Recently discovered this sub, and having a really hard time disassembling the smart, "dominant" woman part of me.

teaandtalk · 2019-03-14T07:19:00+00:00

Apparently, it seems that this sub encourages that?

No. No, no, no. It does not. It suggests smart women find smart(er, if possible) men, so they don't have to settle intellectually. And, while we advocate submitting (when appropriate), a dominant woman should find a dominant man.

sonder_one · 2019-03-14T09:16:03+00:00

Three things:

The most RPW-compliant woman I know (who is unaware of Red Pill) is a "witch with a capital B" (her words) in the office (very successful) and a Disney/teddy-bear girly girl in her relationship. It is doable.
It is common for feminist-type women to say "men don't appreciate strong, capable women!" These women are not strong or capable. They are bitches. Men don't like bitches.
You can't submit to a man who's not worthy of submission. Vetting matters.

MentORPHEUS · 2019-03-14T04:22:04+00:00

I am the eldest daughter, and immediately assumed charge in controlling and making decisions.

Kudos to you, filling that role in that manner was what was needed to get you through that part of your life. But, and this is a big one: while these qualities may add to your RMV in the long haul, they not only don't help your SMV now, they actively work against you. Compartmentalize these away, they will sabotage your relationships and success at pair bonding. Hold on to your pride for what you've been through, but don't expect this to sell well for you in the dating and marriage marketplace.

Men are turned off by a woman assuming charge and controlling things. This is fundamental to Red Pill principles. Embrace an adult persona that is attractive to men in order to change this.

stripethrowaway · 2019-03-14T03:45:57+00:00

First of all,

Smart =/= Dominant.

We don't want to dumb down anybody. We have everything from nannies to accountants to SAHMs to doctors and lawyers and ladies who never even graduated high school in here. I don't know what you are interpreting that makes you think you need to act dumb!

You grew up in an environment where you had to be the strong one for a long time. That probably meant that you got very used to hiding your vulnerabilities, and you probably got very good at suppressing your emotional side. I think that if you embrace this way, you might find a relationship that helps you let the need to be in charge go. Finding a relationship with someone you can trust to do all the hard stuff is so liberating, like a weight is lifted! Not only that, it definitely feels like being on a team.

You don't have to sit there like a pretty little princess waiting for a man to rescue you. In fact, in 2019, I'd argue that's a more "BP" mentality. If you have an interest in a man, display interest in a man. You can absolutely be assertive. You can absolutely show your intelligence. You can absolutely make decisions. RPW is a way of communicating those things in a submissive way.

Keep in mind, submissive =/= passive.

Yes, you are following a man's lead with this sexual strategy. No, you are not giving up yourself or becoming a doormat!

I'm sure other gals will chime in, but for me, I feel I identify with you in the aspect that I too was in a position where I had to make all the decisions and was the smart one as well. I still consider myself smart!!!!! I just modify my communication style to fit a more dominant partner. (I think that my last post I made in my post history might describe how that's changed since I joined this place.)

I hope this makes you feel better!

ShootingDanks · 2019-03-14T16:02:30+00:00

However, I do NOT, for any second want to ever dumb down myself for an insecure man either. Apparently, it seems that this sub encourages that? Or am I misinterpreting?

Don't know what you're misinterpreting, I've never come across anything close to that message on RPW.

Never dumb yourself down. Be authentic. Strive to be the very best version of yourself, including intellectually. Continue to improve yourself, grow, learn, develop. Those are the messages I have encountered here.

Vet your man. Stay very far away from insecure men. You are looking for a man who is confident in his masculinity.

Once you have found a man who is Captain material, pick your battles. I am not particularly submissive. I am a university lecturer, used to dominating large spaces filled with crowds. However, at home, I tone that down. My guy wouldn't describe me as "passive" (I've asked him). He says that I am "agreeable, with firm boundaries". He respects that.

The trick is, before you "correct" him, ask yourself how important this is. For things like the "correct" way to load the dishwasher, or fold laundry, or get to a destination, I just relax. In the grand scheme of things, it makes no difference. I'd rather have a man who feels like he's helped me out and we can have a peaceful evening together, than someone who resents me for rejecting his attempts to help.

