What do you do best?

Kara__El · 2018-09-18T16:47:33+00:00

We're really good with our finances, communicating goals and following through. Neither of us really overspends more than the other and we talk through any big purchases. I think the fact that we both lived on our own for a few years, and truly understand what things cost and that resources are finite, helps us.

We use a joint email, of the format hisfirstname.myfirstname.ourlastname@gmail for all of our bills. If I schedule a payment, he sees the email confirmation and we never forget whose email we use as a login. It's been so handy from day one. I am typically the organizer of the finances, scheduling payments and such, simply because I'm more organized, so it's nice that he's kept in the loop.

We generally discuss any fast food lunch purchases before we make them, because we both agree that that's a huge waste of money and should be reserved for when we don't have other options, since we each go home for lunch. This cuts way down on what is a surprisingly large expenditure for most coupes. We're not overly concerned with small purchases, typically, but daily trips to McDonald's add up, both financially and calorically.

durtyknees · 2018-09-18T19:24:39+00:00

Disclaimer (for any new members reading this) : what I'm about to ramble on may or may not be "RPW", so if you can't tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, it's safest to assume everything I say is bad advice.

What are your strengths as a couple?

Communication. We're the only couple we know who never argue, and even our disagreements are brief because we're both robots who are more concerned about facts than feelings lol
Sexual compatibility.

Do you do anything special?

Short version: excessive vetting, mutual self-criticism, and mutual self-correction.

Long version:

My husband and I started out as friends in highschool. We got along well, but we were both not "fully developed" yet, so although there was sexual attraction since Day 1, we weren't interested in having a relationship, and we didn't want to ruin our friendship with sex (you could say we both loathe risking any drama).

We remained friends while we dated other people, so this probably means we orbited each other, by RP standards :p

In time, we became best friends, and we both extensively discussed our relationship experiences as best friends.

In hindsight, I suppose you could say we used all our exes as guineapigs to find out "who we are" and what we want in a relationship (what worked, what didn't, and how we could improve to get what we want).

I was a happy serial monogamist (didn't ride the cock carousel because I was raised Catholic, and some values die hard, but you could say I went for the other "ride" :p), and he was a heartbreaker.

In the process of this, we also "grew up" heavily influenced by each other, and it became impossible for us to deny that logically, after all that time, we're literally each other's best match (not only best friends) :p

What tips do you have for other couples?

Not for couples, but for individuals:

Focus on excelling at vetting.
- This means you need to know what you want, and be a good judge of character so you can trust your own decisions.
  - Do whatever you need to do, to figure this out, because without this solid ground to stand on, you will aimlessly drift from one frustrating relationship to the other, and before you know it, your eggs are dying.
- Never waste your time trying to "fix" or "save" a relationship with a man you're not married to. Do your best (assuming you're using all the RPW sidebar advice to the best of your ability), and if it's still not good enough, leave.
If your man has a female best friend, and she's either bi or straight, do not proceed with your relationship with him :p
- RP sneers at women who have many male friends because it's not advantageous for men to date such women.
- A calculative woman who knows what she wants, with many male friends, is a woman who's able to do mass long term (excessive) vetting: you truly see a man for who he is, when he's a platonic friend, because he thinks he's in the "friendzone" and is already rejected.
  - This allows her to enjoy a wonderful experience dating with abundance mentality, and because of this, any man she dates is at a disadvantage. (And my advice to men reading this: stay away from high libido, cheerful, carefree women who are serial monogamists, unless you're the type of man who likes a challenge, or misery :p)

redwatch95 · 2018-09-18T18:45:08+00:00

We’re both really good at maintaining our LDR even when it’s hard. We know it’s better for us long term to be apart and we embrace it!

