to take more slow-build/immersion (haven't read SGM but read a few summaries on DEVI) probably during ovulation time to move the needle. Will try more over next week/two. Will also try and utilize DEVI more in general

Church/social
- Perform at least 1 leadership/uncomfortable activity intentionally. -- **miss** Need to look for opportunities here within my current schedule -- at work, church, social -- that don't take too much investment as I'm pretty well at capacity.
- Had lunch with a friend yesterday, was a good chat, some bible discussion.

Assurance of Salvation - 9/10
Quiet Time/Devotional/Bible Study - 6/10 -- Switched to listening to the bible on my drive to and from work. Still get a lot out of it when I don't let the mind wander. Part-way through Numbers now.
Scripture Memory - 0
Prayer - 7/10 -- initiating prayer with family at bedtime, and before meals consistently still.
Evangelism - 2/10 -- no further progress, though building relationships with some non-Christian peers steadily.
Fellowship -- 4/10 -- had lunch with a Christian friend.

Business
- Short Term: Grow weekly towards profitability by end of calendar year **HIT** -- As predicted, seasonal trends caused a slow-down this week. Barely hit my target, but a hit is a hit.
- Long Term: Enough profitability to pay wife a part-time salary
- By end of calendar year: Have ads up, I have conducted 4 brief phone interviews. 3 candidates have not been a fit -- I'm looking for Part-time -- 1 candidate found FT, 2 candidates have non-competition clauses so they cannot work for me PT while also working with their current employers (not sure why they are wasting my time). The 4th candidate may be a fit -- she phoned me up and has already been recommended to me by a client -- she's supposed to come by today for a more in-depth discussion.

AlanNoles · 2019-11-20T18:26:42+00:00

Financial

I and my wife discussed a new budget throughout the week so we are both on the same page here. I am praying God opens the door for a promotion as well since it looks like at least two leadership positions will open up in my company within the next month or so. If it is in God’s will it will be done.

My wife is also struggling with dealing with her crazy boss. She also feels like she does not do enough financially to help out. I think her staying in ortho would be wise long, long term but she says she does not like the job anymore. She is only 21 so I support her if she wants to make a career change because I want her to do something that she enjoys. I will continue to pray for her in this area.

Spiritual

I have read my bible daily this week so I am going strong here. I have been slacking on reading at home with my wife though and have not asked her if she has been keeping up with it. We are supposed to be going to the Club this weekend for one of our small group dates so it should be a lot of fun. I am looking forward to it. I am debating bringing my Thanksgiving gospel-tracts but we will see. Lol.

Prayer is something I have been sucking at recently. I used to pray every morning on the way to work. I have made this a priority again. However, I do not feel as strong of an “emotional” connection when I pray anymore. Like any relationship, intense feelings come and go.

Djeantine94 · 2019-11-20T20:11:55+00:00

OYS 11.20.19

Male / 25 / 5'9" / Single / Weight 150 / Deadlift 160 / Squat 165 / Bench 155-> 135 / Barbell Row 150 / O H P 70

Physical: Since joining the gym I've been hitting it Monday, Wednesday, Friday going up on the weights which is awesome. No losing weight.

Diet has been lots of rice, chicken or beef, eggs, soups, peanut butters, dried fruits, trail mix, and jerky.

No porn, weed, cigarettes, fornication, or anything to note which is great progress from this time last year. No wife to speak of to use kino on. No girlfriend to note and the young lady I talk to is in Trinidad so there's no way to go to far phycsically with her but I have been lusting something serious after her. Some conversations and pictures she sends even though they're not sexual get me going. Anything gets me going these days. It's been trial by fire to control my sexual desires.

Fashion is sense is well. It's been getting me looks but I would like to improve some more. Never leaving the house underdressed or in gym clothes unless i'm working out or playing sports.

My income is finally existent now since I've started working and in my opinion it's a great sum of money for a single 25 year old.

Mental: I've been going through the book of book for some time now. Some of the concepts I can easily apply others I've just gotta make sense of. Last week I thought my frame was rock solid but this week I think it could use work. Here's why.

