Summary: When it comes to keeping plates on the line, stay as far away from providing as you can, but when engaging in mini-relationships or LTRs you need a game plan for when you are forced to provide.

Body:

When do you need to provide?

In any relationship that extends beyond just sex resources will be used to maintain it. This can be money (for dinner, drinks, activities), time (for phone calls, hanging out), or effort (for small “in the moment” favors, giving her attention). In any relationship outside of an NSA plate a man who never gives any of these things will be seen as either a deadbeat, selfish, or not valuable (having nothing to give).

You simply cannot have a working relationship without some give and take. A man will make sacrifices for a woman, but a high value man will only do so if he gets something equally valuable out of it, and that something cannot be sex.

What is expected of you?

Much less than you think. Remember, women only see the top 20%, and the top 20% are doing fuck all for these women. When I first made an effort to significantly increase my SMV, I was shocked at how little they expected from me. I had, for the first time in my life, jumped into Chad's shoes. She wasn't expecting me to stick around. When she wants you for sex as much as you want her, she no longer expects you to grovel for it. It's no longer a “favor” to you. She wants you to treat her like an equal. This is the basis for not “putting the pussy on a pedestal.”

How should you go about providing?

Every time you provide is a chance to lead. For instance, I posted the other day about a very blue pill guy who made dinner for his supposed gf, me, and a plate. He did all of the work, never really took credit for the dinner, and did all the dishes afterwards. If you're making dinner for her, that's a chance to show her what a bad ass cook you are, how you are a master of that particular domain. If she's watching TV while you cook, you're doing it wrong. She feels entitled to dinner. What would make her feel entitled to this? Inherent value. When you give a woman inherent value (rather than earned value), you are telling her she can do better, because just existing is good enough for you.

So if you're cooking, she's your sous chef. If you're fixing her car, she's fetching you wrenches. If there is no clear "teaching" moment, she is assisting you in any way she is able, and you are directing the action.

Another great way to provide is to act as a teacher for something you enjoy. If you're an avid rock climber, bring her to the gym and teach her how to climb. If you love skiing, take her to the local mountain for an afternoon. Why do you think so many girls get the hots for their attractive teachers in high school and college? The only times she ever sees him is when he is the master of his domain.

Providing comes in so many forms, what about gifts, money, favors?

In general, before you do something that benefits her more than it benefits you, ask yourself, Would I do this for my best guy friend? That will get you through 90% of the situations you encounter. This works because providing is entirely non-sexual. The moment you give resources for sex, you tell her that you are not sexual equals. This immediately places you in beta bux territory. In any case, this table should break down the various forms of providing and generally how you'd deal with it when you're trying to get more than a lay.

What you are providing How it's handled
Money (directly) Avoid at all costs. Only lend money with proper legal documentation and even then avoid.
Dinner/drinks/activities bill Split evenly. Some exceptions if she comes from a very traditional family (and actually buys into ideas from marriage 1.0)
Gifts The best is something you'll both enjoy, but is aimed mostly at her. Don't spend more on her than she does on you.
Favors In exchange for other non-sexual favors of equal value to you only. Ideally, she will act as your assistant while you teach her something.
Time Only spend it if you genuinely enjoy it. If you're hanging around for sex, she can tell.
Little favors (e.g. can you fetch my purse?) Would you grab it for Mike? Never respond to the baby voice/puppy eyes.
Giving her attention over other people Your only obligation is to not be rude/ignore her if you came with her. If she doesn't command your attention, you don't have to give it.

Lessons Learned:

  • Providing is unavoidable in non-NSA sex relationships, but it is the easiest way to slip from AF to BB.

  • Providing is entirely non-sexual. Exchanging resources for sexual favors results in being perceived as not sexually equal.

  • Use any type of providing as a chance to lead or teach, acting as the master of that domain.

  • In general, if you wouldn't do it for a good guy friend, you shouldn't do it for her.

  • Never put more into the relationship than she is willing to put in.