How to be patient & wait for a proposal?

Jenneapolis · 2024-06-12T18:52:39+00:00

When a man says “I want to be with you forever,” it doesn’t necessarily means he wants to be married. There is a difference.

purple_popsicles · 2024-06-12T18:02:35+00:00

I think disappointing your parents is worth having an elopement that you are both happy with. It seems that you can either put your relationship under stress with a larger affair that may not even happen considering his feelings, or you can elope and thus honoring your needs as a couple

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-06-12T19:27:09+00:00

Yet he hasn't proposed. I said before we moved in together (almost 3 years ago) that I'd like to be his fiancée - he rebutted that he felt that living together would help us determine how things would work out long-term.

I have many reasons for feeling people shouldn't live together before at least being engaged and this is one of them. You're already there and moving out is usually not an option that wouldn't end a relationship, of course. This does mean you've lost your bargaining power, though. Your boyfriend already has all of the benefits he'll gain from marriage. You need to sweeten the pot and it sounds like a very small wedding or elopement is the way to do that.

If you haven't discussed this recently, I recommend revisiting the wedding conversation. Perhaps you could look up some fun destination ideas (fewer people can come) or other smaller ceremony options, like a gorgeous venu that's very limited in size. Maybe even consider eloping in a romantic setting and inviting your parents only or giving a live stream link. Try to get yourself genuinely excited for these things and then suggest them as options. Maybe if he knows the pressure to be the center of attention is off, he'll feel less hesitant. As for your parents, would you rather disappoint them or post this again at 30?

Reposted as a comment to OP, instead of the bot. Apologies. Four kids under three.

iminterestedinthis · 2024-06-12T18:05:21+00:00

Who cares if it’s disappointing to your parents? Your marriage is between you two, and if a courthouse wedding would make him happy and comfortable to take that step, then you two should do that. But at 6 years he is definitely dragging his feet. You should be clear about what you want (which it sounds like you have) and move out until that proposal happens, if you’re willing to continue waiting. Bc what onus does he have to change the status quo?

SuperiorLake_ · 2024-06-12T19:53:48+00:00

My husband and I eloped without anyone there (except our witnesses). We didn’t even tell most of our family until after it was done. It was the best thing for us. The only person who was bummed was my dad but he’s a narcissist asshole anyway so it doesn’t really matter. Everyone else was excited for us and got a kick out of how we did it. Took a TONNNN of stress off and saved an ungodly amount of time and money. We just wanted to be married. If that’s what is best for you, then why does it matter what others think. In the end, it’s YOUR marriage.

Edit- my cousin is getting married this fall. She’s only having a wedding to please her mom and both her and her fiance are pretty clearly miserable about it. It’s kind of tainting the whole experience for them.

RedPillDad · 2024-06-13T13:26:11+00:00

Sitting on the fence is a problem as a leader. Sure, there's a price to pay for making a bad move. The price of inaction often outweighs the price of a wrong move. Why? With a wrong move you can course correct and make it right, learning from the experience and gaining strength in agency. Failing forward is better than standing still. Confidence is built through boldly making decisions, wisdom is gained by learning from those decisions.

OP, your bf seems cowardly, afraid of making a move forward.

Ok_Obligation_6110 · 2024-06-12T20:11:56+00:00

Ive been in a similar situation to you, down to the breakup and get back together in 2019 with the intention of it being for marriage, it took us a year and a half almost exactly after getting get back together to get married. We did choose to elope, but instead did a ‘micro wedding’ as a compromise. Like your bf, I too hate the idea of an event where I’m the center of attention, but for me it’s much harder as the bride than the groom! We eloped on an island with just our parents and siblings and had a ceremony and an intimate dinner reception for about 3k total including my dress and everyone’s food and drink and the whole venue on the beach with a planner and all. I say all this to illustrate that if marriage is important to you two, it’s not an all or nothing choice between the two options of a courthouse or full on wedding. Look for a compromise and if he’s resistant to it you’ll have an answer to if he wants to be married at all and he’s just not saying it.

caffinated_mom · 2024-06-13T00:49:41+00:00

Would you be okay if he never marries you?

TheBunk_TB · 2024-06-12T23:32:12+00:00

Can I be the Aholes Advocate?

He seems happy with what he has, what is in it for him?

I do understand your position, but how are you presenting it to him?

I’m not saying an ultimatum or nagging is necessary, but I am not sure you are selling him the idea.

