Submissive behaviour

timeforstretchpants · 2019-03-12T14:43:46+00:00

I don't see any reason why you'd need to submit to your friends, so maybe we are thinking of different definitions or are from different cultures.

But when people are telling you that you "know what you want and you're not afraid to make it known" that sounds like a loudmouth. There's a different between having opinions and always making sure everyone knows your opinions about every topic that comes up. Maybe you constantly push the group to do what you want to do. If this sounds like what your friends are saying to you, try keeping quiet. Instead of jumping in with your own preferences, ask what others think first. Then, actually listen patiently

Red-Curious · 2019-03-12T15:24:29+00:00

I always teach that the best qualities a man should look for in a woman are:

Faithful - That she is diligent with her responsibilities and puts into practice the things she learns, whether from her own self-improvement efforts, things her man tries to share with her, what she learns from life experience, etc. If a woman is not faithful to practicing what she preaches or what she learns, she is not submissive and is only interested in expressing herself rather than respecting others' expressions toward her.

Available - She has to have time to feed into the relationship. In an ideal world, the captain is steering the ship and the first officer makes herself available to him. How backwards would it be if, for example, Spock refused to show up on the bridge when Kirk called, instead expecting Kirk to change his shifts around to suit Spock's needs? If your man is on a mission beyond his pursuit of you - and he's not a good one if he's not - you should be willing to adjust your schedule to meet his needs, not demand that he meet yours. This is a point that many women miss out on, as most women are so self-entitled and flooded with male attention that they're used to the idea that men should bend over backwards to be with them. Healthy relationships are not built this way.

Teachable - Simply put: let your own beliefs be challenged and be willing to admit when you're wrong. Even if you're very confident in your belief, recognize that you might only be 98% confident and not 100% confident and respect the fact that there's still a 2% chance that you're wrong. I'd play the lottery a lot more if I had a 2% chance of winning every time. It's improbable, but still significant. Being teachable doesn't mean you cave all of your beliefs to whatever he teaches. It does mean that you're willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, entertaining his ideas and trying to understand them from his perspective BEFORE you start arguing against his points - and then, if you still disagree, believe and behave as you will. But if you insist on your own way all the time and are never willing to change your views to account for his perspective and a broader view of the world than your own individual view can see, this will be a serious hindrance and make a guy feel like he has no real authority in the relationship and that you don't respect his views or opinions.

Beyond those three core virtues, whether you believe everything it says or not, the Bible does have some good lessons to teach on the subject of submissiveness. While it's talked about in several places, I'll break down just one passage into bite-size sections, and hopefully this meets your request for a "set of points/ rules/ instructions." This is from 1 Peter 3:1-7.

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands

While this passage is only binding on the married, men often won't marry a woman who isn't displaying wife-like qualities before marriage as well, so there's a message here for single women too.

so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives

Most women use the phrase "strong personality" a sugar-coated way of saying they talk too much, much like the saying: "women don't sweat - they glisten." Sweat is sweat. Talking too much is talking too much.

Most often, the reason "strong personality women" talk too much is that they have an agenda and they want to persuade others of that agenda. This passage is suggesting that a better way to persuade a man is through your actions, not your words. Sound familiar? Basic RP concept: Watch what they do, not what they say.

[Bonus Points on doing over saying: Matthew 21:28-32]

when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

That is, the specific behaviors that are going to win a man over to you are purity and reverence. Purity, in this context, does not mean sexual purity - after all, he's talking to wives who absolutely should be having sex with their husbands. He means a purity in the way their lives are clean. If you talk with crass words constantly, or smoke a pack a day, or grind with numerous random dudes on the dance floor - while you're welcome to do these things, instead of communicating "I'm soft and submissive" it communicates "I'm bold and edgy." Bold and edgy might be a way to get a guy interested in you in the first place, as it can set you apart from other women and certain bold, edgy traits can accentuate your SMV - but it's not going to keep him on the hook for very long, and you just might find yourself more likely to hook up over one night stands than attract a viable candidate for a long term relationship.