So I have been telling you about the girl from Trini that I like. Well for context, I've wanted a large family of about 5 or 6 for years now. She also wants the same thing. Sometimes I get ahead of myself and start saying things like imma put a baby in you. Imma marry you and just very aggressive language. She responds very well to this but here's the back draw.

Last night before I called her I thought it would be wise to get counsel from my minister. So I did. needless to say I was advised to slow my role, meet her parents, just hang out and get to know each other because after you're married is too late to get to know each other.

So I cooled my jets.

I call her we chat about the regular stuff I ask about her day she loves to hear me talk about mine and we do that for about 20-45 minutes. next thing I hear is "talk to me" I was sarcastic and said clearly we haven't been talking for the last 45 minutes. she repeats and I say the same thing.

I change the subject to something I found interesting which was "I spy" I lead with I spy with my little eye something silver I get no response and hear get to the point.

I usually have a great attitude out of her but this was out of the blue for her so I say i like your other attitude better.

I guess she wanted me to talk about marriage and family with her but I was trying to have fun. I mentioned something a few days ago about I had some ideas to run across her but I never did so I guess I was expected to go there but I honestly can't read minds so all I know is I'm dealing with an attitude and somethings up.

I got some links to negative inquiry last week and I think that would have helped if I would've done it.

I do struggle with living up to my father's expectation. I'm advised to look for a younger girl that's pretty and lives close by but I only have girls in my church that aren't so young or close by and not always interested in me so I do struggle with his expectations of me.

I have mastered AA. No to AM and NI. No to STFU and yes to DNGAF i think i have too much DNGAF so please advise if there is such a thing. I think I pass fitness tests and fail comfort tests. I've gotta brush up on those again.

This week I prayed with her. I lead in a book reading study together and I think that's it.

The only place I feel pressure to act from is in God's way. I work in a hospital and am literally surrounded by TONS of attractive women some who are really receptive and flirty with me so it's extremely hard to control my desires. I haven't done much flirting talking to them but my mind still wonders and I literally imagine myself banging them from the back until I can catch myself and tell myself no and to focus and try to build something with this girl in trini with the same religious and family beliefs as me.

I don't think I'm depressed or lonely. Alone but not lonely.

And yes I'm secure that God's will is good.

Spiritual: 7 Basics Assurance of Salvation: 8 God's promise is true. Quiet Time/ Devotional: 5 I wake up every morning and read proverbs and listen to a sermon. Bible Study:4 Could spend more actual time in my bible Scripture Memory: 7 I'm able to call scripture readily working on my locations in the bible. Prayer: 6 I ride one way in the car and pray no radio no nothing just prayer. Evangelism:2 Just seen u/rockandrollchuck post something about this on my last OYS so there's no excuse now. Fellowship: 4 I organized a get together with my guys from church this week. I'm trying to lead in getting the young men together. We're too young to be old and boring.

My mission isn't solidified but I got a post from last week's OYS to look at I started but I've gotta do the work in the post. my mission does extend beyond the home and My pastor is discipling me. I'm not discipling anyone else as of yet.

Haven't talked to any of my non christian friends about God but I think now is a great time to start.

And I could use work on prophecy.

I'm looking to be consistent with my diet next week. Figure out how to build frame and try to control my sexual desires.

Until next week fellas

rocknrollchuck · 2019-11-20T23:27:46+00:00

OYS #14

Background/Stats: 34 y.o., 5'7", 187.0 lbs., 16.8% bodyfat (per Navy method). Married 9 years, wife is also 34, and we have 3 little kids.

Bench press PR is 285, deadlift PR is 440. Found this place spring of 2018.

Reading completed: RPC sidebar, MMSLP, Rational Male, NMMNG, WISNIFG, Biblical Masculinity Blueprint, SLSM by Bluepill Professor, The Game.

PHYSICAL: Been sick since last week, so not much to report. Did a couple short kettlebell workouts at the end of last week, but nothing since then. No barbell lifts, no running since my last OYS. I am down 0.6 pounds.

I did realize that the last time I lifted (not this past Saturday but the Saturday before that), I actually did 392 x 5, on hex-bar deadlift, not 375 x 5. Turns out I added the weights incorrectly and also learned that my hex-bar weighs 52 pounds, not 45 like a standard Olympic bar. So that was a nice surprise.

