Random RP Thoughts

PhantomDream09 · 2016-08-30T19:49:14+00:00

Warning: this is a lot of rambling....

Lack of bad experiences (dating mishaps/relationships etc) is not the same as "lack of knowledge" or insight. There's often this idea...it's not generally expressed in an overt way...just a general assumption that "if a person has been through the ringer [had lots of bad dating experiences etc] then they have insights and perceptions that are going to be valuable and useful." At the same time, someone that has only ever really had positive, trouble-free, relationships can be viewed as 'lacking' knowledge or experience in some ways.

I do think that people that have struggled with a particular issue can more directly relate and provide advice if someone else is struggling with the same issue. I disagree with the idea that avoiding negative situations all together somehow means that person doesn't 'have' valid things to contribute.

Someone that has made every mistake in the book can certainly share their experiences...it just seems a little backwards to me. I can find value and appreciate learning about how to rebuild things after declaring bankruptcy, but I would much prefer to hear from people that successfully avoided ever being in danger of having to declare bankruptcy in the first place.

I'm reminded of self help books or advice columnists that don't have the thing they are trying to sell to other people. "I've been divorced, and have decades of dating experience - I'll help you bag a man in no time! [Even though I can't get one for myself...]"

Or the person that has had a mile stretch of failed relationships, can't establish a happy one for herself - but is always ready, willing, and volunteering her expertise as some kind of love guru.

I appreciate the person the considers and plans, the one that has the perception and the foresight to avoid issues before they manifest fully. I don't pretend that it's possible to foresee every issue (that would be a neat trick though, wouldn't it?), but I do think it's possible to develop a heightened sense of awareness and expand your ability to perceive potential issues once you start paying more attention to the details (and then connecting those details to broader themes/patterns).

I also don't think that someone that has never had a happy relationship can really act as a guide or speak as an authority about what does go into a stable relationship. They can most certainly talk about what did not work for them, but they can never say "doing this will give you the results you're looking for."

"The proof is in the pudding" might be the idea I'm driving after.

I guess it's sometimes easier to listen to someone that's made a lot of mistakes, they seem vulnerable, they have overcome, or improved (or are trying to). I also think there's something really special about the people that worked hard, made mistakes (but never ones that put them in danger of hitting rock bottom), and they just steadily continue their journey.

This doesn't apply exclusively to dating, I see certain patterns of studiousness and consistency across all different fields and spheres. I think one key aspect may be the difference between "reacting to a problem" vs "proactively limiting the likelihood of a problem ever forming."

The sex thread that /u/bellascarletta posted, and some other conversations I'd had recently have me mulling over these ideas.

Maybe it's easier to see a person with a bloodied lip and black eyes as a boxer because the injuries seem like 'obvious tells,' while the guy to their right with the straight teeth and not a scratch to be seen might be harder to accept as a fighter. Even though the former only has injuries because he got hit, while the latter has none because he's more skilled and was able to easily defeat his opponent.

Littleknownfacts · 2016-08-30T21:06:00+00:00

I've been trying to put together a thread about how RPW only works if you have a good man. But every way I can think to word it sounds like an appeal to BP (maybe cause I've been spending too much time on PPD). I remember a thread from old rpw about how RP isn't a glue that will hold together a bad relationship. So somewhere between that and how BPs always ask "well why can't he BLANK?!". If your happiness isn't depending on getting your own way at every (or this specific) decision, like, if your generally happy in your relationship, it's easy to let it go.

Edit: BTW I love this idea for a thread. I keep refreshing it to see what little blurbs people come up with.

Kittenkajira · 2016-08-30T18:59:36+00:00

Ever since this post, I've noticed just how much women interrupt each other.

Camille11325 · 2016-08-30T20:15:14+00:00

My random RP thought this week is about nonverbal communication and gender differences.

Women are constantly using gestures, facial expressions, tones, etc. to indicate the state of our relationship with whoever we are engaging with. Even if we aren't aware of it, we give off subtle signals to reassure others that everything is fine, and we also constantly look for these signals in return. Men on the other hand don't engage in this behaviour at the same rate, their non verbal communication speed is lower (both in sending and searching for signs). I think that this difference contributes to a lot of hamstering and "irrational" responses in women. And I also think it can lead to shit tests and comfort tests.

