Age gap experiences/pros and cons?

Automatic-Praline568 · 2022-07-01T22:57:09+00:00

My boyfriend is actually almost a year younger than I am and I still find myself being submissive to him and following his lead.

I truly believe that age doesn't matter. It's about the person. My boyfriend is naturally dominant and a leader. It's easy to submit to someone when you know they are fit to lead and trust their decision making.

When something is innate something as simple as age doesn't change that.

I'm open to hearing other opinions though because I have just one point of view.

yourbadformylungs · 2022-07-01T18:42:28+00:00

I think with age gap relationships theres always somewhat of a sweet spot. Too old and there might be some issues that they likely are not willing to resolve, or they are divorced. They may not be in a relationship at such an older age because of said issues and may also be seeking a younger person to put up with these issues.

To young someone might not know what they want yet and be to indecisive to really commit. Its about what works for each individual at the end of the day. I like to think of dating as a numbers game, sure, you might prefer an older mans stability, but the likelihood of finding an older man that doesn’t have a little more baggage in certain areas compared to a younger man closer to your age might take you a little longer to find.

I think large age gap relationships make sense, but its rare for a reason. Typically the guy is slightly older and the girl is slightly younger depending upon each others age, but thats definitely not always the case. Also women are more likely to seek security and financial stability in older men where as men seek fertility in younger women.

For instance, my bf is 31 I am 24. We met when I was 22 he was 29. I personally don’t really notice the 7 year age gap that much, we really seem to fit quite well together. With other older guys I’ve dated, they actually seemed a bit more immature in some ways than the ones I’ve dated closer to my age.

amadexodus · 2022-07-01T17:57:51+00:00

First, I'm going to echo u/ScratchyCatCakes's point: This question is going to get a range of answers because it is subjective. It really depends on the woman's preferences, as well as her dating history.

You're not wrong in that it feels more natural to defer to a man when he's 5 or more years older than you. I have dated two different men who were older than me. One was 32 when I was 21, and the other was 28 when I was 22. The one who was 32 was actually divorced and had two kids. Both of them were immature, not as traditional or conservative as me, and slowly put me off over time as I got to know them better. The divorcee actually was very good at choosing his words to sound as though he was offering me everything and cared about my needs, even though he was offering me nothing and really didn't care. I attribute this to the age difference.

My young age at the time is a factor too. To me, a grad student surrounded by college kids who didn't have much money, liked to party, and didn't have the superficial markers of "adulthood" (i.e. a place w/o roommates, a car, financial stability), these guys seemed more attractive. They proved to be stepping stones, as I still was learning to vet properly. As you can tell, I don't attribute the primary reasons for the failure of those relationships to the age difference.

Contrary to your perspective, my boyfriend of ~1 year is 4 years younger than me. I'm 26, and we're both in school. He's masculine, driven, competent, confident, shares my values....he's all the things that those older guys weren't. I almost wrote him off when I first met him, thinking that he probably was just like every other guy I'd seen in my town his age. But then I got to know him, and within 3 dates, I realized I was 1000% wrong, and we entered a serious relationship 3 weeks after we met. It's been easy to submit to him because he manages the masculine role well. I see him as a man; meanwhile, my 28yo ex-boyfriend is unquestionably a boy. The respect and obedience you've described feels easy for me too because I know his character and his values, so I trust him. Believe it or not, our relationship has helped me to grow up in some ways.

Sure, sometimes I know references that he doesn't, and it's going to take him a little longer to be personally and fiscally ready for a marriage and family. But I understand that he wants those things and that he loves me. And because he has understood from the beginning that becoming a wife is important to me, he's actually assuaged any doubts on my end before they've come up by being proactive. Namely, he told me that things would happen on a longer timeline than they would if he was 26, 28, or 30+, and it was important to him that I not feel anxious or afraid that he was just wasting my time (in the way I would if somebody older and financially stable/established was taking too long to be "ready").

Maybe I just caught a rare, masculine young guy who's serious about things, who comes from an excellent family, and who isn't afraid to talk about the future.

ComfortableCulture93 · 2022-07-01T18:52:43+00:00

often I get talked down to.

Please know that this is not an essential component of an age gap relationship. Your partner should not be talking down to you; there should be mutual respect.

My two longest relationship were age gap. I’m married to my husband who is 8 years older, and before my husband I was with a man for 5 years who was 12 years older than me. Neither man ever talked down to me. I would not have stood for it.

