Alright - get ready for a LONG STORY

I’m 42. I have always been a fan of the traditional/biblical woman/wife role but due to my father being not good at financially supporting a family in my childhood - I didn’t trust a man much to provide in that way so I always felt I needed to ensure that I was capable of that ability.

I am recently divorced, a bit over a year now. Married for 17 years. Soon after I filed for divorce a man I dated briefly at age 20 found me on Facebook. Long story short there - we have been dating for the since then. The marriage I had was quite the sham, he was a loser in most accounts but I was young, and dumb and did it anyways. We had two daughters - one who passed away from a complex medical condition at age 11 (she was born with it) and another who is now 13.

Let’s get back to the man I am dating now that I dated 20 years ago. He is a MGTOW guy - and before finding me again he had essentially decided not to date or look for a relationship. He wasn’t not open to one, but he felt the dating scene was atrocious and most women in our age group are difficult. He was married for about 8 years, no children and he filed for divorce due to her physical and verbal abuse.

This man has a theory that most women marry and have children with losers and felons. And he says I obviously fell into that. He says he loved me 20 years ago but I broke it off with him because he wanted a very serious relationship and I was young and dumb. But when he found me again through FB he perused me. He called, texted, etc. He was the first one to ask me (after a month) if I wanted to be Mrs.***** someday and I was floored but I said “well yeah if you’d like me to be”. However I was going through some difficulty in the divorce proceedings, and I had made some less than savory friends and I had a short bout of drinking to excess. However he kept with me.

I love this man. I am angry at myself for not choosing him 20 years ago. This man tells me I am a good woman, and that he loves me. Last September he said he wanted us to be married by April. My surviving daughter calls him Daddy and they have a fantastic relationship. My ex husband has completely disappeared. I get no child support but I knew I wouldn’t so I never really expected it and I knew he would just leave and we would never hear from him again.

This man I am with now constantly walks me through my past mistakes of the man I chose to marry. Of the choices I made in friends (whom I no longer am friends with because I saw quickly that they were bad news). Yet, he says he loves me. But I cannot get past the perpetual need to bring up my past. I have not re-met his parents, and he refuses to have anything to do with mine - however so do I because my Mom is a Borderline.

He was a good earner - however he refused the vaccine and lost his job of 15 years. He does have his own business besides that. So he is still a good earner but not in the capacity as before.

Anyways - my question is - is this man really for real? I feel like there is no way this will ever come to pass. He wants to try and have children but then talks about how the possibilities of having a child with issues at my age is very high. He will not sign a marriage contract. And I have agreed to such. His ex wife destroyed him in their divorce. I will take his name etc but the marriage will not be legal in terms of the government.

Ladies am I just dreaming here? He has said I have red flags based on choices I made in the past but I see red flags now with him. Why can’t I meet his parents? He says I can’t yet because they’ll judge me because I got divorced, and that they’ll tell him he is crazy for wanting to take on responsibility for my daughter whom he says he loves and has a fantastic relationship with.

He used to stay overnight at my house and then suddenly he stopped, blaming it on because he lost his job and we live around 50 miles from one another. However then he said the real reason was because he wanted to show my daughter the correct way a man and a woman should behave and they shouldn’t be sleeping together until marriage. He even sat her down and discussed it with her.

He still says to this day we are getting married soon and he plans to move into my house.

Here’s my concern - I do not want my daughter to get hurt. I am concerned there is something I don’t know. I have asked many times these questions and he says there is nothing. He says he is working on getting his parents to see the good parts of who I am.

Talk to me ladies. What are your thoughts?

Thanks for any advice!