Missing out... ?

cats_or_get_out · 2016-03-10T05:36:12+00:00

Any time you say yes to something, you say no to everything else.

This is true for everything. Say you have a dollar. You can save it or you can buy a candy bar or one those St. Patrick's Day headbands from the Target $1 bin or whatnot. But no matter what you do (spend or save), you are going to "miss out" on something. If you buy the candy bar, you have said no to all other possibilities of that dollar other than the candy bar. That's how it works. So you have to choose wisely.

You can't have it all. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a fool or a marketer. You have a finite amount of resources (time, money, fertility, etc). Each person needs to figure out what her values are and to live according to those values.

Avoid the grass is greener trap. Women have this insatiable need to look left and right for validation (your friends and family) and to keep our "options open." We have to focus our attention on our dang lawn and stop worrying about "missing out."

(I'm in my late 30s. Married at 23. Kid at 27. 10/10 would choose this if I had to do it over.)

delores_rose · 2016-03-10T12:51:52+00:00

I am 35, unmarried and childfree. Gaze into the future... In my early 20s, I was full of crazy dreams and desires that frankly, were unreasonable and unachievable considering other factors. Yes, bar hopping and clubbing was fun, and there were a few memorable trips and adventures along the way. I never wanted kids, so I avoided men who did. This went on until I was about 30.

One day, I realized that all my friends were married or obsessed with their career, and no one had the time to do fun things. Suddenly, you are one of the oldest women at the club or bar and being around drunk 20-somethings is annoying. So nights out got replaced with nights in, alone.

I started realizing that I did want to be married, and that while I didn't want kids at that time, I also had wasted to opportunity to change my mind! Even if I got married tomorrow, there's no way I want to be pregnant and chasing around babies at 36, 37. 38 years old.

I'm attractive and a RPW who is in a relationship but not married yet. To be 100% honest I regret turning away from men who were more serious about getting married in my 20s. Even when you think "there's still time, I'm still young, etc" time has a way to going by faster as you get older and before you know it, your 20s are over.

Any decision can be a bad one. Any decision comes with regrets or consequences. However, would I advise a women to forgo getting married and having kids in their 20s if they know for sure that they definitely want those things? NO, do it while you are young and have the energy.

There are too many variables in life that can cause things to be delayed and not happen. To put off something that you know you want and replace it with something that may or may not be beneficial to you is seems silly to me. If he loves you and wants to start a family, there is no guarantee that if you delay that he won't change his mind or find someone who does want those things. Also, let's say you put it off, you guys end up splitting for whatever reason. You go out and "live it up" in your 20s. There is no guarantee that you will be able to find a marriage minded man when you are ready.

PhantomDream09 · 2016-03-10T05:05:13+00:00

I have never felt like I have 'missed out' on anything. I know what my priorities are, and I understand what will make me the happiest in the long run.

Incidentally, I think travel is mostly a waste of money - a way for boring people to pretend they're interesting. It's an expensive way to create experiences that you can almost always replicate in some way, closer to home. An interesting person will be interesting regardless of what they do. A happy person will be happy wherever they are.

I did a lot of travelling growing up, and it's not the sights, sounds, or food that I remember. The conversations and moments I treasure could have just as easily happened iin my backyard.

You have goals, and you are only doubting yourself because other people made different choices. What do your friends have now? After all the money is spent? Tans that will fade? Memoriess can be created in many different ways, and you don't need to spend money on a short term thrill when you can invest it instead on something that will last decades (a new home).

cl3ophatra · 2016-03-10T08:48:44+00:00

I am 21 years old and sometimes I feel like I SHOULD feel like I'm missing out. But I don't. I see all the drunken pictures of friends and all their hook up stories. And sure it sounds entertaining and fun. Something to laugh back on. But it's not something I want for myself. Sure I have some funny drunken stories but my character is simply way too different to want to be out every weekend and hooking up or going on spring break trips. And it has nothing to do with how I view relationships, either. If I'm being honest with myself, I was never into it even at 16 or 18 and single. It just did not interest me.

We always question whether we should be doing something if the people around us are all doing it and raving about what a great time it is. And if you truly feel you are missing out, give it a go. But you don't have to be missing out on anything for being responsible or mature beyond your years. Some people are old souls, it's ok. Your skin, wallet, and health will thank you for it in the future anyway.

I promise you when you're settled into your new place and loving it, you won't regret a thing.

iwishiwasamermaid · 2016-03-10T05:32:57+00:00

So you missed out on a girls trip for practical reasons. No big deal. If travel is important to you then express that now to your SO and if it's important to him too you can budget your future accordingly. I personally love travelling for the sights/food/new experiences but only ever really envision it with my SO. I have gone on girls trips but there's always drama and I wouldn't say you missed out on much other than over drinking and sluttiness. So... no... you're not missing out.

Aitikulta · 2016-03-10T14:02:53+00:00

You're not missing out because instead of wasting resources on short term gain you're saving your resources for the long term. Saving money for a new house is a great idea. I like the other posters married young to my college sweetheart and had kids young. Now at 31 I have the big family, cozy house and devoted husband I wanted and the life I love.

Now let me tell you I did get jealous when my Gfs were going off to booze filled caribbean vacations and flitting off to Europe to sightsee. I felt boring and wondered if I had done the wrong thing like they had all said. But now those friends are the ones jealous of me. They are in their mid thirties to early forties with massive debt from "vacays", still renting apartments, single and desperate to find a "good guy like your husband" to marry and have kids with. They're finding washed up losers on the dating sites or guys who just want a hookup.