MENTAL/SEX: Sex 2x since last week. My wife said last week that she wants to start working out again and dressing better so that I will still want to have sex with her when we get older. Since then, she’s followed up by working out 3x, going to the hairdressers, and going clothes shopping. She hasn’t gotten her hair done in months and hasn’t bought clothes in a couple years. She looks great, and last Friday morning we had some of the best sex we’ve had in a long time.

Unfortunately, we followed that up with a fight on Saturday night. I had to work late Friday night and my cold got worse with limited sleep. We were supposed to go out Saturday night, but I was coughing a lot. At first, my wife was great – she suggested we reschedule our date, which I really appreciated. I had no energy and felt like crap. But our kids threw a fit (they were supposed to see their grandparents) and my wife had a meltdown. She was already disappointed about not going out, and our kids’ reaction set her off. We ended up arguing and she took the kids to their grandparents and went to a moms’ night out sponsored by our church. When she got home, she was distant and cold - a pretty abrupt change from her sweet and flirty behavior the day before.

After my family left, I had a brief pity party for myself. I was thinking about how last week when she was sick, I was “Super Dad” and took the kids for several hours so she could nap, made pancakes, grilled burgers, etc. In contrast, when I got sick, she abruptly stopped being sweet and had a meltdown because we didn’t go on our date. I’m embarrassed to write this, but during my brief pity party, I punched a hole in a bathroom wall. Nobody was around, but it was still embarrassing.

I haven’t done anything like that in years, although I used to have a pretty bad temper. They talk about that in NMMNG, the nice guy who bottles up anger and then explodes. That was me. As a teenager, I’d get into fights. After college, I was too worried about my career to get into fights, so when I felt that explosive anger, I’d punch a wall. I really don’t want my kids to see that, so since becoming a father, I’ve tried to channel that anger into lifting weights, and that has usually worked well. I’m not sure why this incident got to me so much.

I’m not sure what the correct RPC/MRP “move” is when you’re sick. I feel like NMMNG would say to stay home when you feel like crap, then MRP says to be the Oak during your wife’s emotional storms. I stayed home, but that didn’t exactly turn out amazing. She went from being sweet and flirty to cold and distant.

Things are now back to normal. I was busy with work a lot during the early part of the week, but when I got home last night, she was back to being sweet and flirty. We had good sex this morning.

SPIRITUAL: Not much progress on my Bible reading plan this week, but I was a couple weeks ahead, so I’m still on target.

We skipped church again this week, this time because I was sick (last week it was the wife and kids). We listened to a sermon podcast instead.

No progress reading Purpose Driven Life with my work buddy. We've both missed a couple days for being sick, and then I was really busy earlier this week.

Also, I need a more focused approach to prayer.

GOALS for EOY 2019: Specific outcome goals and progress:

Be current on my Bible reading plan. Currently 7 days ahead (this plan has me reading 1 chapter per day, and you finish the entire Bible in 3 years).
Weigh under 180 pounds or waist size under 34 inches. Down 0.6 pounds from last week to 187.0. Waist still around 35.
Bench press 285 pounds for 1 rep. Completed.
Run a 5k under 26:00. Signed up for 5k on Jan. 1, 2020. Jogged 1x since last week.
Whiten my teeth. Whitening toothpaste is working pretty well.
Earn another bonus. Doing my best. I’ve gotten some great feedback recently, but I’m not sure the project I’m working on will pay-off before the EOY.
Finish reading 2 books to help me grow professionally. No progress here. Need to start doing professional reading first thing when I get to work, or buying books on Audible.
Finish reading SGM, re-read NMMNG, and read "No More Christian Nice Guy." Finished NMMNG. Have not made much recent progress listening to No More Christian Nice Guy on Audible.

