Question.

DaisyDucksdaughter · 2016-12-12T21:34:56+00:00

To me a man is not really a man if he is afraid to show /to convey his emotions.

onacasserole · 2016-12-12T18:39:50+00:00

I don't think a man sharing his feelings is a turn on, but I do think it's necessary for a successful LTR.

It's kind of like how men aren't "attracted" to intelligence in women, but still usually end up with someone close to their IQ. Logistically there are going to be problems in a relationship where the man has an IQ of 150 and the woman has an IQ of 90. It's simply unlikely to work.

By the same token some level of expressing feelings is necessary for most women. Being with a man who is so stoic that you have absolutely no sense of what he feels, thinks, wants, or needs, is not romantic or fun...it's a pain in the ass.

I don't want a sobbing mess of a man who expounds endlessly on his feelings, but I appreciate that my husband has worked on his ability to explain to me how he feels (even if he doesn't want to talk about it much and doesn't want my advice). It's all about balance.

PinkTulipz · 2016-12-12T17:43:15+00:00

Although I'm not into overly emotional men, I also don't go for stoics. Letting thoughts and feelings be known at the appropriate time in a direct way would give me the impression that he is confident and interested, which I'd like.

Spazzy19 · 2016-12-13T00:43:51+00:00

I need it... especially if he's struggling and it is impacting our relationship. Plus, I like feeling valued and trusted with his inner feelings, even if he thinks it makes him look weak. I don't want a regularly crying man, but I want to know the whole him and love him in all ways and states.

rainyweathergirl · 2016-12-13T02:03:26+00:00

My ideal man would be emotionally open to me and sensitive to other people's feelings but he would also be able to hold himself together through times of stress.

Willow-girl · 2016-12-13T04:27:59+00:00

So I'm wondering how you ladies would feel about an alpha male that will willingly express some feelings to a woman.

As opposed to what? Being a mannequin? Of course a man should express his feelings. I'm not sure he should sit around all day talking about them ... hell, I don't do that myself, generally. But yeah, it should be OK for a guy to be happy, sad, angry, whatever ... he's human too. :-)

deco_doll · 2016-12-13T14:48:53+00:00

Emotional openness and expression is attractive. However, it must be tempered with time, trust, and the ability to sall the ship under stormy seas. If he starts telling me about his issues on date 2, or if he loses his shit when something goes wrong and throws fits, cries, holds on to anger for unreasonable amounts of time, that is unattractive. Stoicism is unattractive to me, don't want a robot

loneliness-inc · 2016-12-12T23:43:59+00:00

From my very limited experience.

I have a bit of an ability to express myself through the written word, I'm also a very loving person. Combine these two and I'm busy writing her love letters filled with expressions of love, desire and whatnot.

I completely stopped writing anything because of how much of a turnoff it is for her. Haven't written a love letter in years.

I now try to limit all other expressions of emotions that have the chance of being seen as weakness. As much as she'll swear up and down that it's okay and good for me to be vulnerable with my emotions, her actions tell a different story...

NoFaceNoPlace · 2016-12-12T17:26:25+00:00

To me as a woman? Or to another woman other than myself? Like an attempt to create abundance mentality?

gotow0nderland · 2016-12-12T17:30:10+00:00

If you were interested in a man and he were to start expressing his feelings. Not only his feelings about you, but things maybe from his past or in general. Would that turn you off from him or would it be something that would attract you to him more?

loadedgunmakeoutsesh · 2016-12-24T11:53:36+00:00

This is a really good question. I have heard of/experienced occurrences where guys who presented a deliciously confident alpha vibe destroyed the perception by showing their hand and betraying that their actual sense of self was actually riddled with weakness/insecurity, and thus decreased their attractiveness drastically if not totally.

In my experience: It always felt abjectly horrible to see myself unwillingly and instantaneously recontextualize someone's attractiveness when they showed their deep feelings of vulnerability and insecurity to be the truth about their internal self, instead of the confident and collected illusion they had so far presented. (usually those sorts of guises are eagerly chucked at the first available opportunity, though)

I think a large part of what accents the deflation of interest, is almost all the men I've been exposed to were generally outright shrillish weak beta wimps or just barely and resentfully holding on to a superficial act of confidence and not truly convincing anyone of it's authenticity, and the ensuing development in me of a deep deep fascination of a truly strong, authoritative man who would shamelessly utilize his superior strength and own situations with a smooth, effortless confidence.. And the reality that those confident alphas were almost always posturing a sad little façade.. Also a huge bummer. I'm perfectly friendly with the idea of extending a person in that emotional state whatever sort of therapeutic discussion that would benefit them, but the enticement factor evaporates completely.

Though of course, in the absence of pretense, I tend to be way more forgiving of beta-ness, though it's never nearly as enticing as a honest to god alpha.

But as for a alpha just expressing situation-appropriate feelings that don't correlate strongly with innate instability of strength, whether they be joy, sadness or any other number of things...(like crying over the death of a beloved dog, sharing fears about huge points of concern like mortality or political turmoil, or showing joy and what it means to him to meet his newborn child). Expressing and sharing emotion/meaning about events in his life (positive or not) foster so much true intimacy. It would DEFINITELY make me like them more, to see they are experiencing life not as a safely detached observer but instead fearlessly opening themselves to openly feeling the depths of what can be felt, to be as shamelessly authentic and alive as one can be. That is definitely the absolute ideal for me.

I see some people saying in other comments they don't want someone overly emotional... I don't care HOW emotional they are, I'd rather someone experienced life intensely and be truly connected to the intimacy of existing that REALLY feeling something entails, as long as that feeling had an intellectually meaningful basis and was reasonably filtered through a honestly held identity of being a capable and confident man who knows how to handle the shit that needs handling.

Obviously if I demanded this exact sort of person as what is an acceptable partner, I would almost certainly be alone forever, but the more my partner resembles this idea, the more awesome the relationship is. hehe.

Title	Question.
Author	gotow0nderland
Upvotes	5
Comments	29
Date	December 12, 2016 5:08 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5hxr2y/question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/question.86724 https://theredarchive.com/post/86724

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