Checklist: Needs vs. Wants

_wingnut_ · 2016-06-16T14:27:51+00:00

needs and wants list:

must be cute
must like me
must like guns and have right wing politics

CoochQuarantine · 2016-06-16T13:29:53+00:00

My list:

Needs:

Stable Family/Friend Life
Does not want kids or does not want more kids if he has them
Hard working
Wants to get married at some point
Sense of humor

edit: I changed one of my needs because it was more of a want. My new point of wants to get married was definitely a need tho.

Sunhappy_DC · 2016-06-16T13:55:11+00:00

NEEDS:

Tangible masculinity
Earns wages during his working years
Straight, cis-gendered
Not a virgin at LIFE
Currently not engaging in dangerous or criminal behaviors

WANTS:

Can lay down the pipe
Doesn't mind that I'm a weird introverted first-gen who spends 50% of her free time in IRC chat rooms
Not an idiot
Pro-America in his politics
Culturally literate

PhantomDream09 · 2016-06-16T14:03:16+00:00

You (and other users) may find the vetting thread useful while coming up with these lists.

Next, you must distinguish between wants and needs. Needs are the essentials, the things that you must take into consideration and cannot compromise on. Some characteristics to consider when assessing what you need in a man: (age, socioeconomic status, ethnicity and culture, religion, marriage, dominance level, children, education, political/ideological affiliation(s), desired living location, employment status/type of job, and appearance all addressed)

These are just general things to keep in mind, and it is vital that every woman personally identifies the basic things that will lead to harmony within the relationship. Once you've identified your criteria, only see men if they meet these basic standards.

Wants are optional; they are pleasant add-ons. You can live without them, but they’re really nice to have. A lot of women can get carried away with this category, especially if they are unrealistic about their personal dating worth.

Aiming too high can lead you to high value men, but they will not be interested in anything long term or exclusive. It is true that some men are not open to a relationship (or marriage) until a woman comes along that truly changes his perspective about things. Understand that chasing those men includes an increased level of risk.

Another category missing from this post: deal-breakers. These are the red flags/traits/habits that, regardless of when they appear (first date, or 10 years down the road) - you walk. In some cases, the security/structure of marriage can provide the stability/mutual investment to allow spouses to work through deal-breakers. That said, if you are simply dating a man (even if you live together) - don't make excuses and put up with deal-breakers. You shouldn't be fulfilling the role of wife (especially in terms of loyalty, trust, investment) for a man that doesn't think you are worth claiming completely and legally. There are exceptions, as well as some 'wiggle room' but it's really better to exercise caution and understand that LTRs should not be treated with the same weight/consideration/importance as an actual marriage.

When it comes to dealbreakers and red flags, keep in mind that everyone is flawed. Don’t next a guy for being human! In addition, avoid trying to find a carbon copy of yourself. If you love to read and he loves sports, that doesn’t mean you two are a bad match.

TempestTcup · 2016-06-16T16:19:00+00:00

Needs:

Adores me
Is a man not a mouse
Is super hot :)

MsSadieDunham · 2016-06-16T13:41:08+00:00

Needs: Christian, sense of humor, wants kids, hard working Wants: funny, strong family ties, common interests

whistling_dixie · 2016-06-16T18:08:05+00:00

Needs (fiance has all of these):
- Must be attractive in my eyes.
- Must have a career - not just a job, but a career.
- Must take no shit, including mine. Men can be doormats too, and I have no desire for one.

Wants:
- Taller than me (my fiance is the same height as me, but I'm 5'10" so it's a tall order - GET IT?)
- Same political ideals (we mostly agree on this, but he doesn't take politics as seriously as I do)
- Well read, intelligent, able to hold conversation about history, politics, current events, and technological innovations (fiance absolutely meets this)
- Doesn't have to LOVE going to church, but is okay with it (he's okay with it, as long as it's not too early)
- Is absolutely happy not living in the city (he's happy in the woods just like me)

On top of all that, he has an absolutely fantastic family, wicked sense of humor, and is introverted like me.