If he's wrong about factual information, consider the way you query that. I might ask something like "really? That doesn't sound right, how sure are you about that?" He's a "looker upper", so he'll consult Google and figure it out. And share his newfound knowledge with me, rather than feel embarrassed about being doubted and proven wrong, had I approached it in a different way.

If it's something serious, like managing our budget, he's in charge, but I am involved. We figure it out together, consider what we need. He's in finances, so it's obvious that he should handle investments and so on, but despite his expertise, we're still a team. He values my input. He consults me. He doesn't want me to say "gee, honey, I just don't know, you handle it".

Ultimately, you're looking for someone who inspires you to be the best version of yourself and vice versa.

Theendisnearornot · 2019-03-14T11:29:45+00:00

A big part of the whole being smart - issue is not coming off as a know it all. I consider myself to be fairly smart (not bragging... I read a lot and o love learning). If I start correcting my husband on everything - he starts to get really upset (for a very good reason!!).

For example, last night we were watching the British baking show. They were doing a technique that he thought was wrong. Mind you - neither of us are bakers... he just said it seemed wrong. My tendency is to go figure it out and prove him wrong (or see if he’s right...but there is a certain satisfaction to being right). The question is... what is my goal? Make my husband feel stupid or continue having a nice evening on the couch in “harmony”. Unfortunately I looked it up on my phone :/.

Women call it manspalining when men do it. But when women do it - we are being “helpful” and teaching. It isn’t dumbing yourself down - it’s being aware of your goals. Like I said - if you want a cohesive relationship where you are loved and respected... it means biting your lip from time to time. A good captain knows you are smart and utilizes that.

shitposterkatakuri · 2019-03-14T03:47:18+00:00

First off, you’re probably not a good person to decide if you’re smart or not. Second off, you don’t have to be a bumbling idiot to be a RPW. Third, it has a lot to do with learning to focus on being submissive and complimentary instead of dominant and competitive. Amplifying your man’s potency instead of competing with it. Obviously, this means you have to be discerning and ruthless when finding a man to actually submit to but if you can manage to find someone who’s constantly trying to be his best self and constantly trying to navigate life on both of your behalf, you just need to figure out how best to be the first mate to his Captain. Best of luck.

LateralThinker13 · 2019-03-14T15:32:15+00:00

I'm very confused on how to approach subjects where I know he's incorrect or I want to disagree.

Two very, VERY different scenarios. If you handle them the same, you'll die a spinster.

1) Where you know he's incorrect. If you know he's wrong, and have facts to demonstrate it (not feelings), and present them to him NOT in front of others in order to not embarrass him or score "I'm smarter than you" points with him, he should appreciate it. A mature man welcomes new data that corrects fallacies he has previously held. But they have to be demonstrable facts.

2) ...or I want to disagree. Here's where I hear your ego-hamster talking. Disagreeing with your man, especially publically, for any reason other than the fact that he's factually wrong, is picking a fight and trying to establish dominance over him. Doing this will accomplish one of two things; he'll back down, and you'll lose interest and respect in him, or he'll fight and/or leave you.

Neither is in your best interest. You need to rein in your desire to dominate. If you correct your man because you want HIM to be correct and right, that's great. If you correct your man because you like finding fault or showing others you're smarter, then best buy your 10-cat starter kit now.

Webarebare12 · 2019-03-14T15:32:17+00:00

I’m still fairly new myself so take this with a grain of salt, but from what I’ve seen, this sub isn’t about dumbing yourself down and making yourself into an overly meek doormat. You can be intelligent, have a career, and even skip kids if you want, and still be red pill. This sub is mostly about finding the man that can take the lead and who you can compliment well.

Title	Recently discovered this sub, and having a really hard time disassembling the smart, "dominant" woman part of me.
Author	Garavila
Upvotes	9
Comments	29
Date	March 14, 2019 3:31 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/b0vgql/recently_discovered_this_sub_and_having_a_really/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/recently-discovered-this-sub-and-having-a-really.221913 https://theredarchive.com/post/221913

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