UpTanks · 2019-11-21T02:03:28+00:00

OYS 3

21 years old
6’4’’, 89kg (196lb), body fat: 12.1%. Dropped weight this week, I eat heaps but maybe not regularly enough? Not sure, but I feel explosive so idm.
Lifted 2 times this week, plyo’s once

Strained my hamstring during jump training and core doing a new workout so rested for a few days, 1st vs 2nd in basketball on Tuesday night and was a great game. Since I’ve always been a bit of a softie/scared of confrontation, I was surprised when I was fouled hard and I pushed the dude and told him get out of my face lol. I also bullied this other guy in the paint for an and-1 and flexed on em’ hahaha

I see this as good progress.

Mental/Emotional:

Bible/Prayerful quiet time: Every day now and consistently hitting the 3 chapters per day has been a big transformation. Prayers are much better too.
Sidebar: Since I get headaches from computer screens I don’t get around to the sidebar as much as the book by Casper currently. Up to chapter 5: cultivating masculine leadership.

Trials:

Nothing serious this week, used porn once and I was half-conscious when I did it so wasn’t really guilty about it. More perplexed tbh. Masturbated last night but my fault since I let my thoughts wander and I couldn't sleep (our AC is broken and it hit 30C (86F) last night), bush fire season came early this year. There's fires up in NSW bigger than some countries atm - crazy stuff.

Applying RP:

I’m having some struggle when applying RP to certain situations, but I suppose it’s all part of the growth process. For example, my sister operates under the contract that if she cleans the kitchen on a certain day, then she doesn’t have to do it the next – even if she makes a massive mess. How do I combat other people operating under contracts? Also, how do I address disrespect from my sisters?

I’m at the point where RP is opening my eyes to a lot of things and its almost becoming sensory overload. As with all of us at some point I’m sure, I have a nice guy streak within me that I’m trying to kill. So, I’ve made my main focus holding frame and not operating under contracts etc. Any blokes who have been at this stage have any tips?

Spiritual

Assurance of Salvation: 9.8
Quiet Time/Devotional: 8, finished Daniel and it was awesome
Bible Study: 7
Scripture Memory: 5
Prayer: 7
Evangelism: 8, This week has been really good, and I’ve started some conversations which I never thought I could have with some of my friends. I mean dudes who were really dismissive and cynical about Christianity. Their hearts are becoming much softer and receptive to the Lord and I can sense the shift which is crazy. So humbled and blessed to be the messenger, really happy and just Praise the Lord!
- The funny thing I wasn’t even intentional in evangelizing per se, I was just focused on being a good friend and enjoying their company. Which is evangelizing, but not in the way I’d previously been taught.
Fellowship: 5, trying to catch up with my Church guy friends and it’s the classic case of we don’t even want to see each other since all we do is grab food and talk about oUr StRugGleS. Trying to break that by inviting them to do fun stuff.

The mission: Be sanctified and through actions and words be a witness to the people around me for Christ.

Short term:

I reached the job interview stage for the Youth Minister role at my old school, really stoked
Laying the groundwork for the men’s group at the uni Christian group, will catch up with my pastor this week to talk it through
National conference in Canberra coming up in December
Preparing for placement in Timor: got approved for academic credit – massive win here
Finish my BA next year

Long term: To decide whether I should go into full-time ministry or Gov, non-Gov, private sector etc. And to be a Christian man.

SkimTheDross · 2019-11-21T10:23:47+00:00

OYS #46

Stats - 6’ 1”, 180.8 lb [+0.5 lb], 15% BF Navy Method, Current PR's: BP 185 for 5, SQ 266 for 7, OHP 126 for 4, DL 306 for 6, Symmetric Strength Score: 67.6

Background - 38, Married for 15 years together 20, two children. Found RP in May 2018 and started OYS on RPC in October 2018.

Reading - Finished The 50th Law. Have multiple Audible credits piled up. Need to pick the next one.

Ministry

Teaching Sunday School continues to go well. Class size seems to increase each week. I’m getting more comfortable speaking off the cuff and in front of the group. The amount of time I have to invest to prep is decreasing and the quality of the class is increasing. I’m learning to ask better questions and let the silence stew.

