What am I doing wrong?

Jenneapolis · 2022-07-08T18:37:11+00:00

Something that stood out to me was your statement about being clingy but also not putting this on men and the fact about not complaining to them about anything until break up. I wonder if you are overcompensating for your feeling of clinginess by actually being too distant? I have been in this boat and the result of me not expressing any desires, not initiating conversations or dates out of fear of seeming “needy” was men feeling like they could not connect to me, I don’t care, or I didn’t have a personality. I was essentially over correcting in the wrong direction.

While of course men don’t want a clingy woman who complains all the time, they do want someone who expresses their desires in a respectful way and initiates things too so they don’t feel it’s one-sided and they are doing all the work. Maybe take a look into this.

CountTheBees · 2022-07-08T23:19:40+00:00

Well, for starters, you have very high standards that very few men meet. Women are hypergamous so by default anything you can do, he must do better. It takes a conscious act of self knowledge to realise what you can and cannot expect. These are the standards that I can pick out, and spot difficulties/inconsistencies with.

1) must be university educated

2) must be able to keep up in a conversation about Dostoyevsky and Nietzsche and finance

The above isn't hard to fulfil if you mingle with literary academics at universities or in generally high IQ communities a lot, but it sounds like you do no mingling at all.

3) He must earn above average

You look high maintenance in an expensive way - so guys that don't earn much will avoid you. And given that your first two requirements above actually fit a "poor academic" stereotype, this one rules a lot of those out. Dressing *down* may actually give you better results.

4) He must be Catholic

You put a lot of effort into your looks and try to look high class - this might turn faithful men off as it comes off as materialistic. It might also mean that these men are not drawn to universities/academia or business school. You'd need a pretty good Catholic-dar in your daily life to spot these.

5) He must be immediately interested in marriage

That last one rules out a lot of men your age. 23 year old men, no matter how Catholic, are not immediately interested in marriage, so you either get rid of that requirement and get together with a man you are willing to wait some years for, or you date older.

Also 23 is young, and I'd expect it to take some time to find someone compatible with yourself, because you have very high standards. That translates to many, many rejected suitors. So the path you're on is actually what I'd expect.

Finally, you mentioned many red flags about yourself in your post which others have already commented on (no friends, poor mental health, inability to communicate in a relationship). These require real effort to work on and improve.

ladida1321 · 2022-07-08T20:20:34+00:00

As other have echoed- your education, your economic status, the expensive clothing you wear are meaningless to most men.

You need some friends! You need some fun in your life! You’re only 23- the best time in your life to be spontaneous and exciting.

What is attractive is a woman who is social, happy, exciting, fun, confident, smart, interesting, kind and patient.

You’ve got the banging body and the beautiful face- now you just need to work on your social skills and get a social circle, best case you will have a much easier time meeting prospects, worse case you’ll still be single but at least you’ll have made some new friends and will be having a lot more fun in your life.

Step one: join some clubs, find some social hobbies and be brave - talk to other women who seem to be interested in the same things you are. Practice makes perfect. It will feel uncomfortable and awkward at first but the more outgoing and confident you are the more likely you are to succeed in making friends.

You got this!

LadySandcastle · 2022-07-08T18:05:30+00:00

I would check out this pages vetting resources to help you weed out the low value men.

Also men don't typically care about your economic status or your education (some men want you to at least be college educated but don't particularly care on what).

Can you cook? Clean? Are you good at decorating? Are you fun to be around/know how to act playful and make him light up? Men want a woman who provides a soft place to land at the end of the day, and having respect for him is most important.

You don't have to go clubbing if you don't want to, surely there are church events or other charity things you could go to in order to find a man of similar faith?

CodnmeDuchess · 2022-07-08T18:26:22+00:00

Your problem is you’re boring. The vast majority of men have no desire to settle down with a conservative religious girl at 23, and the ones that do are also conservative and religious, so if your aren’t in a conservative religious enclave, you’re going to have a bad time. The other option is to find an older man who is looking for a young homemaker type I guess. But if your dating preferences are a laundry list of things that exclude the majority of people available to you, you’re gonna be single for a long time. Even you said, you have 4-5 options…that’s not good. I see a lot of women on this sub making very conclusory statements about “what men want,” and most of them are laughably wrong. Some men may want that, but most of those men are in the 50s, so you’ll have to invent a time machine to access them, and even then, that’s mostly a false narrative about the “good old days” promulgated through media. So either you just be good with being single and work on achieving something for yourself other than simply finding a man to take care of you (business school is a good start!) or you’re going to have to make other types of concessions to be with find someone who will match your values, otherwise your pool of potential partners is going to be impossibly small until you’re in your 30s at least.

YourBoyPet · 2022-07-09T04:37:50+00:00

I would say focus on making friends first. Not only because its important and fun. But it's also one of the most common ways people find their partner. Your friend suggesting you and one of her male acquaintances talk to each other is the closest thing to arranged marriage in the western world.

You're religious so I suggest you get involved in that and try finding connections that way for example.

Hope everything works out. It's a very common phenomenon that people think getting into a relationship will fix all their problems. Its definitely not the case.

Significant_Idea_663 · 2022-07-09T10:01:05+00:00

You are not meeting enough men in relaxed social situations. You are (obviously) not happy. You are waiting to be contacted. So start meeting more people in public and social situations, get invited to get togethers and formal meetups. Initiate friendship. Be happy and enjoy your life. Whether the clock ticks or not, as long as you are doing your best, to God leave the rest. Take care of your looks, go to gym, avoid excessive makeup like plague or do not use makeup. Walk tall and be confident. Show men you care about them, even the married ones, have a great reputation. You never know who they can introduce you to. Never take dating advise from people who are unsuccessful in relationships. Learn a new language. Avoid Thots…Bon voyage, [male perspective here].

Screechowlluv · 2022-07-08T21:49:22+00:00

Just be yourself.

beemovienumber1fan · 2022-07-09T13:53:53+00:00

Work on your mental health and social skills. When you exude self-love and confidence, the world opens up to you. You can be social without forcing yourself to be something you're not. It's about being curious about people and genuine about who you are.

You mention wanting to be "saved". From what? I used to want to be saved too. It's not a healthy mindset and will lead to you suppressing your true self to bend to what you think he wants. But a high value man will be turned off by that. He wants to know who YOU are.

Tkuhug · 2022-07-09T14:09:51+00:00

I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong, you’re just trying to find the best person for you. Since you’re religious, do you already attend church regularly? Great socialization and opportunity to make friends there, and also someone might know someone there who you might be interested in.

If going to church isn’t your thing, there are some sites like Meetup, or HeyVina! for girlfriends!

Best of luck!

Title	What am I doing wrong?
Author	PsychologicalDiet465
Upvotes	34
Comments	20
Date	July 8, 2022 5:11 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/vufoc0/what_am_i_doing_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-am-i-doing-wrong.1122559 https://theredarchive.com/post/1122559

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