Conendrum

Kara__El · 2019-10-17T16:50:52+00:00

This sub loves to mention the risk of problems for a woman conceiving past 35, but no one ever mentions the increase in autism when a man is older. You should research this and be aware of all the possibilities.

[deleted] · 2019-10-17T15:51:56+00:00

If you marry him and have kids with him, make sure he has one hell of a life insurance policy and that you are mentally prepared to be a young widow and finish raising the kids on your own. The odds of him surviving until they reach college aged would not be good. I've met some highly successful people who lost parents at a young age but it does leave deep, lifelong scars. Know what you are signing yourself and your potential children up for and plan accordingly. Make sure you would also have health insurance to cover all of the necessary therapy visits after your husband's passing.

janeaustenfan99 · 2019-10-17T17:22:38+00:00

You are still quite young, with the potential to meet and fall in love with someone without these complications.

Vellore992 · 2019-10-17T23:29:11+00:00

How did he get to the age of 56 without having married or had any children? Is it something he never wanted? Why has his mind suddenly changed now? Did he perhaps want a family but was unable to find/maintain a relationship?

This would be a big red flag for me.

Anonymous_fiend · 2019-10-17T18:36:14+00:00

I converted to Judaism too (conservative working on orthodox). My fiancé’s family is all orthodox and I live in an orthodox community. I say this with many years of experience that there is 100% certainty that you will not be allowed to marry him under Orthodox supervision. As a convert you need proof that he’s not a Cohen before you can get married. Even conservative probably won’t. Reform might. The Orthodox Beit Din may not even allow you to convert under the circumstances right now. You’ll have to prove to them you’re serious and there’s a lot of changes you’ll have to make in those 2 years. It’s not easy bc it’s harder to go to heaven as a Jew than a righteous gentile. This is major red flags to most Rabbis.

As for the age gap this is a huge risk. A 10-15 year age gap is large but doable. This is a huge gamble. He’s old enough to almost be your grandfather. Are you going to be ok being a single mother and having your partner die in your 50s? If he truly loves you he’ll let you go instead of being selfish. This isn’t fair to the kids if you want kids. If you insist of staying make sure he has good life insurance or a huge savings otherwise you’re going to have to support yourself,

LethalShade · 2019-10-17T20:00:17+00:00

You've already had great comments on the logistical side of this so I'll comment on the religious side.

I'm always suspicious of people that hold their religious views to the detriment of their wellbeing. There is great and old wisdom in religious values but the dogma and strict regulations are perhaps outdated and don't have anything to do with the actual teachings.

Regardless of if you should have children with a 56-year-old man as a 24-year-old, he's letting writing in old text have detriments on his life and your own. Is that really a frame a quality man would operate in?

Just food for thought.

RubyWooToo · 2019-10-18T19:58:11+00:00

Him dying before you is actually the easy part. Once it happens, you deal with it.

The real question is, how many quality years will you have together? Would you be able to handle having young children who need your care and attention while at the same time having an elderly husband who can’t keep up with them and/or will eventually need care as much as the kids do?

My father is in his 60s and married to a much younger woman. Although he’s in great shape and does his best to maintain his health, the difference in their energy levels is considerable. He’s having a lot of joint and back problems that are starting to limit his ability to remain physically active. The fact that she wants children and he wants to enjoy his retirement is an ongoing point of contention.

Also, if your boyfriend wanted marriage and children, he would’ve prioritized those things as a young man. Why does he want them now? The fact that he would do it only to make you happy is a setup for future resentment.

Lastly, if you want to convert to Judaism, then that’s a process you need to undergo on your own with as little input from him as possible. It’s an intensive process and I think you need to have a clear head about before you start down that road.

Good luck!

Rest_in_grace · 2019-10-17T16:00:39+00:00

My boyfriend and I have an age gap as well me - 30 and he is 42. It’s a big worry of mine. He has full custody of a child from a previous marriage. I’m stuck between following my heart and having 1 with him within a year or just accepting that I’ll be a step parent soooo I feel your pain with this!! He has tons of energy we play basketball together and hike. I swear he can run circles around me. It’s something you really need to think about. I know a girl who’s father was like 67 when he had her. She turned out great! Very intelligent! He passed away when she was young and she misses him. Make sure you get a solid career where you can support them on your own.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2019-10-17T18:50:25+00:00

You will probably live around 30 years of your elder stages of life alone IG you marry him. If you’re ok with being a 50 year old widow, and having college aged children go fatherless, then go ahead.

I have a close friend whose parents are 17 years apart. She is 26 and her father is 74. He has dementia and severely declining physical health. They obviously love him, but the mother will have to live the next 25ish years of the ending stages of her life a widow.

ihearthandbags · 2019-10-18T17:39:38+00:00

A bit of tough love here, it would be quite selfish of you and your bf to have kids when he’s 60, for the variety of reasons that have already been mentioned. Also, is there a back up plan if you’re not allowed to marry? Will you just part ways? That’s quite a risk. don’t miss out on your twenties romanticizing what could be when it seems like the odds are stacked against you... best of luck with whatever you choose.

szsunshine · 2019-10-17T15:58:53+00:00

I have a large age gap (more than 10 years) with my H. Our last child was born when he was 50. I will say that my H has been a great dad to my kids - very loving and involved, so that is not the issue.

Now both of my kids are in high school, but my H has had some minor health scares (nothing serious thank goodness) that made me worry about the future when they happened (scares such as: he had shortness of breath once and I worried about a heart attack. He has had friends in his high school class that passed away from cancer). What would happen if you marry this man and he passes? Is there enough money to provide for your children to go to school / college? Being raised without a father is difficult, even if it is because of death (vs. divorce or abandonment). Is your boyfriend eager to be a father? Does he have the energy for a little one(s)?

Why do you need to be married by an orthodox rabbi? Why not reform?

cassandrarose39 · 2019-10-18T12:42:17+00:00

My first husband was 48 and I was 23.

I am concerned that your boyfriend has never been married? Mine had been divorced and had several live in relationships.

He also skipped out of our marriage and our two kids we had together, so there’s that.

Because of several issues that came up over my former marriage, I don’t suggest a huge age difference like this. I married what I would call a “retired alpha” and it brought nothing but heartache and he still couldn’t overcome his nature, which was to skip out of any long term commitment.

He just recently died leaving his kids, he never saw past toddler age, at ages 15 and 13. Be prepared to be a widow.

My kids with him don’t have autism but they did inherit his high IQ. I wouldn’t worry about that having kids with a man in advanced age. However, he didn’t have a lot energy or patience for child raising also.

I do hope you’re love story turns out better than mine.

Rest_in_grace · 2019-10-17T16:24:46+00:00

Thanks for the comment 💕

Title	Conendrum
Author	nelkycza
Upvotes	3
Comments	15
Date	October 17, 2019 3:35 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/dj82sh/conendrum/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/conendrum.291324 https://theredarchive.com/post/291324

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