As for reverence, this is talking about the way you honor others around you. If you try to dominate the conversation or be the center of attention all the time (some of the time is fine), it reeks of self-centeredness and entitlement and often shows little respect for those around you. Rather than stepping over others to dominate the floor, try empowering others. Two key things that can really help show your reverence for others:

When you have an opinion you want to share, 2 out of 3 times try stopping yourself, pick someone else in your group of friends, and ask that person: "What's your thought on that subject?" Bonus points if it's someone who doesn't share as much as others in the group.
Learn to manage your silence threshold. Everyone has one. It's the length of time a conversation can stay silent before you feel compelled to break the silence with your own talking. For some people it's 2 seconds. If they hear 2 seconds of pause, it feels uncomfortable for them, so they just speak up, feeling like they're keeping the conversation going. But if someone else has a threshold of 5 seconds, that person will rarely ever speak up because the 2-second person keeps interjecting before the 5 second person ever feels there's enough room in the conversation to share her thoughts. This used to be a big problem for me, as my threshold was 1-2 seconds for a long time. I intentionally started counting to 10 before answering questions in group setting in order to become better at listening. Surprisingly, while I thought that my "charismatic conversation skills" were winning people over to me through wit and banter (and it did), I had even better relational results when I started employing this technique, as others in the conversation felt like I respected and revered them rather than as if I was trying to impress them.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.

That's not to say these things are bad - they're wonderful. But if you rest too heavily on these things, it comes off as vanity.

Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

Again, this doesn't mean you should ignore physical beauty. It simply means that if you have no inner-beauty, your physical beauty won't get you very far. You'll be setting yourself up for a string of one night stands, never managing to maintain a guy in a relationship.

Inner-beauty here is defined as a gentle and quiet spirit. The whole "silence threshold" concept is one tactic of developing a quiet spirit. Avoiding coarse, demeaning, or insistent language is a way to develop gentility in how you communicate.

But even beyond talking, a gentle and quiet spirit is communicated best through mannerisms. Are you constantly waving your arms around or nudging people or making faces or rolling your eyes? Or are you respecting others' physical boundaries, maintaining composure through conversation, even when you hear things you don't like, and using softer means of physical contact? For example: if you sense that someone needs a hug, do you shout out: "Aw, come in here. You need a hug!" and then bear hug them, or do you walk quietly over, wrap your arms around and say, "It's okay, I'm here for you"?

For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.

That is, this is a time-tested and proven tradition for female behavior.

They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

In more historically remote cultures, they would have used the term "lord" instead of "captain" - the concept is the same. You ever watch a movie about King Arthur or Game of Thrones? You see this all the time: wives saying, "Yes, my lord" to their husbands. It is an acknowledgment of the authority structure in the home, communicating reverence for his leadership. I don't know many women who would even be willing to say, "Yes, my husband," with a straight face, much less "lord" or even "captain." But this was commonplace years ago - an aspect of historical culture that is lost in a modern feminized world.

More interestingly, though, is the final comment - that you must not only "do what is right," but also: "do not give way to fear." This is where most women slip up and start taking control. Instead of trusting their man to meet their needs, they feel they must take the reigns and get it done themselves. The idea of putting one's entire life on the line in order to "submit" to someone else's plan and trust for their provision is quite daunting. What fears are we talking about?

Can he put food on the table and pay the mortgage without you insisting on maintaining your career?
Will he ever actually take out the trash if you don't nag him?
Will he really treat you well if you choose not to reward yourself?
Will he provide for your emotional needs if you don't remind him to?

I'm sure you can think of many more, but I'm out of space. Hopefully this helps some.

sabrina-96 · 2019-03-12T21:48:51+00:00

To me being submissive is something, and being feminine is something else. Submission is accepting your man, respecting him, and trusting his decisions and being supportive. Sometimes when an argument happens we should try to handle it gently and sometimes submit our will and fear to God by trusting our husband's (which makes it very important to choose a good man imo) also it's about allowing your husband to lead.

We shouldn't however expect our friends to lead us. I think first place is God then our man then ourselves.

