Hi all,

I’ve occasionally lurked this subreddit over the past few years and have appreciated the blunt and helpful advice many of you give out. I was wondering if you could help me, too.

So, for context: I (28F) met a man (30M) on a dating app in late April when I back in my hometown, visiting my parents. I was set to fly back to my city in May, spend the month packing, and move back to my hometown permanently on June 1.

Over text we hit it off and began speaking primarily over the phone within two days. He’d call every night and we’d chat for hours. We didn’t have time to see each other before I left, so we spent the whole month of May getting to know each other via phone calls and FaceTime. It was during this time that we established that we weren’t going to be talking to or seeing other people. He initiated this.

When I returned in June, we met for the first time and it was… electric. Having already made an emotional connection, I felt so close to him already. The banter is off the charts. He is so attractive too and has so many qualities that I am looking for in a man.

Since our first meeting, we see each other consistently once per week. He will block out an entire Friday or Saturday for me and we’ll have a beautiful 8-hour date—usually drinks, an activity (beach, walk, etc.), a nice dinner, followed by a really hot make-out session in his car. He pays 95% of the time. The dates are incredible. We haven’t slept together yet, but there has been some occasional oral sex here and there.

The problem is… I want to see him more than once per week, but that simply is not happening. I’ve tried initiating with no luck.

At this point I don’t know if it’s because:

a.) We both at our parents’ houses temporarily and I live about 1hr 20 mins away from him. This makes it very hard to just casually hang out at each other’s places. (We’ll be getting our own apartments in Sept/Oct, about a 10 min drive from each other, so this distance will be over soon).

b.) He’s busy and stressed out. He’s at a crossroads with what he wants to do professionally and he’s mentioned he’s felt “lost and indecisive” over the past year. His weekdays are unpredictable (he’s self employed), making it hard to meet up spontaneously. I wonder if his feeling lost has anything to do with his ex, too… He broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years in May 2020 as she wanted to get married and have children very soon, but he wasn’t ready yet and he wanted to focus on his career and get that in order first. Anyways, she’s with someone else now.

c.) He’s just not that into me. I’ve noticed the phone calls/texts have died down considerably since we’ve met. He calls once every other day now. As the weekdays drag by, I don’t feel as connected to him anymore and I get stuck in my head, wondering if he’s still into me. Then we have an amazing weekend date where he talks about future things we’re going to do and the cycle begins all over again. I hate feeling like this. I’m trying VERY hard to play it cool and let him chase me because I know men run when women push them. But the long stretch of time where we don’t see each other and only occasionally speak is agonizing for me. He knows I want to see him more often, but he isn’t making it happen. I’m a believer in “if he wants to, he will.”

Our last date a few days ago was off the charts. He was so intimate with me. He looks at me like he’s falling in love with me. We’re likely going to have an overnight date this weekend. I want to sleep with him, but I’m scared of getting even more emotionally attached to him. While we are dating each other exclusively, he’s not my boyfriend, even though in my heart, I want him to be. I think he knows I want this, but we haven’t discussed it.

So…RPW… how should I proceed? Am I just overthinking things?