Attachment Style Test!!!

Littleknownfacts · 2017-01-12T11:48:42+00:00

Relaxed-Engaging (Secure)

47.2% Relaxed, 2.8% Engaging

I think being RPW skewed those results a bit, in the positive way! On the questions that said "Do you trust your partner..." I could without hesitation, push two thumbs up. A few years ago I could imagine being deep into avoidant.

BellaScarletta · 2017-01-12T04:46:59+00:00

Relaxed-Engaging (Secure): Relaxed-Engaging individuals tend to have good self-esteem and typically find it easy to share their feelings and opinions with others. They spend less time fretting and second-guessing themselves than individuals in the other three quadrants, and they generally find it easy to ask others for help or support when in need. They are usually straightforward and trusting in their relations with others, and their usual state is one of being open, approachable, and relaxed. For this reason, they typically have fewer interpersonal defenses than others. They naturally seek to connect with others while remaining realistic about the transformative power of intimate relationships: Relaxed-Engaging individuals don't expect to be swept off their feet, or to have their entire world turned upside-down by the arrival of some romantic savior or the like - they're already "comfortable in their own skin," so to speak. Instead, they seek to cultivate simple virtues, such as mutual trust and a sense of shared intimacy with others. They generally don't play games, but seek to establish uncomplicated and mutually beneficial relationships.

This assessment resonates with me. I italicized the sections that I particularly relate to.

whistling_dixie · 2017-01-12T14:44:07+00:00

Your attachment style is:

5.6% On Edge, 33.3% Avoidant

On Edge-Avoidant (Mistrusting): Individuals in this quadrant share the Dismissive type's misgivings about others, but have not developed the armor of coolness and self-sufficiency that allows Dismissive types to live without attachment and bonding. Consequently, Mistrustful types recognize in themselves a need for intimacy and close relations with others, but as soon as they start to get close to others, they also find that they have mixed feelings about the whole ordeal and start fantasizing about breaking it off because they "want their space again." In short, they are neither at ease in solitude nor when close to others. Because of their simultaneous need for and mistrust of intimacy, Mistrusting types have had to spend their lives learning how to skillfully handle other people; continually maneuvering so as to keep others close and available, yet at the same time out of control and powerless to harm the Mistrusting type. Individuals of this type are often high-achieving and competent adults, but on the inside, they tend to suffer from periodic bouts of low self-esteem and be plagued by a sense of hollowness at their core. Mistrusting individuals are frequently very good at finding legitimate fault with others and sniffing out their weaknesses as a way of protecting themselves against being disappointed by others, but on the downside, this hypervigilance also tends to lead to skepticism and overly paranoid tendencies.

Camille11325 · 2017-01-12T05:50:48+00:00

I got Ambivalent (On Edge + Engaging) and from what I'm reading it's very accurate. Depending on the setting I take on the Helpmate or Playmate role, usually the Playmate, which lines up with the description of my type. Very cool quiz, looking forward to learning more about the theory!

Goingdowntheroad · 2017-01-12T14:06:14+00:00

I got "dismissive" and the description fits well! I have a small circle of people who I totally trust and feel completely open with...and besides them, I don't open up easily to other people, I tend to feel very private about my life.

This has been an issue for me at times, because I really enjoy having casual friends who I can just have fun with, chat with, do activities, without having to be super intimate and talk about all the details of my private life. But lots of women find that cold, I know, and think I am unfriendly when really I am just kind of private. It has gotten a lot easier for me now that I have a husband and kids, partly because I feel really rooted and stable, and partly because it is easier now to share a little of my life with my acquaintances, if that makes sense.

Sunhappy_DC · 2017-01-12T14:15:02+00:00

blargh. fairly accurate though!

22.2% On Edge, 33.3% Avoidant

On Edge-Avoidant (Mistrusting): Individuals in this quadrant share the Dismissive type's misgivings about others, but have not developed the armor of coolness and self-sufficiency that allows Dismissive types to live without attachment and bonding. Consequently, Mistrustful types recognize in themselves a need for intimacy and close relations with others, but as soon as they start to get close to others, they also find that they have mixed feelings about the whole ordeal and start fantasizing about breaking it off because they "want their space again." In short, they are neither at ease in solitude nor when close to others. Because of their simultaneous need for and mistrust of intimacy, Mistrusting types have had to spend their lives learning how to skillfully handle other people; continually maneuvering so as to keep others close and available, yet at the same time out of control and powerless to harm the Mistrusting type.