StephanieCitrus · 2016-07-05T14:08:11+00:00

Since I am so late to the party I won't offer needs/wants but I thought I would take the time to think out some deal breakers. I do not think my Hubby would ever do these but if so... I'm out.

Violence against me (obviously swatting/spanking is okay but I have a limit)
Unlawful use of drugs or any smoking/addiction to gambling
Dead bedroom for any reason other than medical
Treason against our country

I think that's it...

LifterofThings · 2016-06-16T13:35:14+00:00

Needs: Integrity, dignity, ambition, sense of humor

Wants: Common interests, curiosity, family-oriented

My bf has all of these and is a total babe too. I basically won the man lottery.

eatplaycrush · 2016-06-16T19:13:17+00:00

Needs:
Severe masculinity.
Very sure of himself.
Aggressive personality, not afraid of hustle.
Financially savvy and smarter than me.
Does not play by the "rules" of life.
Can mentally challenge and stimulate me without being afraid of crossing any line.

Wants:
Likes to lift with me and be active together.
Is super into eating good food. Someone who doesn't NEED children or marriage, but may want them.
Someone who gets I am a severe entj and sometimes I am so ruthless with my thoughts.
Someone who can be okay with how secure I am.

Dealbreakers: Really anything tied to talking to exes, talking to other women behind my back (unless it's obviously for self bettement like work, etc), being lazy, offended by attention I receive, being fat, does not like dogs.

persimmnon · 2016-06-16T10:57:17+00:00

My List

Need
Age - my age and older
Physical

5'6" or taller
not overweight
Personality/Other
polite, considerate
his words/commitments have value
punctuality
financially responsible
can identify and admit his flaws and mistakes and works to improve
disagrees and argues rationally and calmly
no discrimination (e.g. racism)
not very religious
prioritises eating healthy (over eating convenient)
equal or slightly higher intelligence
nonviolent
no drugs, no smoking
impartial to pets
Future
earnings, upper middle class or more
wants marriage in the not so distant future
wants kids (2-3) (but when ??)

WANT
Physical

5'8" or taller
brunette
slight muscle
Life/Other
am I really going to mind someone having a bit more money? :P
good photographing skills
basic computer/technology help
likes to cook
wants a dog

ON THE FENCE

vasectomy (medical/non-medical reason)
artistic career (I wonder how it would affect life stability)

KlaiFrai · 2016-06-16T16:19:55+00:00

I started dating my husband mid-highschool, and prior to that I didn't have a list, just a "boys are stupid, I don't want one" sentiment. <redacted>

Need:

-Not a self-centered asshole who just wants to satisfy himself and give nothing in return.

-The awesome conversations continue, and he's still himself, and it's like we're still the same friends but with boyfriend stuff attached

Want:

-An appearance overhaul <redacted>.

-Dates and stuff like we're "supposed to do" now that we're dating.

Deal Breakers:

-Cheating

-Smoking

-Illegal stuff

-Violence

-Ultimatums

He passed the Needs list with flying colors, and was actually eager to change his appearance, but had no idea where to start because his Dad bought all his clothes, so I took him shopping. <redacted>. We tried the dating thing diligently for a year, then figured out that we both preferred spending time together at home. He never hit a deal breaker, and, as a bonus, his growth spurt brought him up to a 5'10", broad-shouldered, square-jawed, bearded nerd who loves lifting. We also happened to be on the same page with regards to marriage, children, everything that mattered.

am3liia · 2016-06-17T03:07:23+00:00

Needs (he fits all of these):

-wants to get married and have kids

-masculine and physically attractive to me

-sexually compatible with me

-is liked by my family

I had a lot of wants, and my fiance fits them too. Some of these are enjoying travel, being taller than me, owning guns, not being religious, being fiscally responsible enough to not be homeless, and high intelligence.

Title	Checklist: Needs vs. Wants
Author	persimmnon
Upvotes	8
Comments	37
Date	June 16, 2016 10:55 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4ocqv2/checklist_needs_vs_wants/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/checklist-needs-vs-wants.209901 https://theredarchive.com/post/209901

Comments