Basically because we are conditioned to constant, quick, and subtle forms of non verbal communication with other women, we apply the same mindset to our interactions with our men. But they aren't giving these signals as often as we expect, and in that absence our mind either freaks out or it interprets the lack of signals as a signal. This is just expanding on some well known concepts but I like thinking about it from the angle of a heightened sensitivity to nonverbal communication, and an instinctive reaction to something abnormal (by female standards). It's much better than the normal "women are crazy" stereotypes. There are some plausible explanations for why we can overreact or misinterpret our man's behaviour!

BellaScarletta · 2016-08-30T19:21:12+00:00

This is half-formed as all hell, and there really is no point of conclusion or even a real question either, so bear with me or skip (:

I've been noticing the "equalizer factor" (not sure what else to call it) more in relationship dynamics, and how men/women will rise or fall in terms of alpha/beta traits to "equalize" with (or more ideally, complement) one another. I hope that makes sense.

Now this isn't at all a novel concept, as we constantly preach that practicing submissiveness will bring out a man's leadership, and the converse is also true in our ability to stomp it out (depending on the man and how much he puts up with before leaving anyway). So this isn't new theory by any stretch. I guess it's the observational aspect of it and its personal applications that is catching my interest.

It's just been something I'm noticing more both in my own relationship and in others, and I think a lot of newer observations I'm having stem from this relationship being my first RP from its infancy, so many more principles I can see taking root and their development, and then from there I'm now "looking for them" in other interactions outside of my own.

As far as why I've been personally marinating on this, one of the things that first attracted me to R was his high levels of dominance (I would rank him ~DL6-7) and ease in leadership roles (I'm high dominance with a high dominance threshold naturally). But immediately after we started dating (I'm talking first few days) his whole vibe sort of shifted and really through me for a loop. For lack of a better way to phrase it, I felt very babied. I absolutely hated it and it just wasn't him. Finally I said something, I mean I didn't want to hurt his feelings, and just noted that I had observed a shift in his behaviour and that he shouldn't feel like he had to treat me differently and that I liked him for him. He instantly noted the last time he was in a relationship was his teen years and he could see himself unintentionally mimicking that same behaviour, a form of muscle memory I suppose. The moment I pointed it out, it was gone and he acts like himself all the time, which I love.

On the flipside. His high dominance levels almost force mine down (which I also love) - I'm wondering how possible it may be to switch from an HHH dynamic to an HLH one? I feel like the combination of RPW, time, and my SO have cumulatively contributed to a bit of a shift in this regard. I don't at all feel so dominant/similar as I used to, even outside of my relationship dynamic. Interested in thoughts on this, though I know it's a bit formless and completely inconclusive.

CoochQuarantine · 2016-08-30T23:20:45+00:00

I've got a few posts that I'm fleshing out but here are just some ideas I've got going on in my head right now.

The idea of vulnerability is what I believe fosters the most intimacy within a relationship. I know that for women that means submitting and allowing her SO to take more control. But how does that manifest for men?
What are some examples of captains that you absolutely need to avoid? Abusers, users, and cheaters are what instantly comes up for me but are there other types? Does your threshold come into play?
After my crabs in a bucket post, some people brought up some really good arguments about it. Like checking your motives for sharing information with someon? Are you just seeking validation or are you just showing off? Also when someone is showing concern, how do you decipher whether it is genuine, comes from a place of jealousy, comes from a place of heightened awareness of a topic, comes from a place of lack of awareness from a topic, or (the worst one IMO) comes from a place of condescension?

These are things I've been thinking about and am having trouble fleshing out. I've got others that I'm ready to post but I don't wanna spam y'all hahahahha :D

thisisophelia · 2016-08-30T21:03:12+00:00

My random thought this week was how the RP theory also manifests in people who have (as far as I know of course) never had any touching points with RP.

My story goes like this: I have a very close female friend. She is not a best friend, but we're quite close and we go out eating for lunch a lot of times. So yesterday we went to lunch again. She is married to what seems to me like an Omega male and she is head over heels for him. Others already told her that he treats her badly because he seems so focused on this own life. He is currently doing his PhD in biomechanics.

I met her in my former job, back then she was a real career women. They were already married, but she was so focused on her career and told me that it is the most important thing in her life. She was a real feminist talking about equality and how women need to step up and take their careers seriously.

