Summary

You might remember my cringe worthy post from a little over 2 months ago. (/fr_back_to_square_one/). Things have changed, I'm still the same person, but it seems I get things done. I feel like a man.

Last night it happened. We met on Tinder and I told her I was a virgin. I just didn't care. As long as I could kiss she said we would be fine. So there I went, to her place, and left my emotions at home. Of course it started out a bit nervous for me but we did everything you can imagine. And again in the morning (already felt like I did it a hundred times before). I lasted hours. She started showing affection towards me, and I acted like a psychopath. No emotions. She talked about a guy she friendzoned and has drinks with everyday and I told her jokingly I felt sorry for him while she was resting her head on my chest. Man did I feel like a Chad. We did some coffee a few hours ago and both went our own way. I feel empty now, but a lot better than expecting love. Sex is overrated, but not knowing what sex is drives a man crazy. So I'm happy I did it, it took a lot of nervous weight from my shoulders. I don't care about how women perceive me anymore. I know I'm what they want and I won't show my emotions anymore. That's the strange part, the less emotional I was, the more she seemed to like me, in a sensual way. Sure, I'm still lonely, but she'll never know that, but this was my little bit of pure intimacy. Something is better than nothing.

Lessons learned/conclusion

  • Leave your emotions at home, but don't be a dick. Acting interested and being nice is fine, but in general: an ice cold approach.
  • Surprisingly: the no-emotion approach created some emotions which were very comfortable. She completely opened up.
  • Truth be told, at the end of the day I don't remember the things we did, but watching her sleeping while I smoked cigarettes and listened to my favorite music on the background. But she'll never hear that from me. And that's why it works.

You might not agree with everything I did, but this absolutely worked for me. I had no expectations and I'm not hurt. There was no rejection. It really was something. And not being a virgin anymore will certainly improve my Tinder game. Now, I can keep doing this, but that would be a slippery slope. If this is the only way I'll experience intimacy and affection... As a Christian, I need to think about it. But, I can. I've proven it to myself. A huge confidence boost.