(He sent me flowers and a cake for my family on my birthday yesterday! Made me feel so loved 😍)

KittenLoves_ · 2018-09-18T17:35:08+00:00

Ooh, a chance to brag! ;)

I think one of the great things we're good at is working together on renovations and various manual projects. We recently built a retaining wall out of stone - not brick - so we had to work together to sort out which pieces of rock could fit in what area, and then when laying them, one of us would pour the cement and the other would lay the stone. This isn't the first thing we've done together (we built a staircase in a slope outside, built a half-wall/bar in the kitchen, etc) but it was probably the most complicated and I know we're both very proud of how it turned out.

jennmannequin · 2018-09-18T18:08:30+00:00

I think we are good at keeping each other accountable. We've both been. Working really hard on getting into better shape. I take care of meals and he motivates us to get up and get moving. I'm in the best shape I've been thanks to him and it's only getting better!!!

vintagegirlgame · 2018-09-18T18:48:44+00:00

We’re good at working together. I basically work for him and we’ve done a lot of business projects together. There are challenges but it’s really rewarding, and something rare for couples to actually pull off and to do it long term (8 years).

Also good at traveling together. We’ve been so many places all over the world and have had countless amazing experiences. We like to travel in an exotic place for a month at a time. We’re good at traveling on a budget but making the most out of our experiences.

Pixie0310 · 2018-09-19T15:08:59+00:00

This is a nice, positive question! I like!

Our strengths:

- Business. When we met, he was saving cash but basically had nothing. I was sitting on some cash but basically had nothing. I had a small business that was making me less than a part-time job. Since we've met, we bought a house which we now rent out and we invested & grew the business into a respectable full-time income - and it's still growing. We're growing our assets, and saving for the next house. I have a head for details and creativity, he has a head for numbers. We're both hard workers.

- Making up for where the other lacks. I have social skills, calmness, a peaceful nature - but I'm timid, can be slow moving, and slow to decide. He is dynamic, quick-thinking, and instinctual - but he can be short-tempered and quick to make regrettable choices.

- Sexual attraction. Insane chemistry.

- Successfully navigated a mostly-LDR relationship for almost 3 years, about to get married and immigrate!

I think if I had to give a tip, it would be not to take the other so seriously - especially when / if you feel insulted. Everyone is so quick to get offended and insulted. People are imperfect. They will say and do things you don't like - even if they are your partner. When totally necessary, say what you need to say about it, then move on. Get over it. Let it go. Don't hold grudges, don't overthink it, and don't let it spoil your day. If this really is the person you love, and want to be with - grow a thicker skin. Don't let someone insult or abuse you, but don't sweat the small stuff. Because a lot of it really is small stuff.

cynicalhousewife · 2018-09-20T19:42:55+00:00

We are really good at compromise and discussion. We rarely argue, and if we do, we have always seem to work out a way to overcome our differences eventually. I found a very mature, very rational, very capable, very logical, flexible man who focuses on solving problems rather than getting caught up in things he cannot control. He has really bought out the best in me and my relationship with him has made me grow so much as a person.

I feel I can't give any tips, as what works for us might not work for every other couple. So far my husband is the only relationship I have had that is this harmonious. I obviously don't get along with a lot of other people and I think that's because I am so direct with them. I don't like playing games and I don't enjoy having a filter. I have pretty much zero need for sentimentality in my life. My husband is the same. We have so many similarities in the way that we communicate with people. What has bought us together has made me incompatible with so many men. I am very happy to have found my husband instead of ending up with someone that I cannot be myself around.

GingerDoughGirl · 2018-09-21T03:17:09+00:00

We are great at communication and talking through things. Sexual compatibility is a big strength in our relationship and I feel that our approach to managing finances is both more peaceful and well controlled than any of the other couples we know in real life. We are also genuinely happy in our relationship, which I think is a huge strength that not a lot of couples around us have.

artemis286 · 2018-09-18T19:35:35+00:00

We are good at communication in general. We practice "content communication", where we take individual responsibility to communicate in a way that we cannot be misunderstood, with kindness and respect. We don't hint drop, imply things, or use the tone of our voice to give indirect or conflicting messages. We say what we mean, and ask for what we need explicitly, and always use respectful and kind words.

