How do I (23F) stop being dramatic when I get emotional?

HappilyMrs · 2021-05-30T16:46:54+00:00

Talk to him about it just as you've said to us. Get used to saying "I feel X, and what I need from you is Y". When you recognise that dramatic reaction, try saying you feel insecure and you need reassurance. Tweak it until you find the thing that actually helps.

KombuchaEnema · 2021-05-30T18:55:11+00:00

I’m similar to you. But my major issue is sensory overload. When I’m upset I get overwhelmed and need some peace and quiet to actually work through my thoughts and emotions so I can think rationally.

The biggest issue me and my husband have is that he’s the sort of person who wants to solve problems right here right now. So when I’m upset he won’t leave me alone, but I need that space to just calm down and work through my emotions so I can think rationally. He thinks I’m stonewalling, but I will literally say, “Hey, I need space to cool down, we can talk later when I’m more rational.”

I would suggest that, when you catch yourself in a dramatic mood, try to go to a calm, quiet area and sit for a while. It might take as little as 20 or 30 minutes for you to work through your emotions and start thinking rationally.

For me emotions hit hard and quickly drain away. It’s like when you cry a lot and then you feel calm and numb afterwards so you can think rationally.

SpanishLotus · 2021-05-30T17:59:46+00:00

I have OCD + I'm HSP and I can relate word by word to what you are saying. I know you might not be any of those but if this tip my mom gave you worked for me, it could very well help you too:

1) First of all you shouldn't feel bad about the things you feel, even if the source or the way that feeling develops seems unreasonable to you or it causes trouble. You can't control your feelings. The proof of that is that you are aware that sometimes you're being "too much" but still you can't help yourself and you end up acting upon them.

2) Even if you are not to blame for the thoughts or feelings that might come up, you are responsible for how you let those feelings impact your behavior or other's lives. This means that you are 100% blame-free for that terrible thing you feel when he doesn't reply to a text the way you think he normally does (e.g.), but you are responsible of what you do next.

3) Humans in general, but specially women, are expressive beings. We are built to share our inner world and seeking reassurance in others is basically our nature. This should make you understand the pattern of acting upon your feelings even if your rational brain doesn't think its right. You are just sharing. You're built for that.

How do we reconcile 1, 2, and 3 so you can feel better, learn to cope with anxiety while not hurting others? = Find a way of expressing what you are feeling that does not involve the person you want to protect. In my case I found out that whenever I'm having an anxious thought typing it down in my phones note app helps a lot. Writing it feels like expressing it, like telling it to my boyfriend, so I get a release. Also writing down helps my "rational brain" to be in a better position when trying to calm down my emotional side (Since when I put it into words I can tell better when I'm being irrational) and also there is nothing to loose. If after writing it down I see is reasonable I can always go and express it to him. 99% of the times tho I don't feel the need to.

Hope it helps!

anothergoodbook · 2021-05-30T17:00:02+00:00

You described me very well. I worked through some co dependent issues which helped for sure. Some of it is just growing up. Some of it is fake it til you make it - you may feel a certain way, but it doesn’t mean you have to act on it. The more you practice not acting on it - the easier it becomes. You start to have clarity in situations that arise. And then one day you don’t recognize yourself lol.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2021-05-30T16:07:17+00:00

Discipline and self-control. Guys have the same problem but it manifests differently, often in the form of aggression. But the root problem is the same - insufficient discipline and self-control.

AnotherRichard827379 · 2021-05-30T14:46:51+00:00

If I’m being completely honest: I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman who didn’t on some level have this issue.

It may just be one of those things that is a bit sexist to mention but almost universally true.

My best advice is to just recognize this within yourself (which you’ve done) and communicate it to your partner (he’s probably noticing anyway, when you’re in a relationship that is). As someone who is actually pretty good at calming people down and helping them feel secure, I always just try to work through it with her at the moment.

