Please help me understand when to STFU.

Vinegar88 · 2022-06-01T00:42:42+00:00

He's told you he likes that you're talkative and passionate - has he ever said anything to the contrary? If not, then don't stress the thought that you're annoying. That being said, you say he tunes you out at times, like when he's watching TV. It is pretty rude to keep talking to someone who is focused on something else, so that's a time when you should change your behaviour. If it's something you absolutely have to share right at that moment, touch his arm and ask him if he can spare his attention for a moment. If he says no, wait until he's done. Maybe write things down. Journal. For when you need to get something out when he can't be there to listen.

SunshineSundress · 2022-06-01T00:49:57+00:00

I think you are overthinking it. He has explicitly told you he likes it. Just because he isn’t talkative in response doesn’t mean that you annoy him, or god forbid that you do something completely unnecessary like “resist the urge not to open my mouth even though I want to.” He is just different from you, probably because he’s a man.

You are confusing the context for what RPW uses “STFU” for. We don’t say that to tell women not to talk about their day or what’s on their mind. STFU is specifically about holding your tongue when you are heated, annoyed, or naggy, so that you don’t create unnecessary conflict in your relationship in an unproductive way. In that context, STFU allows you to listen to your partner through moments of conflict, and creates room for your partner to step into his masculine. Read more about STFU here - this post is required RPW reading and you’ll find that it’s different from what you’re talking about in this post.

The only issue that could potentially arise here is if being tuned out makes you feel neglected. However, if he’s only tuning you out when you’re talking while he’s watching TV and gives you his attention and care otherwise, I think that’s just a logistical issue. It’s pretty hard to listen to two things at once, so recognizing that talking to him while his attention is elsewhere isn’t that productive may help you from feeling hurt because of this. If he’s a good listener most of the time otherwise, I wouldn’t take it too personally. If you really feel chit-chatty, hit up a girlfriend to get it out of your system while he’s preoccupied.

Jenneapolis · 2022-06-01T03:02:43+00:00

I can say how I feel as the one with a partner who talks a ton. I also like it, I’m quiet so I need an outgoing man, but sometimes I do feel like he’s monologuing and talking at me rather than us having a conversation. Asking questions, asking follow up questions, and listening may help you feel him be more engaged with you. As an introvert, sometimes I just hit my max on being talked at so feel out his energy at any given time.

goldenappletits · 2022-06-01T00:46:07+00:00

I struggled with this just tonight! I'm an ENFP with zero introvert points and my beloved hubby is a quiet INTJ. I try to ask him questions about what HE wants to talk about, respect his space, and if I have to, maybe go distract myself by being in another room. I kind of just go on and on, and usually he loves to listen, but he sometimes needs some alone time. The upside is we aren't boring!

VasiliyZaitzev · 2022-06-01T03:48:59+00:00

Am I overthinking this?

Yes.

How do I STFU?

If he's looking AT you, no prob. If he's not, ask yourself if this is the best time. If he's watching the last 2 minutes of any sporting event, it is not. Also, w/TV you can always wait until the commercials. Nobody likes commercials.

N.B. I realize he's ok with it, but you can still pick your spots.

solnocturnum · 2022-06-01T03:16:28+00:00

Listen to your inner voice when it tells you not to speak of something and simply zip it ,lol I'm a talkative person like you and this helped me.

sunglasses90 · 2022-06-01T11:53:15+00:00

You’re overthinking this. You’re not talking over him. He can watch tv and talk. Maybe he tunes you out during an important part but if he comes back to you to listen again you’re fine. I wouldn’t assume this is a problem, but you could pick up a book sometimes or something like that to commit to a little quiet time if you want to do that.

Throwawayneedhelp77 · 2022-06-01T14:37:01+00:00

Just use common sense. If he’s watching t.v, just got in from work, reading something, etc. just be quiet.

Hellokittynole · 2022-06-02T16:24:30+00:00

My partner is a lot less talkative than myself. Personally I think it’s a good balance but I’ll sometimes share the same insecurity. It’s important to take what your man says seriously so if he’s saying he loves that about you you should listen. If he’s lying then that is 100% on him and not on you.

When he’s watching tv or preoccupied it’s probably more polite to just not talk too much unless it’s an important matter or relevant to what he’s engaging with. Men, especially quiet men, need to decompress just like women and sometimes that’s just tv or video games.

Title	Please help me understand when to STFU.
Author	LoveWitchXo
Upvotes	21
Comments	17
Date	June 1, 2022 12:22 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/v246lh/please_help_me_understand_when_to_stfu/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/please-help-me-understand-when-to-stfu.1117804 https://theredarchive.com/post/1117804

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