How to achieve your goals: Don't talk about them

Ermgotthis · 2014-11-25T09:44:00+00:00

By telling about your goals to people, you give them the power to crush them. And they will.

Keep. Your goal. To yourself.

2014-11-25T13:10:21+00:00

The fun starts when you make them believe you want to achieve A, then they found out you really want B, but of course, you secretly want C, or perhaps D.

Swohbu · 2014-11-25T08:24:32+00:00

A college success class told me that sharing your goals gives you a sense of accountability. The social pressure of failing in the eyes of others can be a good motivator.

TheGreatJordanS · 2014-11-25T09:28:31+00:00

I've noticed this with my reach goals or things that other people wouldn't expect me to do (start my own company, get in shape [I used to be skinny fat], date multiple women). Once I decided to just go for it and stop telling my friends/family or ask for advice, boy did things change.

I won't tell anymore about my current progress because wouldn't that just defeat the purpose :D

FLFTW16 · 2014-11-25T12:42:34+00:00

If you don't have something of real value to contribute or especially if you are just beginning to take the steps necessary to reach your goals, don't even write about them here.

You should definitely write down your goals privately. Keep a journal or something. Don't just think about your dreams or they will remain dreams. Write them down, brainstorm, plan, execute.

I agree with the general thrust of OP but there are some minor points I disagree with.

For starters, context is everything. Who are you talking about your goals with? If you want to one day be a millionaire it is perfectly reasonable to voice this goal to your financial planner because he has the means to help you achieve this. It would be wholly inappropriate to tell someone you met yesterday about your life dream.

You want to travel the world? Don't tell someone who never left their hometown. They will receive it as an attack on their life, that something is wrong with them, when it might have nothing to do with them.

There are masculine "safe spaces" (though I hate that fucking term), where it's cool to share stuff like that, but even then it's something you really should guard carefully. Is this a dream you just came up with and are excited about, or a lifelong dream? How much effort have you put into making it come true? If you start talking about your life dream, even to supportive men that want you to succeed in life, but you haven't researched or made any measurable progress toward your goal, guys could not take you seriously and be negative toward what you are saying, or you just lose respect in their eyes.

The best person to talk to about your goal is someone who has the same goal. If your dream is to own a food truck business, get in close with someone who has the same dream, or better yet already has made it come true. They could mentor you and make your journey easier with tips that they learned along the way. Alternatively maybe the dream in your head is nothing like the reality and they will set you straight. Maybe you will lose steam on your dream when you learn the truth about it.

There are appropriate times to talk about a goal but they are few and far between. Be very very choosy.

SeekingTheWay · 2014-11-25T14:54:42+00:00

Also, it's also much more effective if it hits the "audience" as a surprise when you accomplish something.

2pacBiggieisland · 2014-11-25T18:46:17+00:00

Don't be scared about sharing your goals with people that can help you achieve them. Talking about what you want to do in life will bring people into your life that will help you achieve them.

Talking to women about your goals creates massive attraction as well.

1761 · 2014-11-25T20:20:17+00:00

This is something that I suspected before I actually learned this information, and once I did it made total sense. Every time I was planning on doing something, I would tell my friends about it, and it just felt so good. I could explain it to them and make it seem like I was further along than I really was, and I felt totally validated by their reactions. You get those feel good chemicals and then you lose motivation to actually do the damn thing. It's a dangerous cycle that I've finally broken. And strangely enough, now that I am actually doing things I don't have the urge to talk about them anymore. Just let your actions speak for themselves.

vengefully_yours · 2014-11-25T15:19:08+00:00

People often tell me I can't do something, such as build a naturally aspirated 10 second car for less than $5000, or make an ethanol engine get better mileage while making more power than a gasoline engine. Those are my goals, among others, and I have a drive to accomplish them that comes from inside me, not external validation from others. It's largely irrelevant to tell others for me, because I am doing it anyway, regardless of what others think.

That is because I am driven internally to do those, it's my passion, my reason for being. I will accomplish it no matter what, and negative responses motivate me to prove them wrong. Even if they validate me, I still do it, but someone claiming it's impossible when I've already done it, or close to it pushes me to do more and prove it.

Other things I won't tell anyone about, like losing weight, lifting, or anything that would be more of an external validation source, because it's none of their business and I've noticed the phenomenon noted here. Do it for you, not for them, if you tell them about it, then it somehow becomes a thing you do for their validation. I won't do shit for validation from others as completely as for myself, because they will often give validation easily. Getting validation before you've accomplished it can easily sap your motivation because you get the satisfaction from others.

Don't give a fuck what they say or think, be it positive or negative, do it because you want to. The easy way is not talking about it, my favorite method is doing it anyway, but I do both.

