Establishing boundaries. Are they reasonable?

Lake_Silent · 2023-12-08T20:12:26+00:00

"I don't date girls that stay in contact with all their exes" - done. She keeps texting him? Next...

319Skew · 2023-12-08T21:22:22+00:00

OP : How do I act enforce Redpill ideas but live in my bluepill fantasy? I'm only open to ideas that reinforce my fantasy.

Help before mods delete this.

OP, if you are reading this - you don't "make rules for her".

Have rules for how you'll behave and act on them. Don't say. Show. Also quit this bullshit about how she's some special girl that wouldn't leave you because. You've been together for what 6 months?

You're as Redpill as a Vagasil commercial.

Edit: Saw OP post history. Good luck OP. Good fucking luck...

thetonybvd · 2023-12-08T20:01:21+00:00

She's alphawidowed into oblivion. She still talks "as a friend" to the worst kind of man a girl should be attracted to. 🚩🚩

Until they have a kid together, she hasn't moved on yet. Women tend to not like, forget, not forgiving, and doesn't want to talk to an ex who cheated 7 times.

And you will know the relevance of my comment if both of you breakup one day, is she will still talking to you or you'll be blocked everywhere instantly ?

pyth0ns · 2023-12-08T21:26:19+00:00

"Let me be clear that I trust her and she's very much into me. She's talking about having a family with me, getting married, that god sent her to my country to find me, that I'm perfect etc. So I'm not worried about other guys, I think the points I made above are just inappropriate and also disrespectful."

You poor, delusional SAP.

A girl says what YOU have always wanted to hear and you become putty.

Clearly YOU have no boundaries and are fine with her texting her ex, otherwise she would have become a plate immediately - without the need of you posting on this RP forum!

How many people, like you, don't come to grasps that someone whom did nothing but bad mouth person X - yet still actively seeks to communicate with them - is bad business and in no way relationship worthy... Is beyond me.

ThrowawayYAYAY2002 · 2023-12-08T22:59:22+00:00

Move on.

He can have her any time he wants. When he does, and he will have her, you will be seriously regretting not listening to the advice you've received here.

videogames_ · 2023-12-08T22:06:07+00:00

You’re reasonable. No one should keep in contact with anyone that cheated on them 7 times.

buschlatte21 · 2023-12-08T19:46:34+00:00

Women don’t respond to what you say they respond to how you act.

AnonTheGreat01 · 2023-12-08T21:21:47+00:00

Let me be clear that I trust her and she's very much into me.

🧢

I'm not worried about other guys

🧢🧢

What you're doing is just mate guarding. It doesn't work if you try setting these rules from a place of insecurity. Also, if she doesn't do these things by herself you should know it's not gonna last anyway. Just spin her as a plate.

papiwithbeard · 2023-12-09T08:04:30+00:00

Oh buddy setting boundaries is some blue pill shit. You won’t wanna hear this but - if you need to set these boundaries verbally you already lost the case. Moreover, getting hung up about it and demanding those things will only make you look weaker in her eyes, compounding the issue. You either are confident in your own skin and don’t care and just dump her if she offends you/ the woman would not do these things in the first place because she doesn’t wanna lose you. You instead chose to be insecure about it, to see her past lovers as a competition you were so concerned about that you had to set up artificial rules. If you were confident about your value you wouldn’t waste a single thought about her past and just leave her if she didn’t fit your value anymore.

Plus the whole “believe me she’s very much into me” paragraph alone kinda shows that you’re trying to talk yourself into it and avoid having to dump her because deep down you know that you’ve messed up here.

hitlicks4aliving · 2023-12-09T03:21:55+00:00

She’s for the skreets sorry man Either drop her or get that in your head so when it gets worse you aren’t shaken up

Bitter_Virus · 2023-12-09T05:00:24+00:00

It doesn't matter what kind of backdoor he has in her mind. You're looking at a 10y/o relationship against your 6 month and you're building a shell around your insecurities. It's not "do this or you can't be with me because it's disrespectful" it should be "when you do this again I won't be with you anymore" whole being with her regardless of who she's talking about.

It's easy to slip and believe our own thoughts about the reasons why we do what we do and you can be certain that the people who don't see eyes to eyes are wrong about you because of it: you believe yourself. You're fooling yourself.

We don't want to cage people so that we can affirm we are the respected alpha male, we want to pursue our mission and the privilege of standing by our side goes to the women who follow us by themselves.

Garbage to all your rules, that's not a frame. Tell her that for you speaking to an ex is absolutely unacceptable and move on with your day. Next time she talk about speaking to him you can tell her you guys are taking a break.

She follow or she don't, it's that simple. Not attack your insecurities instead of defending yourself against what you don't want to be.

Leonhart93 · 2023-12-08T19:49:46+00:00

Yes to everything, but she should be the one realizing that all of those only bring problems in relationships. I understand that the current programming runs very deep, but still her attitude blows. Talking with a BF that cheated on her a lot? Holy hell, talk about alpha widowed.

Even if she agrees with your terms to keep an eye on her reaction. You may wake up being called the standard "insecure" at the first sign of an argument, after which things can only go downhill until you really enforce those boundaries (which means calling off the relationship).

Fire_Stoic14 · 2023-12-09T14:41:09+00:00

You have to understand that women who have been in multiple relationships know how to maintain that good girl selling purity to you facade.