Now yesterday we talked about future plans and she told me that the best future she could image would be for her to be some kind of secretary for her husband part time and taking care of their future children and home in her free time.

MY JAW DROPPED. This former career woman who really burned for her job suddenly wants to be "nothing more" but part of her husband's life. And it even got further. She then told me how absurd she finds it that women think that their grandmas in the 50ies were oppressed because they were only house wives. Best thing she could imagine for herself. I don't think she knows of RP because she is really not an internet person. But she really confirmed all those RP truths. She found a man for whom she will willingly submit. Crazy :D

Like really TL;DR: You're a feminist until you find the right man.

tintedlipbalm · 2016-08-30T23:52:28+00:00

Not that random but some recent thoughts on the whole evolution and reproduction subject.

It's been discussed to death (r/K, high vs low FTO) and framed in many ways but the way this essay titled it made me giggle. It's ironic that those 'ignorant' folk atheists feel superior to are actually the 'fit' reproductive model.

And of course I'm not above it, of course, as a secular millennial who had to actively 'decide' that I want children after all (never mind that it isn't something that will happen soon, just some decision I made in my head after an ideological vs navel-gazing inner struggle), which is even more ridiculous to me.

Then this KenM joke rang true to the matter (for those who don't know that's an internet troll posing as an old man). I know that our brains 'getting too smart and taking over our bodies' is supposed to be a nonsensical phrase, because the brain controls the body, but I couldn't help but link it to the thought of how this whole trend is developing. It used to be fewer offspring, now I see it happening with no children at all, and more and more progressive women citing some morality over the decision that will mean the end of their line.

I don't mean this whole thing to become moralistic either, I'm not personally condemning the individual people who decide not to reproduce, but I do think the whole pattern behind it is tainted (and with a lot of variables that come into it). I consider that for conservative cultures it's part of the 'duty' aspect, and the less tribal a society becomes the less incentive there is to create a family.

katsumii · 2016-08-31T12:38:27+00:00

I was listening to a song on the radio this morning on my way to work – "Feels Like the First Time" by Foreigner – and whether or not the entire song is RP (I don't think it entirely is, since it sounds sort of oneitis), I thought bits of it were. Especially this line pops out to me: "it's just the woman in you that brings out the man in me."

A few days ago, I listened to another song where the line stood out to me, "Her face on the bridge made a man of me."

That sort of message I like to strive for in my relationship – you know, not bring him down, but build him up and "make a man" of him. (And not in the Mulan "I'll make a man out of you" butch female sense). :)

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2016-08-30T21:26:07+00:00

Women who were brought up in rich families need to work more for their worth and eat the biggest slice of humble pie they can fit into their pretty little mouths. Especially women who were daddy's little girl, who were materialistically spoiled and allowed to study liberal arts degrees. The ironic aspect is that these entitled women are usually beautiful because they had the money to buy nice clothes, get braces, have expensive haircuts, buy luxury makeup, etc.

I'm a musician, so I know there are a LOT of women who study music and then hope to marry a rich husband. (If anybody is curious, I was raised middle class by my father but was adamant about earning my worth, I now work abroad at a job that gives me a salary and benefits)

Two cases:

There was this girl I knew in university. She was half Asian, incredibly beautiful, father was a rich dentist in Hawaii. Always posting bikini pictures on Facebook and a talented violinist. She's 28 or 29, last I heard she's still living on daddy's money, partying, looking beautiful but single. Hasn't found how to make herself useful besides looking beautiful.

Another girl I was friends with is a beautiful cellist. Is 28, comes from a posh Southern family, now lives in Chicago with her own small nonprofit organization. She works but wants to live in a luxury apartment downtown that her father pays for. Has been dating but hasn't been able to secure a LTR because of career and wanting to find a breadwinner that will give her what she wants.

Case in point, women who come from rich families need to understand that they most likely won't have the luxurious lifestyle they grew up with and if they are to marry to become a dependent then they need to accept what they can get as well as earn their worth to be marriageable. This is a case of bad parenting too, allowing daughters to be so spoiled they think they deserve everything.

Title	Random RP Thoughts
Author	Camille11325
Upvotes	11
Comments	50
Date	August 30, 2016 6:34 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/50cnur/random_rp_thoughts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/random-rp-thoughts.209636 https://theredarchive.com/post/209636

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