Snivellious · 2014-11-25T19:36:40+00:00

If you doubt this, build your own anecdotal evidence. Think about your friends and acquaintances who've done something awesome: painted a great picture, run a marathon, gotten published or hired somewhere awesome. Now think about your friends and ask yourself which ones talk a lot about a goal.

I'll bet they aren't the same people. Sure, you knew that your successful friends were talented (long-term practice is hard to hide), but I'll bet they talked about what they did. "Yeah, I went to a cooking class over the weekend, it was really interesting." "Oh, running's been taking up a lot of my time lately." Your unsuccessful friends? They talked about what they were going to do. "I'm writing this novel, it's gonna be a huge hit when I'm done." "I'm gonna learn guitar so I can start a band."

They get their kicks from telling you what they're going to do, and living in that fantasy world where they succeed. Your successful friends live in the present, and so they don't talk about their hypothetical futures. They'll tell you about these goals when they can't go to dinner because they have a book launch happening.

OpiumPhrogg · 2014-11-25T15:53:01+00:00

Having goals and not talking about them isn't enough. You need to know how to make them attainable through action.

This may include sharing your goals with your boss, or your business partner. Or just simply brainstorming, get a journal and write your goals down, discuss what you want to achieve with a trusted person, I am talking broad strokes here. But just like talking about your goals won't make you attain your goals, writing your goals down won't make you attain them either. You have to make them actionable. Figure out what tasks or projects relate to your goals and start working toward completing them. Get a task manager , read Getting Things Done, whatever. It's the same thing parroted around here; Want to get the girls and live your life like a king? Then why are you still here reading TRP? Get to the gym!

You want to be a millionaire CEO? Stop talking about it, figure out what things you need to do and start doing it. The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step, the stone gathers momentum as it rolls and all that zen stuff.

raiseurT · 2014-11-25T20:58:24+00:00

Yup. Whenever I have a goal or aspiration that comes to my mind, i make sure to not mention it or even think about it too much until i've taken concrete acton towards that goal. And by action i mean doing it, not preparing but actually doing it. To me preparing is a lot like talking, it's passive, gives you a sense of accomplishment and is often done out of fear or avoidance.

roadtoRP · 2014-11-27T17:18:26+00:00

Holy shit, this is pretty eye opening for me. I do this, I tell people my goals and figure if I fail it will drive me to do better as to not look like a failure to those around me. Sound great, but in reality, nothing happens when I fail, nobody cares. At most you'll get a "you'll try harder next time"... This post comes at a good time for me, I have been doing really well at working towards my goals lately but the last few days I have been slacking. I'm going to try this. Shut up about what I want to achieve and just go for it.

Might even help with increasing peoples impression of you, if they know how long you have taken to reach succes it seems more obtainable. When they all of a sudden realize you have a higher level of skill, it will seem like it must be something you inherently have that they don't. Pretty sure I read a term for this somewhere but not sure what it is.

chill1995 · 2014-11-25T13:20:30+00:00

Truth. I have no issues talking to my friends and siblings about short-term or easily achievable goals, but I keep the long-term and serious goals in the back of my mind.

ElToroReal · 2014-11-25T13:45:02+00:00

I agree with this in a way. Most of the time, the goals that I set get jinxed when I tell them to people close to me. it's a bit childish, i know, but to me it seems to be the case.

srryforthethroaway1 · 2014-11-25T21:12:14+00:00

Even those closest to you will tear you down once they realize that you are on a path of being more successful than them, sometimes that can be your dad who sees that his son is heading on a path to having more success than him.

the_red_scimitar · 2014-11-25T21:14:28+00:00

This has been my strategy for a long time. It seems every time I do talk about them, that kills the activity for weeks.

garlicextract · 2014-11-25T22:19:20+00:00

Don't tell your significant other/girlfriend, you should SHOW her your success not TELL her you will be successful.

But the rest of it? This post is total bullshit. DO tell your buddies, DO tell your family. Especially if it's like something about losing weight, quitting smoking, etc.

A bit of friendly ribbing along the lines of "but I thought you were trying not to be a fat fuck?" can go a long way when you're about to splurge.

Of course, if you have shitty friends, don't tell them anything.

Baylien2 · 2014-11-25T22:52:22+00:00

Don't talk about it. Be about it.

Cubixdealer · 2014-11-25T23:12:39+00:00

sometimes your friends can help you with your goals

socio_j · 2014-11-25T23:51:55+00:00

This is gonna sound like hippy shit. But when ever I tell people about my goals or what I want to do, plans, you name it, everything goes the exact opposite of how I want it, and when I do things with very little people knowing...everything works out perfectly, its very strange. Its as if the more you tell people about yourself the more indirect negative energy you receive.