We don't use accusations, we don't demean each other, we don't use put-downs, we don't raise our voices, and we don't expect the other person so see everything the way we do or read our minds.

We respect and value that we each have different perspectives, and that's okay. It's not to say we've never disagreed, we have. We've just never fought over having different opinions, we are able to talk about them together. We try to keep everything as positive as possible, avoid needless complaining or whining, and focus on solutions to issues. But we also feel that we can openly share everything with each other, including negative things, and be entirely and completely supported by the other person.

We are only 23, and have been married for a year and half, and have been together for 2 years and some change. We are often told by people that they think we are newlyweds because we are very lovey-dovey and happy around each other, or that we are much older than we actually are because of our communication skills. Some of it is just naturally the way we are, we aren't angry, aggressive, or argumentative people. But more of it is our willingness to learn, be open to improvement, and valuing our marriage as our top priority.

My advice would be to learn and practice now. Whether you are dating, engaged, or married. Learn about solid positive communication tools. Take complete responsibly for all words that you say, and respect that others will communicate and understand differently than you. Accept that your perspective is not how others see things, and that just because you see things a particular way does not mean you're right or that you know best. Cultivate humility. Actively learn and apply ways to minimize contention, while still being able to communicate your wants and needs graciously and kindly.

MissRatatouille · 2018-09-21T10:15:04+00:00

Not that we are particularly frugal, but we both have excellent credit scores and no debt aside from our shared mortgage. Our friends who all have recently purchased homes as well were a little skeptical about our first home, as it is not a starter home by any means, but it was a priority for us. We don’t drive new cars, we don’t have designer wardrobes, I rarely wear expensive makeup, and we usually pack our lunches.The things we do aren’t really sacrifices, just our lifestyle that we naturally adopted. If one of us wants to make a large purchase we have the ability to do so without it affecting our finances. I’ve found that many couples have a reasonable spender and an excessive spender, but in our case we are very equal. We never fight about money, purchases, or bills and it’s one of the things I’m most proud of about us. I don’t think there is any advice I can give for couples who have very different financial styles but if you are vetting, look for someone with similar spending habits as yourself.

Financial compatibility may be too practical so I’ll also mention our unconditional support for each other’s goals. I supported my husband’s career change even though it meant both of us starting brand new jobs with a newborn at home. Others had many comments about it but I simply said to them: “I just want my husband to be happy with his job.” Likewise my husband has been my emotional rock, especially when I was pregnant in nursing school. I think it’s easy to be supportive of someone when you truly have 100% faith in their capabilities. If you have doubts about supporting your partner then it’s probably best to fake it til ya make it, because negativity will only breed poor outcomes. I believe Laura Doyle touches on self-fulfilling prophecies in one of her books when she recommends saying to an angry husband “it’s not like you to lose your temper.”

Wow this got verbose quickly but I really was excited to share in the positivity of this post! I’m interested in what others have to say about our weaker areas, like communication.

Olaf_Bezerker · 2018-10-06T18:51:07+00:00

We are very good at fighting, and finances.

When we fight, we're really good at staying calm and fighting fairly. No personal attacks or name calling, no yelling. When we get heated, we know how to walk away and come back. We didn't used to be good at this. I used to get really emotional and cry or yell. We still slip up now, but we're really good at vocalizing feelings in calm words now instead of blurting them out in the moment in their raw emotional forms.

With finances, we've just always been good at this. We have been together for almost 10 years now, and have been both very poor and very wealthy. Now we spend more on certain things but we still have some "poor college student habits" that we hang onto even though we could spend more money now. We have saved a ton of cash in recent years and are debt free except for our mortgage.

Title	What do you do best?
Author	Kara__El
Upvotes	9
Comments	12
Date	September 18, 2018 4:42 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/9gwgwh/what_do_you_do_best/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-do-you-do-best.67630 https://theredarchive.com/post/67630

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