JadedByEntropy · 2021-05-30T18:16:54+00:00

Crucial Conversations by patterson

And a heck ton of learning what emotions feel like, and identifying them. Then recognizing when they are hormones and fake chemical eruptions and when they are real and psychologically bound....meaning that there is a mental belief that you need to identify like insecurity or pride that needs to be addressed rather than just controlling the fleeting emotion. Just because the emotions pass doesn't mean you cured you brain of some lie you're still telling yourself.

dadudenines · 2021-05-30T22:12:41+00:00

At least you are aware of this wide spread propensity right now, it took this woman 12 years to realize she was essentially abusing her husband and most never even wake up to it:

https://thefederalistpapers.org/us/woman-realizes-that-shes-been-accidentally-abusing-her-husband-this-whole-time?fbclid=IwAR2MyCPvcKh4DDufCKGqELMArgcUcYykXdSIf-faM5DrV6Df2-3bING1VzQ

nosleepincrooklyn · 2021-05-31T04:53:16+00:00

Therapy

thinkreate · 2021-05-30T17:36:33+00:00

Meditation will help a lot. You only need 10-15 minutes a day to make a difference. It’s like a muscle; it takes time to develop, but if you stick with it, you’ll notice results. Also, I’ve always been a big proponent of Hanlon’s Razor

Southernbelllle · 2021-05-31T00:57:07+00:00

Are you like this with other interpersonal relationships? If not, it might be him and not you

CarelessTrifle5242 · 2021-05-30T17:53:28+00:00

When we fight we scream. This is because we want other person to stop talking and listen. Men scream and women dramatize! The end result both need is for other person to listen without judgement!

So what you are doing is not bad it's just human nature! Over a period of time you both will have a better understanding. At that time he will scream less and you will have less dramatic reactions.

For now stretch your legs and relax! You are not crazy your mother had you tested!

TheShiningSun · 2021-05-31T05:27:40+00:00

I feel you. Sometimes my gut reaction is to say something I'll regret in the heat of the moment, so I'm currently working on this.

I'm no expert, but there's this book that I think would really help you out. It's called "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg, and it helps with communicating your needs/requests to others in a way that inspires them to respond with compassion.

seductionprovo · 2021-06-01T01:47:55+00:00

Handle all your challenges by telling yourself that you got this and take responsibility for the situation you are facing. Snap yourself out of your thoughts and emotions whenever needed. If necessary, use dramatic phrases to silence the negative voice like: be quiet, you are irrelevant, I got this, I can do it, et cetera.

Reframe the negative emotions and thoughts immediately and turn them into more productive ones. Sometimes it takes only a second to ruin a whole day.

Do whatever is necessary to silence the voice inside that makes you doubt your relationship. But never call yourself stupid and the like. Sometimes you need to give yourself an uplifting pep talk. Remember, you are strong, confident, fabulous, and can handle anything life throws at you. There is a solution, process, and tool for every problem; believe in yourself and do not allow any negativity to enter your mind—at least not for a very long time.

holographicawakening · 2021-06-01T03:14:16+00:00

This sounds like self worth issues. Work on your confidence and being secure within yourself. When you are secure in this way you are naturally less emotionally volitile. Also practice not being reactionary. Sitting with your feelings, experiencing them, understanding them, and the compassionately communicating to your partner what you need

ni406nja · 2021-06-03T17:37:07+00:00

Maybe he changed his behavior since you're together for 3 years and you went back to giving him shit tests because you started questioning his masculinity again. Or maybe you became too comfortable, or he did. All sorts of things could happen. Since i'm not a woman, i'll tell you what he could have done: Maybe he started acting a little bit like a beta and started excusing your every tantrum, so it got instilled in your subconsiousness that it's okay for you to do that. Or, you perceived him as a beta and he did nothing wrong.

Plus, biologically a woman is supposed to throw tantrums and an alpha is expected to put her back in her place, so don't hate yourself over having those instincts, however it is noble of you to work towards eliminating them.

Title	How do I (23F) stop being dramatic when I get emotional?
Author	figjuice
Upvotes	43
Comments	24
Date	May 30, 2021 2:01 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/nobstk/how_do_i_23f_stop_being_dramatic_when_i_get/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-i-23f-stop-being-dramatic-when-i-get.774282 https://theredarchive.com/post/774282

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