Dealing with refusal to marry

RareRedDietitian · 2020-02-02T13:36:57+00:00

It sounds like your long term goals aren’t in alignment, sorry to say. If it’s important to you to be married I would find someone who wants to.

Theendisnearornot · 2020-02-02T13:42:15+00:00

He’s been honest with you. Don’t romanticize and think “maybe I can change him” or “that’s not what he really meant”.

Here’s the choice you have to make: stay with him and do not get married. Or move on. The ball is in your court. Can you stay with him and not feel resentment or blame him for not fulfilling you desires?

AriesAsF · 2020-02-02T13:46:27+00:00

You can not, not ever, this is not to be understated- PUSH, force, cajole, whine, corner- a man into a successful marriage. If the commitment into marriage is not initiated, desired and led by him, it will never be red pill and it will fail. Cannot emphasize this enough. If this is important to you, you need to move along to someone who's goals align with yours. You've wasted some time but not that much, get out now.

2020-02-02T15:07:25+00:00

Make a declaration and then make it reality. Tell him.

"I will not have children without marriage and I am going to start a family soon"

Then you need to pick a date within 6 months to leave and stick to it. You probably already moved in together and will have to move out?

ikfl · 2020-02-02T13:39:37+00:00

This is a huge difference in how you view your future together. If this is something that is important to you, you need to make a choice if you’re going to stay with him or find someone who has the same goals as you do. You cannot expect that he will ever change his mind and the risk of staying together is that you will subconsciously try to coerce him into marriage which is doomed to make both of you miserable and be a waste of everyone’s time. As hard as it is, you need to evaluate what matters most to /you/ and then act accordingly.

theawaregirl · 2020-02-02T22:49:11+00:00

I would never in a million years have children outside of marriage. This is an awful idea and you should find someone you're aligned with on this.

Embarrassed-Draft · 2020-02-02T19:26:27+00:00

he drops that he will never get married

Is this just a way of telling me it won’t happen with me

What else would it be? Break up and find someone else to have children and a marriage with

the-red_woman · 2020-02-02T13:50:44+00:00

[deleted]

2020-02-02T15:09:36+00:00

Make a declaration and then make it reality. Tell him.

"I will not have children without marriage and I am going to start a family soon"

Then you need to pick a date within 6 months to leave and stick to it. You probably already moved in together and will have to move out?

2020-02-02T15:07:31+00:00

Make a declaration and then make it reality. Tell him.

"I will not have children without marriage and I am going to start a family soon"

Then you need to pick a date within 6 months to leave and stick to it. You probably already moved in together and will have to move out?

pearlsandstilettos · 2020-02-02T15:15:41+00:00

[removed]

BumbleBitny · 2020-02-02T15:17:42+00:00

[removed]

Leeleechirps · 2020-02-03T04:42:00+00:00

Are his parents divorced ? Curious to know why he doesn’t want to get married. That would make a difference to me. But from experience, I wouldn’t waste my time trying to make sense of it, take his word for it (by word I mean actions too)

organicsunshine · 2020-02-02T15:46:41+00:00

If it is government sanctioned marriage he is against discuss the pros and cons of private marriage.

HappilyMrs · 2020-02-02T14:20:06+00:00

You could try to ask why, and figure out between you whether there is a potential compromise, like a prenup? Failing that, his fundamental goal is at odds with yours. It sounds like a deal breaker

bottomLobster · 2020-02-02T15:53:03+00:00

First, a disclaimer - I'm a man.

From my perspective, it seems the issue is not about marriage itself but rather that you don't trust your boyfriend enough that he would provide for you and your children without the state whip above his head in the form of a marriage.

So, my advice would be to say to him openly how you feel about this, like you did in this thread, and either start trusting him to be the man you hope for or let him find someone else who will trust in him (or is not looking for such a serious commitment, if that is what he wants).

And at the same time, give the opportunity to yourself to find someone you can fully trust, though I understand how hard it can be.

Title	Dealing with refusal to marry
Author	pbc4310
Upvotes	5
Comments	39
Date	February 2, 2020 1:32 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/exoglb/dealing_with_refusal_to_marry/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/dealing-with-refusal-to-marry.318710 https://theredarchive.com/post/318710

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