TheEstheticsDiva09 · 2022-07-01T21:35:31+00:00

My husband and I have a 4 year age gap. I’ve been in relationships with men older than my husband, and with men around my age (31). Honestly, I love the age gap I have with my husband. He was born in 87 and I was born in 91 so we relate a lot to being raised in the 90s, though I like to tease him sometimes that’s he’s “old” because he’s from the 80s. I like that he’s older enough to have wisdom and be rational, but he’s young enough to understand the time we live in and still have the energy to have fun and adapt to modern references (like “slang”, music, etc). I’m definitely enjoying my marriage with this age gap that I wouldn’t have it any other way.

angelicasinensis · 2022-07-01T21:17:36+00:00

My husband is 9 years older and I don’t ever notice

ScratchyCatCakes · 2022-07-01T16:57:54+00:00

When it boils down to the fundamental idea of marraige, I view it as a partnership. And it is a partnership between people who have the same level of value (I'm not saying people who are equals, because two people can not be equal...they can only have an equal worth, which is what I'm referring to). And age, as you said, is something that heavily influences respect. But I fear that the respect I have for someone because of their age might not, in a truer sense, be solely or even majorly because of them as a person alone. Additionally, a ten year gap is sure to make you feel like you are in different stages of life most times, especially in your youth. I, personally, would never feel on the same page as someone who's more than, say, around 4 years older than me. I believe that's the maximum age gap that accounts for the maturity differences between men and women during the younger ages. And for me, feeing like I can reach out to someone, not scared or obligated by the fact that they're much, much older (and due to the respect that comes along with it), is a very important factor in creating that feeing of partnership and not feeing like we have a parent-child or an elder-younger dynamic.

However, OP, please note that the question you asked warrants subjective answers, which mine is as well. If your situation is one you're happy and fulfilled with, please don't try to seek out the negatives of it...remember, the grass always seems greener on the other side.

riceweight · 2022-07-01T21:47:19+00:00

I’ve never dated over 5 years my age or under 1 year my age, but from my limited experience, different stages of life don’t correlate AT ALL to maturity or masculinity. For context, I’m currently 22 and in a relatively long term relationship with another 22 year old. Before him, I’ve dated guys who are financially independent and have their own apartments and are making 200k+ (software/quantitative analysis) who were 2-3 years older than me, but these were usually the type of guys who sucked at getting girls before they had money and didn’t know how to act like a man.

I’ve dated guys in PhD and masters programs. They were smarter than me in a very narrow field, but I was by far wiser, knew myself more, and saw my future more clearly than they did their own. I currently live with some 18 and 19 year old undergrads, and these males are more men and more accountable than some 26 year olds I’ve dated.

My bf is my age, but has an old soul that matches my own, youthful goofiness that breaks me out of my anxiety, confidence and COMPETENCE that allows me to submit to him, and I trust him very very much.

AdjectiveMcNoun · 2022-07-02T04:53:26+00:00

My man is actually 9 years younger than me. We don't notice at all. Everyone thinks he is older than me. He looks older than he is and I look quite a bit younger than I am. We didn't even realize for a couple months after we started dating because strangely age never came up. It was just like we got along so well I never even thought about it. His birthday came around so I asked how old he was turning and that's how we found out. We just kinda laughed and that was it.

I seriously haven't noticed any issues. He is much more mature than the guys I dated that were older than me. He tends to be more dominant because that's what we both like, but not in a bad or controlling way. I hate making decisions and he is good at it so I go with it.

Don't let age be a factor for you. Personality and how you get along is what really matters.

Kali_skates · 2022-07-02T10:49:29+00:00

My man is 7 years younger than me. Like you I didn’t think I would be submissive if there wasn’t a significant age gap with the man being older. I now know that it’s possible. My man is very dominant. It may help that he’s so big compared to me. Lol! 6’3 to my 5’1.5. He’s not controlling but he has a take charge attitude. He is a provider and very protective.

lolahaze11 · 2022-07-01T19:01:20+00:00

My SO and I are the same age gap and I have the same thoughts & feelings as you. I think it’d be kinda weird to be with my man if we were the same age lol. Our relationship dynamic would not be the same.

heythereitsemily · 2022-07-01T17:57:31+00:00

I’m 30 and my partner is 44. I’m submissive to him and he’s my Dominant. I find it easier and more natural to fit into this dynamic and to respect him. I don’t see him as a “boy” like I did the other guys I went on dates with. He’s mature and he’s wise on a lot of different subjects. He’s someone I can go to for advice and trust his answer. He’s also more established in his career, finances and social life. He knows who he is and isn’t trying to find his footing. He’s also direct in his communication and brought up wanting to commit early on. His generation is also more traditional and want to be protectors and providers so that fits easily. I’ve never had to ask for it from him. If it doesn’t work out with him (which I sure hope it does!!) I’ll only be with men that are at least 10 years older than me.

aussiedollface2 · 2022-07-01T23:43:39+00:00

I personally never liked large age gap relationships and I see them as a good plan b option for women who can’t get a high quality man in their own age bracket.