Physical

Train - 5/3/1 for Hard Gainers. Missed two lift targets last week on week 3 (heavy week) of the cycle. Didn't get a full 5 x 5 on 185 bench and only got 4 reps on OHP 126. I upped the training the load anyhow and started week 1 on the next cycle this week. I'm weak on bench and OHP. I train a 5 x 10 at a lighter load of BP and Incline Press as accessories.
Eat - Not tracking 100% every day but eating well. Getting 3,000 to 3,300 calories a day and 250-275 grams of protein per day, mostly from meat.
Sleep - Much better on sleep this week. Haven't tracked yet, but estimate average was a bit under 7 hours a day. Feel a ton better as a result. Trying to sleep extra the day after DL and SQ training.

Spiritual - 6/10

Prayer - Have gotten lax on this in the past weeks. I'm using a timer to force myself to slow and and pray intentionally once a day. Just started building this habit today.
Bible Reading - Completed my Read-the-Bible-In-A-Year Plan this week - about 6 weeks late. Going to start again with another plan this week.
Evangelism - Very lax. Some faith talk out of church such as "I feel blessed because...". I'm becoming more aware of openings in conversation to discuss the gospel.
Scripture Memory - Carried the same verse for the past two weeks.
Purity - Still listen to early 2000's hard rock like Godsmack, Korn and Disturbed. Have turned the radio off all together many times this week. Skillet and POD are good alternatives for a pump on the last set of heavy lifts.
Bible Study - Nothing this week.

Sex/Relationship - 7/10

My long hours has my wife stressed due to handling nearly everything by herself at home for several weeks other than Sundays. This is coming to a close and I can have more of a presence at home with the children.

I'm teasing/verbalizing different roles for my wife in conversation. My wife got up one morning and immediately started discussing business asking about the status of different AP and AR. I gave a quick answer and then said "I can talk to my bookkeeper later today on the phone, I'm interested in knowing what's on my lover's mind this morning."

Using kino such as touching back of her elbow lightly during a conversation or placing my hand on her lower back as I move past her in the kitchen.

Seem to be getting more compliance tests lately. I was home at a good hour for the first time in days and my wife “told me” I was going outside to do a chore that is her and my daughter’s to do. After some fogging and broken record they went out and took care of it.

No sex this week mainly due to getting home after wife is in bed and getting up before her most days.

Financial - 9/10

Downloaded and set up a budget for November on EveryDollar app. This is very easy to use and looks like a great tool. I bought the pay service to download bank transactions.

Parenting - 7/10

Didn’t have Bible study with the kids at all this week. I’ll get back on course here now that late hours are done. Had my phone in my face too many times this week when my kids wanted my attention.

Took my son out of the house to do “man stuff” several times which he said he loves. “Dad, I love spending time with you”. Overall, I get angry much, much less than the blue-pill version of me did. It’s not that I’m controlling my anger, I don’t get angry in the first place. This is especially evident in my parenting. I don’t lose my cool with them much at all. I’d be lying if I said I never get frustrated or mad.

Hobby - 1/10

Made a call to a martial arts studio. It’s a far drive and I’d likely only go once a month or once every two weeks at best. I don’t know how much benefit I’d get from that. I have a heavy bag I can setup in my home gym to do some “at home” work if that’s a thing. May go check it out this Saturday. I don’t plan on telling my wife.

Social - 2/10

Very little happening this week due to work. I setup two nights out in the next month for my wife and I.

I know I should “go out” by myself sometime. But, I feel guilty. I’m recognizing this and working through it. The other problem is there isn’t much to do around me in the evenings other than go to a bar which I’m not looking to start for multiple reasons.

I’ve scrubbed the shared calendar. Instead, I sat down and gave her a list of dates of things going on in the next two months. I have an opportunity to travel for 4 days to a metro area for a conference. I invited her to accompany me at least three different times and she refused.

I’ve realized after scrubbing the calendar that my wife didn’t use it to plan. She would only look at it that day or that hour to “see where I’m at and what I’m doing”. This tells me two things. One, I have to do a better job of communicating logistics. And two, my relationship can benefit from some more mystery.

Grooming/Style - 5/10

All work this week. I’m starting to look homeless. The few casual clothes I have are starting to get tight.