Can you explain the appeal in a way that he understands?

VasiliyZaitzev · 2024-06-12T21:17:03+00:00

the idea of any event where the focus is on him (including a wedding) is very stressful for him.

LOL. At a wedding the groom might as well be a Ken doll. His duties are as follows:

A. Show up...

B. ...Sober.

C. Hit his mark.

D. Say his lines.

E. Stay out of the way.

"what if something goes wrong?"

Guys think about this wrt AFTER the wedding.

What are his finances like? I ask because any time one of my ladies wants to talk marriage, I tell her she has to agree to a pre-nup, bc I already built my empire and I am not starting over in middle age because some girl changes her mind (bearing in mind that any (hypothetical!) wife I might have would be amply provided for during marriage and any widowhood.)

And in a no-fault state, a wife can bang whoever, divorce the guy, and still get awarded cash and prizes for doing so. Now, I get it, NAWALT - that's actually true - but just like you ladies and guys who might be rapists, we don't know who the "safe" ones are, either.

You could also elope and then do a church wedding or smth so that the pressure is off.

Good luck.

AutoModerator · 2024-06-12T17:26:32+00:00

Title: How to be patient & wait for a proposal?

Author -dai-zy

Full text: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years. Let's call him Caleb. He's 33 and I'm 26 (27 and 20 when we met). We broke up for a few months in 2019 then got back together and we've been fully committed for the past 4 and a half years. When we did get back together, and several times since, he's made it clear that he wants to be with me forever.

Yet he hasn't proposed. I said before we moved in together (almost 3 years ago) that I'd like to be his fiancée - he rebutted that he felt that living together would help us determine how things would work out long-term.

About a year ago I brought up again my desire to be engaged - I wanted to use a particular diamond from my family so he put the onus on me to procure the ring, which I did. Caleb paid for the ring once it was made plus a wedding band.

Since then I've gotten considerably more antsy - I don't want or need an elaborate proposal or wedding, but I want to be able to put the ring on my finger, to change my last name to his, etc.

In the to last conversation we had about this a few months ago, he made it clear again that he is 100% committed and he wants to be with me forever, but that the idea of any event where the focus is on him (including a wedding) is very stressful for him. I think that if we could just snap our fingers and just be married that would be ideal for him. Also we both agree that a courthouse wedding/elopement would likely be disappointing to our parents.

His parents are divorced and remarried to partners who are fine, but Caleb is not close with either of the new spouses. I think Caleb is disillusioned by marriage because of this.

I worry that since I initiated the procurement of the engagement ring, he might have felt pressured into paying for it.

I also feel like without a ring on my finger, I can't mentally get past the nagging thought of "what if something goes wrong?". I know that I should trust his words but it's still so hard to just make peace with waiting. How do I do that?

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Maleficent-Brief-178 · 2024-06-12T20:07:21+00:00

Asking someone to emotionally and physically commit to you and demanding! they go before the government and legally bind their self to you......are not the same things so this may be the miscommunication that you two are having

Especially if he's been disillusioned to the legal binding contract of marriage through friends and family especially his own parents separation can be very dramatic for young men

aussiedollface2 · 2024-06-14T02:57:44+00:00

He should know by now. I would say, casually but firmly, that you would think he would know by now and would expect proposal by the end of the year. Then never mention it again. That’s the important bit, like it’s then never mentioned as you’ve said your piece. I’ve seen this work many times. Good luck x

Radiant_Mouse525 · 2024-06-16T11:57:03+00:00

Don't waste the pretty.

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GenialePrutser · 2024-06-12T19:30:02+00:00

I hope he doesn't propose at all. Getting married is one of the most expensive mistakes he can make.

Of course you won't ever divorce him, but it''s a good idea for him to calculate the amount of money he has to pay in alimony and to the lawyers if you do decide to use the weapons his is about to give to you.

Actual-Setting-6332 · 2024-06-27T17:16:44+00:00

Do not move in. Period. Wait until you are married to move in. It took 7 years for me. My story is a little different but his parents are divorced twice and my parents separated after I moved in with him. What are you planning to do?

Title	How to be patient & wait for a proposal?
Author	-dai-zy
Upvotes	4
Comments	62
Date	June 12, 2024 5:26 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1dec9gd/how_to_be_patient_wait_for_a_proposal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-be-patient-wait-for-a-proposal.1521356 https://theredarchive.com/post/1521356

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