As for femininity, it's an amazing thing to be around everyone :) I was raised by a very tough tomboy stepmom so I had to teach myself everything. Some good books to start u off and some sites I like are

Elegantwoman.org for femininity and manners etc

Plainandnotsoplain.com for lots of godly wisdom and homemaking inspiration

And an online pdf u can find for free searching secrets of fascinating woman. It's awesome. Changed lives literally. It's like a story and lessons at the same time. A woman is almost going through a divorce then decides to join a woman's course and each week they take a lesson and transform everything around and there's other students with her too who are widowed or single etc it's for everyone and I love it.

eazolan · 2019-03-12T15:30:21+00:00

I don't find a strident behavior intimidating. What it does communicate is "I don't need you."

Who wants to be unneeded in a relationship?

Whisper · 2019-03-12T22:20:08+00:00

First, I recommend you quit bullshitting yourself. Anything that weighs 115lbs and smells like floral soap is not "intimidating".

Men are not afraid of you. They just don't like you.

The reason your girlfriends will not tell you this is that girls don't want to look mean. So they use the word "intimidating" as a flattering way to spin something that is much less flattering in truth.

You have a bossiness problem. Fix it or start adopting cats.

P4nd3x · 2019-03-12T14:53:30+00:00

Thought I’d drop my two cents on a SO who was very alpha.

She dominated at work, high salary, had her shit together, but when it came to our relationship it was a fucking ball ache.

I was strong enough to just about deal with her, but we would battle it out constantly and honestly it was exhausting.

I would always chose a submissive girl who is gentle in nature than a warrior/strong women.

It’s a lot of work being with a strong women, and in my experience I’ve often seen the roles reversed with strong women paired with weak men.

Anyway, hope that gives an insight from a guys perspective.

ding_ovens_ready_now · 2019-03-12T13:58:03+00:00

Only the weakest of beta males is ever intimidated by women. Men being intimidated by you is a myth spawned from our gynocentric feminist culture. That’s a hard red pill for many women to swallow after an entire lifetime of people blowing smoke up her ass. Any man worth your time will enjoy your strong personality. My husband loves mine, because he’s stronger than I am.

Letting go of your ego and belief in your specialness is the best start to becoming more submissive.

stripethrowaway · 2019-03-12T14:02:06+00:00

Honestly, I can easily be described as that as well. I'm not that girly either and I'm rather assertive when I see something I want. I also don't think those are bad traits to have.

Usually when I've seen people who are described as having "strong" personalities, they are the opinionated "put themselves out there" types. Maybe this is what the people around you mean?

If that's the case, then learning to make conversation where the main focus is on the other person might help, and listening instead of interjecting with opinions. (I'm so guilty of this lol)

Remember that "submissive" means a lot of different things to a lot of different people, so they might be trying to fit you into whatever box they've come up with and put a "submissive" label on and you're simply not that.

Don't forget that you may just meet the right man and find yourself submitting to him naturally. There's an instance where a lady with a very strong personality suddenly becomes a submissive and doting wife of a foreign man and all her girlfriends are up in arms over it on 90 day fiance.

collectijism · 2019-03-12T15:28:10+00:00

Force yourslef to smile in public. Trying to be inviting is key. You have to actively work to change the energy you project to others in private settings. Also i see alot of women trying to constantly be right. Theirs a saying in business. Lose the battle win the war. Your war is finding a good man the battles are you wanting to be right all the time and letting your ego get in your way. No one wants a know it all. Men don't want someone to compete with at home. Try and lose a debate on purpose give ground to someone admit your wrong. Dont worry about how it looks. Being percieved as dumb is actually what smart people do. Its way easier on your life than being someones whos always right and always alone in being right all the time.

NellieSantee · 2019-03-12T15:37:41+00:00

I'm not sure if this is the complete solution, but maybe a good tip is to just listen more than you speak. If you don't express all your opinions to people maybe you can come across as more agreeable. And maybe that exercise helps you actually get there for real.

toechter-aus-elysium · 2019-03-12T16:12:01+00:00

Maybe I didn't understand but why do you want to change your personality in the first place? To attract Alphas?

Title	Submissive behaviour
Author	Rasphodi
Upvotes	38
Comments	92
Date	March 12, 2019 1:20 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/b07plx/submissive_behaviour/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/submissive-behaviour.221666 https://theredarchive.com/post/221666

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