"Commitment" in Western (US) Society

23dragonflies · 2018-04-30T19:39:16+00:00

I think commitment is less a choice and more of a state of mind you grow into. I live in Europe, which I guess you would consider "westernized", but generally people get married at an older age (>28) than the States. I think this culture is more conducive for maintaining long-term monogomous relationships because its more customary to spend your early 20s really developing yourself as an individual, so when you reach the marriage question, you've taken your time to figure the world out and indugled your curiosity enough so you don't want to look back. That way, commitment isn't associated with an opportunity cost as it is with terms like practicality. I'm really sorry to hear about what you've been through. I hope with time you'll be able to look back at your situation as a door opening for new, more fulfilling opportunity. Best of luck.

lespetiteschoses · 2018-04-30T22:19:14+00:00

Yes, marriage has always been a hard requirement for me and something I vetted for. If a man doesn't want to marry that's his business, but I wouldn't stay with him.

I grew up in a very loving, stable household and I believe that with the right person and enough work almost anything can be overcome. My husband and I spoke at length about this while we were dating and were on the same page about it. For us, divorce just isn't an option.

I think the modern west has fed us this narrative where marriage must be waking up starry eyed and madly in love every day of your life. We've been lucky so far, but I don't pretend that there won't be days decades from now where that feeling isn't there. Commitment is about persevering and and choosing to love and care for one another, even when it doesn't come easily.

I see those divorce statistics, and to be honest it doesn't bother me much. That's those people, not us. Every marriage is unique and I believe with the right mentality from both partners it can be saved.

I'm sorry to head about your marriage breakdown. I really hope you're able to move on and meet someone with the same views on commitment as you.

Aragorns-Wifey · 2018-04-30T22:23:55+00:00

For me it has to entail marriage. That’s what marriage is. A public, social, spiritual, legal, permanent commitment.

Of course death or perfidy can break it. I am sorry that happened to you.

But commitment equals marriage in my book. Everything else is pseudo. This sub seems to be ok with living together but personally I am not.

glitterchild · 2018-04-30T18:57:05+00:00

Yes. Commitment has to entail marriage for me. Because commitment is about trust. It’s about trusting the other person NOT to leave you and screw you over. If you can’t trust them you have no business being with them. That’s where vetting comes in.

Ok_Philosopher · 2018-05-01T07:39:39+00:00

Your questions about marriage/commitment are things I view akin to home ownership. Making the choice to get married is not all too different from buying a house. You look around, check out options, enter into a contract, and then spend that time under escrow looking under the roof of the home to make sure it's as solid inside as it is out.

It sounds like what happened to you was that you went ahead with the house, the pipes burst shortly after, and your home got severely flooded. Maybe it was partly your fault for not doing a thorough enough inspection, maybe you got terribly unlucky, and maybe the home was actually great but had this one (albeit debilitating) problem.

Fact is, every home is different. Sometimes you can do all the ground work in the world and still miss something obvious that will lead to major problems. Or, things will turn out just fine.

Like home ownership, I see marriage as one of those things that makes the most sense for long term stability and happiness. Sure, it's easy to rent... but more gratifying to have something of my own, to build and improve upon year by year.

pearlsandstilettos · 2018-05-02T11:22:00+00:00

OP: This has been an interesting discussion but your personal issues are coming through in every response. We are not a sub for men to get advice about women and marriage. You will be far better off, and become a better man, if you go over and have these discussions on MRP or TRP.

The women here cannot tell you what happened with your ex and we certainly can't advise you on how to move forward. Go talk to the men, they will help.

fairydust91 · 2018-05-01T01:40:27+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	"Commitment" in Western (US) Society
Author	throwawayabay
Upvotes	19
Comments	36
Date	April 30, 2018 6:45 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8g1thr/commitment_in_western_us_society/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/commitment-in-western-us-society.74661 https://theredarchive.com/post/74661

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