How do you guide your man?

Jenneapolis · 2022-12-02T02:31:24+00:00

I mean I don’t think this is far off from Laura Doyle’s advice too - specifically showing gratitude and expressing pure desires. Don’t worry, I don’t think it’s natural for most of us which is why we are seeking this advice on pages like this in the first place! It’s much easier to nag, vent and be negative but it doesn’t work. It takes practice and we won’t get it right every time, but you catch more flies with honey, right?!

SunshineSundress · 2022-12-02T03:09:30+00:00

I don’t really agree with some of the commenters that this idea is manipulative or selfish. But even if it is, so what? We aren’t here to moralize, or even to be “good” women, whatever the heck that means. To me, the best thing about RPW is that it gives me a toolbox to make men WANT to protect, love, provide for, and cherish me. If the end result means both people are happy and get what they want out of the relationship, then I don’t care if it is manipulative or selfish.

Some of my favorite posts from the RPW side bar or from ECs much smarter and more well-written than I have suggested similar strategies: The Art of Getting Things…Without Demanding Them instantly comes to mind. A relevant excerpt:

The trick to getting men to do nice things for you, without demanding them, is to make him want to do nice things for you. Here are the steps for showing and developing an "attitude of gratitude".

Be a person that he has emotional investment in. This is your basic relationship building tactics, so go back to RPW school if you don't know how to do this.
Never expect anything. I don't care if it's your birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas or Leif Erikson day, don't expect that he gives you anything, and don't be or mad/sad if you didn't get a present. Also, never tie sex to presents, he should be getting sex either way, on a very regular basis.
Remember anything he gives you is a gift that he didn't have to give to you, and act accordingly. If he's not giving you tangible gifts, think about the intangible ones he's giving you. Spending time with you, fixing the leaky faucet, paying the mortgage, whatever. Any gift he gives you should be met with childlike delight, like you're opening your presents on Christmas morning. Smile with glee, jump up and down, kiss him, and thank him.
Let him know if there's something you want, but don't make any sort of obligation or demand out of it. You're just giving him information, he will use it if he is so inclined.

I think the reason your post got quite a bit of pushback is because you phrased it as “guiding your man”. Immediately this sounds wrong to us, because at our core, we are a community of women who want male-led relationships. However, I think the takeaway of your post is fine. If you had phrased it as “Inspiring Your Man”, and suggested that to do so, you show your appreciation and gratitude when he puts in effort in the relationship (even if it’s his “responsibility”) and appeal to his masculinity, then I don’t think there’s anything to argue with.

I have not listened or even heard of this coach, and in general I look at anyone who charges for RP/femininity information that you can get for free on the internet with a wary eye. But personally I like this idea, and some version of it has been on RPW for ages now. My man and I have often talked about the importance of appreciation - it shows the other that their efforts, even if it’s their job or duty to do so, are not being taken for granted. It’s something that BOTH of our parents struggled with, and we make an active effort to build each other up so that we do things for the relationship because we WANT to and because it feels good to do so.

jeteztout · 2022-12-08T12:54:12+00:00

You don't guide him, you inspire him and you request from him. Phrasing of requests is very important.

Whether or not he takes on the inspiration and build on it (for example sexuality, if you want a specific kind of sex, there are hundred of non-verbal ways you can inspire him) is really up to him.

Inspiration isn't manipulation, it's awakening.

Requesting isn't ordering, it's acknowledging his authority. It puts him in a position of authority to please you.

red_Mercedez · 2022-12-02T09:36:06+00:00

I would say this is more of a subconscious thing/skill. Compliments, but, they have to be genuine. They have to be in the moment. For example, my husband recently gave his mom a very generous birthday gifts. That day when he made his mom really happy (he didn't have the best relationship with her before), I told him how amazing son he is, how he is so good blah blah blah :) The key thing to compliments to make them sincere is they have to be in the specific right moment!
However, I will say that when a man truly loves a woman, he will not try to "get his way", or do what makes him happy. He will naturally want to do what SHE wants. A woman will not have to fight for it.

kkat02 · 2022-12-02T02:07:51+00:00

This sounds kinda…. Manipulative. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I have to trick my husband/boyfriend into treating me well. That would be tough long term, my great grandparents have been together for almost 80 years (yes they are almost 100). Could you imagine a great grandma keeping that facade up for 8 decades?