CountTheBees · 2022-07-01T23:50:35+00:00

As I get more familiar with my boyfriend, I've certainly let a lot of expectations go. For example, the expectation that my house will be clean when he visits, that's gone. The expectation that I will never get cranky at him, that's gone, I've gotten cranky at him. The expectation that I would always follow his advice - well I haven't, I do eventually though.

He is one generation older than me. For many reasons, though, we had similar mindsets. Recently he said something that made me realise why. He said, "getting <health issue> potentially fixed, it's like I've been on death row for 20 years and I'll be exonerated."

~20 years is the age difference between us. And that made me think a lot, about how we met, and the issues he was helping me with, and how at that point I guess, I was on death row too. We were both trying to break free.

To give you an idea, he's the sort of man who can talk to anyone about anything. He certainly doesn't act as if he is entitled to respect, he doesn't treat me as an inferior, when he has genuine advice for me he stops joking around, leans in and lowers his voice, as if he's telling me a secret that I have to safeguard. When we disagree he is earnest, not condescending, something I have yet to learn myself. He's more intelligent than I am but he doesn't show frustration if I'm unable to keep up with a conversation about magnetrons. These lines from Rudyard Kipling's If-- seem to be about him:

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

Much like him - I, too, hold no respect for age or authority. He did say to me, "Without age, I wouldn't have this wisdom." But it's the wisdom not the age that matters. Some people age and never wise up. If you can learn to spot wisdom you can spot it in 20 year olds.

Jumpy_Alfalfa_5112 · 2022-07-02T11:55:17+00:00

Women that date older men are actually very wise. Relationships are a lot better and last much longer if not forever when women are with a man of 10-15 yrs her senior. Unfortunately, most women are afraid to go there and just complain about the trash they find.

2022-07-02T15:26:38+00:00

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2022-07-03T04:39:19+00:00

Sometimes it's harder to find younger men with a high maturity level, my husband is 1.5 years older but has a lot of life experience so seems older than he is

RedditBabe21 · 2022-07-03T16:46:33+00:00

A lot of people say to be with someone within 10 years of your age. I think that's a good range, but the closer, the better. My ideal is a few years older or younger, but I am open to larger gaps within reason.

One pro of being with an older man is it's nice to feel younger, though that's not necessarily always going to happen. Sometimes older men like to act like you're about the same age because THEY don't want to admit they're a lot older.

They can often be wiser (though not always either), and introduce you to things you haven't heard of. I'm a curious person and love being around people who can teach me things, and no, not just in the bedroom.

The cons are they're more likely to be taken, more likely to have have already been married and/or had kids even if they're single, and are more likely to leave you a younger widow.

Younger man cons, they may not be ready to settle down. They can be more immature (though not always the case). They're less likely to introduce you to stuff you're not familiar with but wish you were. (I always enjoy music recs from older men more than younger ones.)

Younger men pros are you're less likely to be alone in your senior years. Women live longer than men, so this one is a huge pro for me. I'd personally have a difficult time being attracted to someone much younger, at least at my current age. But despite the fact women often prefer older, there are major pros to being with someone slightly younger. I believe studies have shown marrying someone much younger will actually age you more than the much older husband though. I have to look into that more, maybe it's like raising another kid.

One thing to keep in mind with age gaps, despite the fact in general the older you get, the less they matter in many ways, they can matter more when starting a family.

If you are 25 and your man is 35, you're both still young enough to start having children. If you're 35, and he's 45, think long and hard if you want to date, be engaged, marry and start having kids when he is approaching his 50s. You don't always feel an age gap when your older man is still a fairly young man, but when you want to have kids, and his senior years are approaching, when you're still vibrant and have a sex drive and he has no energy, when you have many years of life left and he may not be around for them, those years will come too.

Title	Age gap experiences/pros and cons?
Author	No_Sound_7499
Upvotes	17
Comments	29
Date	July 1, 2022 4:46 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/vp5943/age_gap_experiencespros_and_cons/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/age-gap-experiencespros-and-cons.1121823 https://theredarchive.com/post/1121823

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