Masonjarteadrinker2 · 2014-11-25T23:56:43+00:00

Don't talk about it, be about it.

WarmApfelPi · 2014-11-26T00:48:45+00:00

While a friend of mine talks about everything to get himself motivated (accountability, shame of failure be true to word), I find I'm the opposite. I can't say shit to anyone, sometimes even myself without feeling instant gratification drop a wrench in my goals. It's a weird phenomenon that I have to completely reject that early gratification and enjoyment I've conditioned to until after completion otherwise I lose my motivation.

I've bullshit so many times, like about learning to play an instrument or a learning a language. I talked and quit before I began.

I work a biz-cas job, and decided to pick up a rough skill. I signed up for welding classes, and said absolutely nothing about it to even my wife, just that I wanted to get into a class. I've gone from 7-9 hrs of sleep to 3-4 M-F and I've never had that kind of dedication before.

Bottom line, anything I emotionally invest in goes bankrupt.

LeggyBlueEyes · 2014-11-26T02:24:35+00:00

There was a belief at one time that sharing your goals with others encouraged you to be more accountable to said goals, because once other ppl knew they could hold you accountable to them. But in today's society, no one holds anyone accountable for their actions anymore it seems. So what's the point in sharing?

bleh321 · 2014-11-26T03:14:13+00:00

You can however share your goals with your significant other or plates.

They love to hear how ambitious you are. The amount of times that I've heard an ex say, "I liked how you were ambitious and in control of what you wanted to do...."

Bisuboy · 2014-11-26T03:24:33+00:00

Understatement is used a lot at sports. Team is ckearky a contender, but when the players get asked about winning the title they'll say "we don't think about that, we first have to win the next game".

artemiswasfowled · 2014-11-26T06:23:46+00:00

the red pill to get from this thread is that people secretly want you to fail in your goals

paradox_life · 2014-11-26T08:51:11+00:00

So what are you saying? That the person you've told your goal is somehow ruining your chances through their intentions OR you are ruining your chances because you get a false sense of accomplishment? Because if it's the later then I got a question. Why do they say visualizing your goal is one of the most important things in order to achieve it? Isn't that exactly getting a very vivid "false sense of accomplishment"?

slcjosh · 2014-11-26T08:56:40+00:00

Luck is just hard work. Go get it dudes.

Arnox · 2014-11-28T01:26:41+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFJcWwU3GMQ&t=50s

RDRDRDx7 · 2014-11-25T16:06:12+00:00

Social Psychologist Robert Cialdini, suggest that you SHOULD tell others your goals. According to his book "Influence", doing so adds an extra layer of consequences that most people would rather avoid. No one wants to be seen as an unreliable bullshitter, or worse, as a failure.

Thing is, TRP is partially about breaking free of social conditioning. The further along the pill path you are, the less you are going to give a shit about others opinions of your success.

However, I believe a man does what he says he is going to, so speak your intentions carefully. Find a way to make you accountable for you. Don't let yourself down, if you say something, do it. Not for others, fuck them, do it for you. You need to KNOW that YOU are the kind of mother fucker who does what he mother fucking says.

BadgerBurger · 2014-11-25T18:06:42+00:00

Saying that you're going to do something gives you a feeling of accomplishment, as though you've already achieved it. Then you get lazy.

I try not to tell people what I plan to achieve for this reason.

awfukbye · 2014-11-25T18:51:20+00:00

I read somewhere talking about your goals gives you more incentive to follow through with them because you verbalized it to another person.

TheSliceman · 2014-11-26T07:41:46+00:00

Cant agree enough.

I just got a promotion at my work and everyone at work is finding out in the past day or two after a month of interviews I have been in.

Ive been getting a lot of "why were/are you so secretive about it?".

I dont answer them, but the real answer is because of this. Talking about it does nothing but lower your chances of it actually happening.

Talking about any type of improvement brings the crabs in a bucket effect.

came_a_box · 2014-11-25T21:07:39+00:00

wiz khalifa once said "Tryna slander my name but when you sit think about itIt's hard to show off your aim when niggas yet to see the target He's talkin' that mess cause he's garbage"

Don't let em crush your goals

Title	How to achieve your goals: Don't talk about them
Author	teamsnacks
Upvotes	145
Comments	54
Date	November 25, 2014 6:00 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2ncgy5/how_to_achieve_your_goals_dont_talk_about_them/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/how-to-achieve-your-goals-dont-talk-about-them.25374 https://theredarchive.com/post/25374

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