You should always say things in a loving and kind way but sometimes you need to be straight to the point. After you give birth to your children you don’t want to have to say ‘wow I love how you changed MY (yes you need a diaper after birth) diaper.” You should be able to ask, better yet they should know your needs and know to offer.

Of course there’s things not as dire that you don’t want to ask for, like flowers. But you don’t need to treat your man as incompetent and in need of manipulation. Just tell him you like when he gets your flowers, or better yet just say it in a flirty way.

Im Christian, however even if you aren’t I think my beliefs can be beneficial for somebody following RP techniques. A relationship should mimic Jesus and the church. Jesus would do anything for the church and his people. He performed miracles and gave his life to the church. His actions were motivated by helping the church, so much so that he was willing to die on a cross for our sins. All he asks in return is the church to follow him and love him. A relationship is similar. Yes a women should ‘submit’ and follow her husband, but a man should love his wife like he loved the church. He should be putting his wife’s needs above his own. There is no manipulation in this dynamic.

appledonut4 · 2022-12-02T01:47:55+00:00

I do this with everyone in my life. Everyone loves to feel appreciated and successful.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2022-12-02T01:45:18+00:00

In a male led relationship, you don't want to guide your man, you want him to guide you. "Stroke his ego so he does for you all the stuff you don't want to do" is terrible advice and does not serve any relationship goal. It serves selfish goals.

A different issue would be "I am exhausted and I genuinely need him to be more involved in the housework". It's a partnership. You row together. So, how do you get him to be more involved?

You can tell him. Bring him your problem. "Love, I feel so exhausted, I feel like all the housework falls on me and I can't shoulder this weight on my own." - or, if you want to be more specific, "the thrash is bothering me, but I don't have the time/energy to take care of that." Maybe he'll offer to contribute more, maybe he'll offer you his perspective of being equally exhausted, maybe you can decide on a chore division, whatever. He'll want to take care of you. Offer him your vulnerability. And yes, of course, offer him praise and encouragement, appreciate what he's doing.

Be soft. Be vulnerable. Be honest. Bring him your smiles, your peace, your love and admiration. If you need to bring him a problem, have trust and faith in him - don't act entitled, don't try to manipulate him, don't dictate how he should solve it, and don't lead with criticism.

Accusations, complaints and criticism are not efficient tools. "You NEVER take out the thrash", "I can't believe you're so lazy", "Can't you see I have enough on my plate?", "You're doing it wrong" may feel good and righteous, but they don't help. So yes, you need to ovverride the urge to just blurt out what feels good in the moment, if it's the wrong thing to say. Press your lips firmly together and STFU.

Tl;dr: A good man who loves you will want to meet your needs and make you happy, unless you try really hard to suppress that instinct. So, choose a good man who loves you, and don't do stupid stuff.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2022-12-02T02:28:20+00:00

Goodness, do you take this dark triad approach to all your relationships in life or is it just your SO?

Try saying or doing nice things for your man because you like him and want to make his life pleasant for him instead. Look up outcome independence.

jsjsjnebd · 2022-12-15T15:23:40+00:00

I did this with my ex boyfriend. You're basically asking for advice on how to manipulate men. All it does on your side is make you feel like you're constantly wearing a mask or trying to pretend to be someone else.

AutoModerator · 2022-12-02T01:00:58+00:00

Title: How do you guide your man?

Full text: I recently came across a relationship coach (Spicy Mari) and one of her ideologies is getting what you want is better than winning an argument. Well of course it is but I get why it needs to be said, even I needed to hear this.

She also said if you don’t understand what makes this man get up and do for you. You don’t know how to guide him.

Guiding him includes: stroking his ego, motivating him to do what you ask of him e.g., “you’re a phenomenal father, I love when you help me change his diapers.” Vs “you did throw the trash away today.”

There’s so much more she says. Everything is strategic with her process. She said “even if I don’t feel like performing or saying these things to make him feel good about himself but since I committed to partnership. I’m going to override my emotion and do what better serves the relationship goal.”

This is why I’m asking this community. Because if the above stated stuff is an all the time thing. I’m definitely going to have to train myself for this because it doesn’t come natural to me as of yet but I’ll override this for the end result lol.

Sorry for the wordy explanation just to ask.

What do you find motivates your SO?And how do you softly guide him to get what you want?

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Title	How do you guide your man?
Author	Mission_Honeydew_597
Upvotes	23
Comments	47
Date	December 2, 2022 1:00 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/za67zt/how_do_you_guide_your_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-you-guide-your-man.1143259 https://theredarchive.com/post/1143259

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