Summary:

Take the next 15 minutes and critically investigate where your happiness and validation came from as a child. Was it your parents, specifically your father or mother? Siblings? Friends?

Body:

Today has been a major epiphany morning for me. Realized 'game', lifting, and all the self improvement in the world is nothing if you aren't having fun doing it. Essentially, what is "fun"? It's such a bullshit, vague world. Fun is happiness really. Now how to do breed longterm, sustained happiness? - through PROGRESS. [Segway to a Tony Robbins video].

If you're lifting and don't see gains, you're not motivated. It takes willpower to keep going. Then you feel strong, see tangible results on a scale or in the mirror. The morale boost is there, it takes less willpower, and it's easier to workout. It's a small, but noticeable boost because it's internal validation.

The next day, Terry, your beta bud at work notices your jackness. "Bro, you been lifting or something?" This triggers a bigger response than before.

One day, Jenny, your boss's sexy secretary notices your gains, and comments on the change. "Wow, Joe, have you been working out?" That's all it takes. All of a sudden no willpower is needed, you're just in the gym with a smile on your face moving heavy objects around. The external validation triggers a huge response, especially from women.

So this had me thinking, most people feed off of external validation more than internal. Women's validation hits you harder than male validation. I recently started a Youtube Channel. When I post my videos on Facebook, which have been increasing in quality/editing, when I see the likes go up, the comments, my dopamine receptors go nuts. Why?

I looked at my childhood vs what I assume others had as childhoods and found a staggering shock. I was an only child with a hugely beta father and supportive, loving, caring mother. When I got straight A's, my mom would hug me, treat me to ice cream, and reward me. I directly linked my happiness to a woman's satisfaction with me.

I played ice hockey and when I would try hard, give it my all, or score, my mom would congratulate me and tell me I'm getting better. Again, linking my happiness to a woman's. The list can go on and on. Everything I did, I would strive for the validation of mother. If I failed, I received poor feedback - got yelled at, toys taken away, or whatever.

Today, a 27 year old male, I am STILL seeking the validation of mother. In some forms this is direct - if I get a promotion, I look to her for validation for it. In other forms, mother takes on the shape of Jenny at the office, some girl I'm dating, or an LTR. This fucks up your head. This mindset traumatizes us with women. Although Jenny cares about your gains because it makes her tingle inside that you can fuck her brains out, Jenny doesn't care about you like mother does. You seek her approval in other things and Jenny doesn't give a shit really. In fact, it appalls her when you do this, resulting in flakes, rejections, and overall discontent.

My childhood might be different that yours. Please chime in if you had alpha fathers who congratulated you on throwing the touchdown pass of the century at the homecoming game, or brothers and other MALE figures who validated your progress. In theory, I think this would pull you more towards a male validation thinking, or at least balance out the female portion.

Lesson Learned:

A good step in fixing a problem is understand how it works. Remember the epiphany moment when you understood you have approach anxiety because Caveman Bob got clubbed to death when he approached Cavewoman Alice, who was being fucked by Alpha Caveman Chad? Your ancestors, who feared Chad, survived and produced you over millennia. Bob's offspring died in his ballsack with him.

Once you realize why you seek validation from women, it is easier to reprogram your mind to not.