That’s pretty much what she’s doing to you, bro. Selling you purity to get commitment from you, while on the other end of the stick maintaining contact with her ex. I would say just use her for sex while you get someone else or break up with her to find someone else. Really your only 2 options

Better-Education-757 · 2023-12-09T18:45:11+00:00

Yeah nah she’s too attached, this relationship will fail

2023-12-09T13:01:39+00:00

Can you provide a list of the boundaries you are trying to establish? I think you accidentally posted your opening offer for your negotiated relationship with her instead.

Your "asks" aren't unreasonable, but the problem is that they are asks, not boundaries. Try reframing it:

"I'm having fun and want more, but I'm not going to rush into a relationship things if you're not ready."

Makes no demands, makes no ultimatum, makes her feel understood without being judged, and doesn't project the kinda insecurity that needs to be explained by "I trust her" statements.

It just creates a screen for her to project her imagination onto. It communicates that you're confident in what she'll ultimately do, and you're fine either way, but that she needs to qualify to you if she wants more.

So she'll start doing the math: She doesn't have to stop talking to her ex or giving out her insta, but she won't get more out of you unless she does. She doesn't have to delete anything, but she won't convince you she's ready to move forward unless she does. So is the status quo good enough to hold your attention until she is ready to do those things?

She may decide to act quickly to do those things and lock you down, or she may decide you aren't worth it and move on. Either way, you'll know, and you can plate her or next her.

(tl;dr: dread + amused mastery > negotiated desire)

mybrainiskillingme · 2023-12-09T02:51:06+00:00

It's only been 6 months G. Your boundaries are important, but trying to lay down the law 6 months in and telling her not to talk to this guy comes off as a loss of frame.

She's been talking to him on and off but then she met you and she's been doing way more than just talk with you, so consider that for a moment and maybe maintain frame and show her a great enough time to know there's a reason why the ex is an ex.

ClickKlakk · 2023-12-12T07:11:12+00:00

Boundaries aren’t for other people. They’re for you. They are your rules for yourself. You are free to set whatever boundaries are best to keep you healthy and happy. The only way to overtly communicate these is early on. In conversation, talking about other guys and girls.

But you really don’t have to say shit. Just speak with your actions. You’re playing from behind at this point so I’m afraid you won’t be able to establish the kind of boundaries you’re looking to establish without some top tier skills.

EnlightendViewer · 2023-12-11T21:58:29+00:00

Just give these rules and make it clear the consequences if you do x your gone period plain and simple alternatively you can also tell her a story about a time a girl did these things and you nexted her that wayb your not being as direct i prefer to be direct however that is who i am

2023-12-12T17:34:38+00:00

Those aren't boundaries, they're demands. A boundary is something you need or will tolerate that requires the other person to do nothing, i.e., "I won't be in a committed relationship with someone who keeps in touch with an ex beyond a certain extent." Screaming demands at a woman is a recipe for drama and unhappiness. Also, based on what you've told us, doing so probably won't stop your girlfriend's behavior; she'll just get more secretive about it. If I was in your shoes, I'd downgrade her to an FB. But you do you.

Yeah, maybe this framing sounds more needy and "less alpha", but to frame it otherwise is to delude yourself, and that's not very alpha either. Own your shit, bro.

Let me be clear that I trust her

Stop lying to yourself! Clearly you don't trust her or you wouldn't feel threatened by her continuing to talk to her ex.

StillHigh09 · 2023-12-14T10:24:34+00:00

Let me be clear that I trust her and she's very much into me. She's talking about having a family with me, getting married, BLABLABLA

I can already tell who shes gonna be cheating with after you marry her.
Or even befrore you marry her.
Or maybe she already is lol

OtPayOkerSmay · 2023-12-21T17:20:26+00:00

If you have to establish these sorts of boundaries, she is not girlfriend material. She is an alpha widow looking for a baggage handler.

Tr1pp_ · 2023-12-22T22:57:04+00:00

Presenting a list like this sounds very controlling and condescending. Some people can have mature relationships with exes, some cannot. It's not disrespectful by default. Talk to her, tell her you're feeling insecure regarding any ex-related contact and how much it bothers you. If she feels these relationships with exes are important because they may hold a different position in her life today, she'll simply choose that. She's your partner, let her decide herself if she'd rather hold authority over what relationships she is allowed to have than date you. But approaching this discussion like some of the redditors here recommend... You'll just come off like an ass, and might get dumped immediately just from how controlling you are.

forseriousism · 2023-12-24T17:30:30+00:00

Bro only way to solve this is invite the ex back. Both of you fuck her and she chooses who’s better. You got to step up the game my guy. Only reason people have problems with others talking to exes is cause they are insecure about how they fuck. Read some stuff and practice OP. Don’t let your insecurities hold you back.

StatusDropout · 2024-01-17T16:34:40+00:00

Time for some new ass and if she stumbles on that information then you see how she wants to play her hand. But without some competition anxiety then she's gonna keep on keeping on. Sounds like you don't have the leverage to set boundaries with her at the moment.

Hakaritoocold · 2024-02-06T04:08:14+00:00

You’re mateguarding in a sense. The moment you found out she still talks to her ex you should have dropped her and ghosted. If you did that you probably could have made her a plate at that point if she came back

Title	Establishing boundaries. Are they reasonable?
Author	Dynamix86
Upvotes	30
Comments	58
Date	December 8, 2023 7:36 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/18duofl/establishing_boundaries_are_they_reasonable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/establishing-boundaries-are-they-reasonable.1240369 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240369

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