What are red flags in a man?

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-04-27T20:42:43+00:00

The inability to fight fairly is a red flag we don't discuss much here. We can get so caught up in discussing the ideal of communicating so well that we never fight, but I bet every married woman here can tell you that's just not true. If he can't fight without hitting below the belt, he's not a leader. Other red flags worth noting:

Financial trouble - This can be job hopping, so he lacks financial stability, gambling, spending beyond his means, and while I do think this sub has some wildly unrealistic expectations for the income of high value men, making too little money to support himself is still a red flag. I'll admit, I wouldn't date teachers, because I have a degree in education and knew they didn't make enough money to have three or four kids, like I wanted.

Addiction - This is pretty obvious, but a guy who can't have a good time without being under the influence is not someone you want to marry. Usage can go up or down with stress, naturally, but keep an eye out. Porn falls under this header, too. Decide how you feel about it and hold that line.

Lack of Emotional Control - If he loses his temper or gets upset disproportionately to the situation on a regular basis, don't raise children with him.

Differing Values - Men don't veil their feelings about politics, women, relationships, religion, or really anything the way women do. If he says he doesn't think women are as smart as men, that SAHM's are lazy, that he doesn't want kids, that he wants six kids, he doesn't believe in God, or anything that just doesn't mesh with how you view the world or your future, pay attention. Don't tell yourself he's great otherwise.

Unchecked Mental Health Issues - There are a lot of signs of this. All of the above could be included. Other signs would be an inability to hold a job, maintain healthy friendships, always being the victim. If every woman he's dated was "crazy" or "abusive" or all of his bosses are assholes, that's not normal. Blaming you for his problems, threatening self-harm or suicide, and just outright blaming his mental health issues for poor behavior are all red flags on fire.

That's my short list. Just pay attention. You're vetting in the dating stage. Act like it.

cbunni666 · 2023-04-27T20:12:07+00:00

All of that is a red flag. He's trying to ruin any form of your self esteem so you don't ever leave. It's a horrible manipulation tactic abusers do. You will find love in someone that will respect you. Keep that guy as an ex .

4rosesforyou · 2023-04-28T00:05:27+00:00

He sounds emotionally abusive

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-04-27T20:32:19+00:00

>My ex, overall, was good

>He would say mean things like “you’d make a mid mother and you won’t be a good wife"

>I'm scared I won’t find love again

>I'm so afraid of being alone

Read the whole wiki: https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents/

And then come back with the questions you're going to have after that.

It'll probably take a while for you to understand this, but your hot-cold ex created an emotional rollercoaster that spawned the "in love" emotional state you're looking for. There are healthy emotional theme parks out there, to extend the analogy, but finding them is generally referred to as "vetting" around here.

Vetting Requirement for the Family-Minded #1: He wants to get married and have kids.

The entirety of the pre-marriage relationship is about determining if you want to get married and have kids with him, and if he wants to get married and have kids with you. At whatever point one of you realizes this is not the case, you should end the relationship so as to not waste more valuable years not pursuing your goals. That's not even a "red flag"; it's just the end of anything useful potentially occurring.

If you don't have the sense of self to walk away from a relationship where you know nothing useful is potentially occurring, or if your fear keeps you in denial of the reality nothing useful is potentially occurring, then you may need to do some self-work for your own sake. Something like rapid-fire dating where you deliberately go do a handful of dates from apps in the next two weeks that you know won't turn out and then practice turning them down afterwards might help. After that you can focus on meeting guys you might actually like, with the "practice" of ending things (at however a minor stage) under your belt.

Dehydrated_Jellyfish · 2023-04-27T21:11:32+00:00

He’s shooting bombs at you when you are weak.

I thought I was stupid too when I was in a toxic relationship and my hormones were messed up. But then I got out, got therapy, and got healthy. I then took in IQ test putting me in the top 30% IQ. Your environment can affect how your brain functions. You sound like you need therapy. He sounds like he might have a personality disorder.

Nervous_Proposal_574 · 2023-04-27T20:28:39+00:00

You are not the problem, find some one worthy of you who treats you well.

tradfemme · 2023-04-28T05:05:19+00:00

Calling you names is straight up verbal abuse. Unless he changes this problematic attitude, it will only get worse and get exacerbated once stressful things become more frequent in the future, such as having children. If he can be verbally abusive to you, I wouldn't be surprised if he will be verbally abusive towards your future children. As someone who has had gone through verbal abuse growing up, I cannot underestimate enough how damaging this is to one's self-esteem and mental health.

But I would want you to ask yourself this question: why and what are your reasons for staying in this relationship?

Brakina · 2023-04-28T13:49:31+00:00

That is definitely a form of verbal and emotional abuse. He kicking you down while you’re putting your hand out (being vulnerable) for him to help you get back up. Toxic behaviour, definitely not worth your energy. You deserve better!

Majestic-Newspaper59 · 2023-04-29T22:06:30+00:00

Red flags: Not getting along with his family Leaving multiple jobs in a short time frame because of work environment Has kids he doesn’t talk too Excessive, drinking or drug use Won’t stick up for you

AutoModerator · 2023-04-27T19:52:34+00:00

Title: What are red flags in a man?

Full text: I recently made a post in here on how I’m leaving my longterm relationship. As many of you know this is a hard decision to come by. My ex, overall, was good. I just struggled when we’d argue he would say mean things like “you’d make a mid mother and you won’t be a good wife.” He knows how I dream about being a mom & wife one day. He also says things like “maybe we’re breaking up because you have such a low iq.”

I think I must be stupid because I consider staying when things seem “okay”. But deep down Im scared to have children with a man like that. I don’t want them to be dysfunctional or see a dysfunctional dynamic between him & I.

I wish someone can tell me it will be okay. Im scared I won’t find love again. Im scared I’ll be stuck. He says I have nothing to bring to the table since I was raised in a dysfunctional household & struggle with cooking, although I can clean.

Im so afraid. Afraid of being alone & afraid Im the problem & can’t find a good man.

Please, what are red flags? What should I be aware of?

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

saddensgirl · 2023-04-28T03:58:34+00:00

Yelling at the waitress in a restaurant because their food is touching on the plate. This happened to me with a guy I was seeing and I went no contact the same night after he dropped me off at home. If they can't respect service people then they are not going to respect you or anyone else.

hipopper · 2023-04-28T13:35:40+00:00

His friends are jerks.

ToothAccomplished808 · 2023-05-02T10:21:46+00:00

I’m a guy, I’ve been in the redpill community for men which is a bunch of ballshit, also been in the pick up artist community which, has some positives if you have a good mentor

I would suggest if you want to understand yourself try coach Corey Wayne he coaches men and women, on having healthy realtionships and Boundires, you sound simalar to me in a sense,

But yeah, I’m just in this group cause I want to understand what women are going through so I can better understand there dynamics too

ToothAccomplished808 · 2023-05-04T09:42:38+00:00

Why’s that? I was just giving a perspective/opinion Not hating or being a (d1ck btw)

Title	What are red flags in a man?
Author	Original-Pineapple58
Upvotes	25
Comments	28
Date	April 27, 2023 7:52 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/13148hi/what_are_red_flags_in_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-are-red-flags-in-a-man.1217041 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217041

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