(Where they really hit the mark)

Individuals of this type are often high-achieving and competent adults, but on the inside, they tend to suffer from periodic bouts of low self-esteem and be plagued by a sense of hollowness at their core. Mistrusting individuals are frequently very good at finding legitimate fault with others and sniffing out their weaknesses as a way of protecting themselves against being disappointed by others, but on the downside, this hypervigilance also tends to lead to skepticism and overly paranoid tendencies.

violetpiecrisis · 2017-01-12T04:43:03+00:00

An interesting test for some guided introspection, I think.

littleeggwyf · 2017-01-12T09:58:55+00:00

I got 11.1% Relaxed, 2.8% Avoidant (Dismissive)

I was kind of surprised, I expected to fall into the on-edge side. But the description does make sense I think. It's not easy for me to kick bad habits, and I do enjoy time in my own head. It's just that I reserve the intimacy and openness for quite a small group of people and outside of that it's harder to open up.

HappyLollie · 2017-01-12T20:30:37+00:00

This is such a good quiz, my result was I'm relaxed-engaging/secure (16.7% Relaxed, 2.8% Engaging)

I think this encompasses what I've always known, I'm quite laid back in terms of what I expect from my SO some women think if a man isn't showering you in gifts or making grand gestures of his undying love like in those cheesy romantic films than he can't possibly love you whereas I have more realistic expectations of what a relationship looks like and as long as I feel loved and we have the same long term goals I'm a happy girl.

Katiescarlett5 · 2017-01-12T21:14:59+00:00

Another Relaxed-Engaging checking in!

chairman_mau5 · 2017-01-13T02:03:06+00:00

Relaxed-engaging here! Definitely going to be reflecting on this in the next couple of days. :)

tplg · 2017-01-13T12:30:34+00:00

Relaxed-Engaging (secure)

61.1% Relaxed, 22.2% Engaging

PhantomDream09 · 2017-01-13T15:09:33+00:00

Relaxed (52.8%) and Engaging (2.8%). I think it makes sense that my Engaging score is almost right on the border between Engaging and Avoidant, because the Avoidant description definitely applies to me as well (particularly my introverted tendencies. As some other user's have mentioned, I think it's really unfortunate that many of the questions lump "friends and spouse/SO" together...there's also no distinction between professional connections, close friends, family, acquaintances, and spouse - which I think would really add a lot of nuance.

The engaged description makes me sound a lot more social and outgoing than I tend to be (except in certain circumstances). I'm very engaged with the people close to me and Occam, but I can also be fairly aloof (pleasant, but distant) in a lot of situations. It really just depends on what's happening, and what my role is.

onacasserole · 2017-01-14T19:58:08+00:00

I got 55.6% relaxed, "completely in the middle between Engaging and Avoidant". I think that makes sense because I have a great relationship with my husband that's super super open, and I have maybe 3 close friends, but beyond that I'm quite guarded and private.

Most people I am friendly with believe they know a lot more about me than they do. In reality I know way more about all of my friends than they know about me. I think I'm smack in the middle because I'm very comfortable socially, and I enjoy socializing/liked dating, I'm outgoing, used to work in sales, etc. I'm not suspicious of people, but I just don't see the need for super close relationships with most people. I believe most people prefer to talk about themselves than listen, and I'm ok with indulging that.

I'm content with one super close personal relationship (husband) and then just general "shopping" or "working out" friends who don't know all that much about me. Even with my 3 really close friends, I find they come to me for advice a lot, but I don't go to them for advice. It's just not something I need in a friendship, and I don't like to open up about the nitty gritty of my life/past even to them. Experience has taught me that it's not usually fruitful to do so and that emotional/life advice from others isn't typically beneficial.

Title	Attachment Style Test!!!
Author	Sunhappy_DC
Upvotes	12
Comments	26
Date	January 12, 2017 4:17 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/5nh8lp/attachment_style_test/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/attachment-style-test.209231 https://theredarchive.com/post/209231

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