Being nice is biologically a "submissive" behavior

Before I start, let me get something straight: I try to be what society considers to be “nice” to people who deserve it. I don’t lie, cheat or steal from anybody, I don’t make promises I can’t keep, and I try to not act shitty people to people or make them feel bad. I act enthusiastic when I talk to people; I look them in the eye, listen to what they’re saying, and try to have a fun, meaningful conversation. I try to be a good person and treat people the way I want to be treated.

But, I will say this: the behaviors that we think of nice are biologically submissive. And you shouldn’t do biologically submissive behaviors in front of girls because they don’t like it. Let me explain why. In a perfect world, human beings would be equal and treat each other as equals. But evolution has caused human nature to be wired to see the world as a power struggle. We are not biologically programmed to see people as our equals, but rather to see the human community as a hierarchy, with each human receiving a rank in the hierarchy. In fact, scientists have observed that in bonobo communities every bonobo has a ranking and if a lower-ranked ape challenges a higher-ranked ape not only does the higher-ranked ape freak out, ALL OF THE OTHER BONOBOS freak out. Everybody in the tribe is wired to respect and accept the hierarchy.

Men, however, also have a drive to become the alpha male, which is the #1 spot in the hierarchy. Because men have an innate desire to fight each other to become the alpha male, human communities have developed a set of behaviors that we call “being nice” so that men can interact and live alongside each other without fighting.

One example of being nice is shaking hands. We know that shaking hands has existed since at least ancient Greece as a way of showing peace by demonstrating that the hand holds no weapon. This makes perfect sense – in a tribal, pre-modern culture, when one man meets another man, he needs some of way of knowing that the other guy isn’t going to kill him – the handshake.

Well, men have developed a wide set of behaviors to show peace that I will call the “emotional handshake.” These behaviors are all submissive and are meant to show the other guy that you aren’t trying to attack him. These behaviors include smiling, shaking hands, exchanging gifts, bowing, offering fealty, etc... After one guy extends the emotional handshake the other guy does the same thing to also show that he does not want to attack. That way, both men can cooperate and live in peace. It kind of sucks to think that smiling and being nice are “submissive” behaviors, but science has borne this out. One study even showed that martial fighters and boxers who smiled at their opponent before a fight were more likely to lose.

Now here is the thing: no man really wants to be “submissive” to another man – we all deep down want to be the alpha male. But we do submissive, “nice” things to show that we are not a threat, and they do the same, and the parties then live in a weird harmony until somebody fucks it up. If you go to underdeveloped countries and wild, lawless, tribal areas the emotional handshake is even more effusive. In Persian culture, when one man greets another man he says incredibly submissive things like “Hello great one, I am your slave.” And then the other guy says “No, I am YOUR slave” and they continue saying things like that. Of course, no party really wants to be the other person’s slave – but they say these things to prove that they are friendly and not hostile. In Japan the parties bow – a submissive gesture – to prove that they are on the same page. Now most people don’t know the history of being nice or the reason for it – we just are taught from a young age that “it is good to be nice.” But men learn to “be nice” to avoid conflict and you quickly learn that when a guy isn’t “being nice” then he is going to start some trouble or even fight. We are wired with very sensitive emotions to be able to tell when somebody doesn’t like us or wants to take our spot.

Which leads us to a big problem men have. Because men have been taught to “be nice” to people who they “like” they naturally display submissive behaviors to women hoping that women will like them back. But the problem is this – women don’t have that same desire to be the alpha male. Women WANT to be the lower-ranked ape in the hierarchy – they WANT to be submissive. So they are not attracted to the “nice” guy.

As a man, you have to have a different emotional language for men that you do for women. For men, you have to be “nice” to show that you don’t want to attack them or subjugate them. For women, you have to talk to them as if you’ve already subjugated them. Women are attracted to men that are ranked higher than them in the hierarchy and are already the “master.” Here is the controversial, misogynistic part: YOU HAVE TO TALK TO WOMEN LIKE THEY ARE YOUR SERVANTS or SLAVES.

Ok, so back up. All this we have been talking about so far are subconscious emotions. In their logical brain women don’t think they want to be “slaves.” So don’t come out and say anything blatant or explicit to make a woman think you are trying to talk down to her or control her or make her feel inferior. This is all subconscious. On the surface, you have to look like a guy who believes in equality. I tell women I’m a feminist – but I subconsciously communicate with them in a way that they have already agreed that they are my servant.

Secondly, women are free to be the “slaves” of whoever they want, so you have to make the case that you are the best slave master. By definition, the best slave master has a lot of slaves, so you can’t act needy, or jealous, or possessive of this one slave. If a woman says “I’m going to go hang out with my friends” you say “ok, bye.” You have to let her know that you have lots of other slaves that you can use so she is lucky to just be in your “harem.” You should be also a “nice” slave master in the sense that you don’t mistreat your servants, etc...

All this advice will be hard for you to implement because you have been taught your entire life to be “nice” to people to get what you want. And you should. Be nice to your teachers, parents, friends, etc... But just don’t be “nice” to women you want to bang because they don’t like it. It will take a lot of conditioning to snap yourself out of it.