Stand proud and know you've made a good choice, you are investing in your future. Taking trips with your husband and kids are way more fun and rewarding then booze filled flings in the caribbean.

sariaru · 2016-03-10T10:56:58+00:00

So I got married at 22, and I'll have 2 kids by the time I'm 25. This is the life I want, and it's awesome.

Do you really think those girls are going to remember spring break in 50 years? Really? I doubt it. And if they do, it'll be something to mention casually at a party, laugh about for a couple of minutes, and that's it.

I couldn't imagine chasing around a toddler in my 30's. I'm tired now chasing him around, but it's the best thing in the world, and this is the best time to do it. I knew exactly what (and who) I wanted, and I went for it.

StingrayVC · 2016-03-11T17:09:52+00:00

I just read this quote and thought of you, If you don't sacrifice for what you want, what you want becomes the sacrifice.

[deleted] · 2016-03-10T13:36:37+00:00

I was married young and had children young. I'm currently working on my third, about 14 weeks along. I'm 27. I wouldn't change a thing. I never had drunken experiences on spring break or slept with some guy I just met at a college party or backpacked around Europe or whatever else kids tend to do nowadays. You know what I missed out on? All the debt that is associated with college and fancy vacations before you have a good paying job. Damage to my liver. Possibly an unplanned pregnancy with a guy I barely knew.

Maybe that's a little dramatic but I wouldn't change my life for the world!! My grandmother for pregnant when she was 16 and had a shotgun wedding, had 4 more kids with the guy and then divorced him and tried to recapture her youth. She is a huge feminist and is by and large very disappointed with the life I chose. She pressured my father when we were getting married, trying to get him to not let us, she gave me a huge speech on how disappointed she was when I chose to not go to college. We all have decisions to make. You can't live life watching someone else's grass turn green.

I will tell you that a number of my friends and I fell out of touch after they went away to college. I only ever get updates on their lives from FB now. But I made new friends with women, established women who have achieved or are closer to achieving goals that I have so it's great to ask them for advice on things. Do you! In the end, you're the one that has to live with yourself. Whoever compared a child to a ball and chain to you sounds like a really negative person. I don't know who would possibly think of their own child that way.

StingrayVC · 2016-03-10T13:53:52+00:00

I got married at 23 and didn't have kids until 28. Honestly, I wish we would have had kids right away looking back with 20/20 vision. I never felt like a missed out on a thing except the time to have my kids younger.

Life is life. It is what you want it to be. If you want to get married, is that not life? What sense does it make to say you are missing out on life my getting married young. That is what you want. That is the life you'll be missing out on by going the route this woman expressed to you.

You missed out on a conversation with your friends. They told you all the funny stories and whatnot. What didn't they tell you? What are they hiding because you have to know there is more to that trip then just what they relayed to you. And maybe they did make great memories to last a life time. Are your memories with your SO, while different, any less?

m0llywobbles · 2016-03-11T03:39:54+00:00

There have been times I wish I'd had some experiences, but they are all things that occurred before I met my fiance. I really wanted to go to college, but the funding didn't work out for me, and there are times I wish I'd had that experience...but honestly, I'd be in a lot more debt with probably not a lot of benefit, since I'm a happy stay-at-home-future-wife right now and will probably be a SAHM in the future. I get an insane amount of joy out of making my home homey, preparing meals, successfully managing our family social relationships, making his day-to-day easier so that he can focus on big picture goals. I like when he comes home and the house is clean, laundry is done, there's something in mind and prepped for dinner, animal care is done, errands are done. We're the first out of our friend group to get married, and I enjoy being able to feed and entertain his friends when they come around, and I love being an active part of family traditions--I help his mother with every holiday, including a huge family Thanksgiving that takes us 2 weeks/year to prepare for. (That, by the way, is an experience that I know I'll carry with me forever, and will hopefully be passed down to our children, and is extraordinarily special to my fiance. I love making the holidays for him.)

I still have personal projects that I'm pursuing. I still get out and do things. I have an active social life, but an appropriate one for an engaged woman. We expand our horizons together, but usually pretty close to home. We plan fun dates and we're building a home together. This feels worthwhile and solid; I'd choose him over anything else, so I don't really feel like everyone else is getting something that I need or even really want. My choices align with my goals. You're the only person who can decide if that's true for you.

mylifeisavacation · 2016-03-10T15:19:02+00:00

I met my husband at 24 and only wish we had met sooner. "Memories to last a lifetime" is completely subjective. The memories I've made with my husband and throughout the time I've been with him are much more important to me than any I can think of from before. Having fun and living your life in a way that is meaningful and enriching to YOU is not exclusive to single life!

little_red_ · 2016-03-10T14:59:06+00:00

Isn't your relationship in a tough spot right now? I wouldn't be planning marriages until you can figure out dating.

friendtoallthecats · 2016-03-11T15:38:23+00:00

I didn't get married until 27 which was so strange for my family, who all got married in their early 20's and have like three kids by 30. And so I spent most of my 20's worrying about missing out from the totally opposite end you are! So it's all about perspective, really.

Title	Missing out... ?
Author	ohheyydee
Upvotes	15
Comments	33
Date	March 10, 2016 4:25 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/49rxxi/missing_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/missing-out.86046 https://theredarchive.com/post/86046

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