CarelessBowler5 · 2019-11-27T03:29:56+00:00

[deleted]

Rifleshoot · 2019-11-20T18:42:46+00:00

OYS #18: 11/20/2019

Background/Stats: 25, 6’3”, 248 pounds, married a year and a half now. Bench 235(4 rep max), DL 195, squat 135, leg press 270

Physical: Diet still going well. Down another pound this week, so I'm on track to hit my goal of 240 by New Years. Bench has stagnated somewhat, but when I benched last, I hadn't eaten in around 36 hours, so I'm sure that had everything to do with it. I've started on Deadlift and squats again, so those numbers should start trending upwards. Right now, I'm going to stay in the 8-10 rep range to develop form and muscle memory. Still heavy weight, but not enough to hurt my form. I'll definitely be upping the weight next week, though. Squats still mess with my back a lot, but I think its mostly because I have very weak muscles back there that need developing. I'm going to keep my squats low and use them to work on my back/glute muscles that keep struggling so much and do leg press afterward to really focus down my quads. I've been in a bit of a slump the last month or so where the only real progress was being made on the bench, so its good to be out of it and back to making progress.

Mental/Professional: Had midterm reviews with the boss this last week and it was helpful to discuss how I want my career to go. We discussed goals for the future and how I would get there. My plan is to get my FE in January/February, then get the PE in June, and graduate from the leadership program in August. I then plan on applying to the "next level" leadership program that involves you with more national leaders in the organization. I'm still on the fence about grad school right now. I still need to talk to the guy that's in the program right now to get his input.

Home Life: The dog literally chewed through chicken wire -_-. Onto figuring out another method, I guess! Part of the problem is likely that the dog is a husky, and he doesn't get enough exercise playing with the other dog, so he wants to get out of the backyard and roam around. I'm still going to work to get the backyard secured, but I need to take this dog outside and on more walks than I do. It will help him to get that energy out. Maybe I should start waking up early and going on walks with him. It certainly couldn't hurt my weight loss.

Spiritual: Missed church this past weekend since the Sunday school wasn't going to meet. Still periodically reading the Bible before bed. I need to be better about this and work on reading more often.

Marriage: I guess I don't learn lessons very easily. I basically did the exact same thing this week as the last. I let myself get angry at a rejection. I don't start yelling or anything, I just go off to be by myself and let the steam go. She tends to notice and asks me what's wrong. I give her short, honest replies that I don't like being rejected. She wants to talk about it, but I don't want to at all. She gets upset because I'm "giving her the silent treatment" and goes to bed. I'm not actually trying to be quiet to "get back at her" or anything, I simply don't have anything constructive or useful to say. I don't want to say anything that I don't mean in the moment that I can't take back, and so I hold my tongue. I feel like its better to not speak when I'm angry and wait until the anger has passed and I can think more rationally. But, she interprets it as me being spiteful towards her. Things always seem to be going really well with us right up until I bring up sex. And I know its because of whatever medical issue causes her all of the pain, but its getting old and my patience with this is getting thin. I know a lot of RP people are instantly going to jump on that and direct me to the "Christian Brad Pitt" post, but I'm becoming fairly certain that that pain would still be there in that case. She's always had painful periods, to the point that she was hospitalized several times as a teenager. She's always had issues down there, to the point that her OBYGN was surprised at how much pain she was in just from her examinations. My wife never hid any of this from me when we were dating (yes we did have premarital sex), so I have no excuse to say anything except this is the burden that I agreed to, so I don't have room to complain. I still really hope that the problem is that she just isn't attracted to me, because that is something fixable that I can take care of myself. If its a medical issue, then this may just be how our married life is going to be: her perpetually dreading sex with me and me perpetually frustrated over the lack of sex. I don't know how a marriage like that will be sustainable.

Social: Going to see the in-laws this weekend and do a Thanksgiving/Christmas get together. An old friend from high school is coming to town next week, so we'll try and grab dinner at some point. Met up with an old buddy this past week for an hour or so.

chaddiusdriller · 2019-11-20T15:40:27+00:00

Thank you for this

Title	OYS - Where Progress is Made (11/20/19)
Author	AutoModerator
Upvotes	3
Comments	61
Date	November 20, 2019 3:08 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/dz3apu/oys_where_progress_is_made_112019/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/oys-where-progress-is-made-112019.301045 https://theredarchive.com/post/301045

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