Losing myself due to performance anxiety

Naru4odo · 2022-03-30T15:59:00+00:00

You need to leave dude, fighting that often is not good. And sounds like you're having a bout of self esteem issues because of the rejections as well. You're attractive my guy, some girls revel in destroying men's egos and esteem, when you encounter someone like that, you gotta leave.

PiperBigBell · 2022-03-30T16:15:15+00:00

I see a few glaring issues here:

You've lost the sexual power that you have in the relationship. You've allowed her to set that frame that sex happens on her time. Which means that instead of you being relaxed and having fun, running the show as a man should because he controls the show, you're operating on her time, meaning you have to be ready when SHE wants you to be ready. Here's the secret boss, sex operates on your time. Good sex comes from the man, not the woman. And that can't happen if she isn't doing her all to make you feel unpressured, relaxed, and in charge of the show. You need to take your power back by having sex on your terms and settling for nothing else. It has to be 100% on your terms or it won't work brother. You have to do it not to prove that you're a man, but because you love pleasure and feel entitled to it. If you did it to prove that you're a man, you reinforce a vicious mental cycle.
You're not willing to lose this girl. The root of all performance anxiety is validation seeking behavior and fear of loss. Because you are not willing to let this girl go. Because she gives you value instead of you giving it to yourself, your dick denies you your passions. We as men cannot afford these feelings. Hard dick operates on confidence, stoicism, and narcissism. You cannot be confident if you are scared of loss. This is why I don't care if women think I'm good in bed. I know that I am because they almost always cum, but I don't care if they do, because that would fuck up my mindset. A woman can't ask for good dick and for you to care about them the same way they care about you. Simultaneously, you can't ask your dick to cooperate and care about the girl in totality.
You're chasing glory days. No matter what woman you have, you will get tired of fucking her eventually. She will get boring, you will want different things. Once a dynamic has been lost with a woman, you cannot get it back. Not because you hate each other, but because every dynamic is based on a specific set of emotions and beliefs, thoughts and memories. You have to learn to let go of whatever frame you thought you had, learn your lesson, and evolve into a new frame. You have to be willing to accept and let go. Force does not mix with sex or spirituality my brother.
You're likely going to have to let this bitch go. Sure, things can be salvaged, but trying to explain sexual dynamics to a woman who isn't already hip is a losing and draining battle. She might get it eventually, but by the time they do, you end up resenting them for pulling so much energy from you to get there. They end up going crazy because their pride can't accept that either a man doesn't want to fuck them, or they are the cause of a man not wanting to fuck them. I've seen it several times. It is not pretty AT ALL.
Why the fuck are you fighting with your woman? As a man you have to tell her what it is, and what it is going to be. You don't argue with her, you leave her alone to deal with her emotions. If she wants clarification, you give it to her lovingly. Teach her with love. But after that, you gotta let her do her own thing. It is not your job to convince an emotional being that you are right. Only for her to comply with what it is you want. If she is not complying then you demote her in rank and give her less status and value in your life. I pray to fucking god you don't live with this bitch. The greatest power you have over that woman to make her comply is for you to walk away and force space in between you two. She will have to either recognize your value and comply, or take the L.

That's it off the top without having more information. I have posts on these matters if you want a reference.

SeikoSeaUrchinFan · 2022-03-30T16:26:40+00:00

Bro tf. Walking around on egg shells and fighting with someone that close to you is gonna make you have a nervous breakdown. Dick is first thing to go. Let this bitch go. Neither of you are ready for a relationship

teucy · 2022-03-30T16:04:45+00:00

You’re a young dude with lots of good shit going on for you. Why do you fight? Who initiates the fighting and what is it related to? Seems like she might have lost the attraction to you hence the lack of sex. It will turn her off if you want to fuck her all the time, that’s a fact. Also, stop jacking off so much, if not stopping all together.

strikethrough123 · 2022-03-30T15:45:39+00:00

Aye man. Just listen to your dick. Sometimes you just aren’t attracted to a girl anymore after you’ve been fucking her for a while. Go find a new bitch.

Xexitar · 2022-03-30T16:04:22+00:00

Take sex the equation. What does this girl add to your life? She sounds like an unnecessary stress.

Seawolf40 · 2022-03-30T22:01:37+00:00

Sex decline + fighting = relationship is dead. Women do not care about your issues. They'll think you're weak for having them. I've experienced this personally enough times to know it's a fact. She is not attracted to you anymore.

Leave dude. It's over. Get yourself back together and you'll find someone else.

hiktaka · 2022-03-30T19:56:16+00:00

Sounds like a bitch that won't submit to your authority, even after you two have fucked for good.

Nothing can make a penis flaccid more than a bitter, arguing feminist. You have no problem at all.

Counter_Proposition · 2022-03-30T17:07:28+00:00

Bro, figure out what you’re fighting about and make it stop. I can almost guarantee you it’s some shit she is doing you don’t like, or something you’re doing that you need to get her in line and set expectations on. It sounds like you’re not being firm enough with her. Fix that shit. You are the man, so LEAD.

And for fucks sake, stop telling about your weaknesses and insecurities! Just play it off, blame work/stress, whatever. Never let your woman see you weak.

TheBunk_TB · 2022-03-30T16:39:59+00:00

I want to differ from other guys advice: Do you have something else that you haven't been doing or something you need to do?

I think you need a mental timeout.

godsbestgift · 2022-03-30T17:01:59+00:00

stop losing yourself by not giving a single fuck about performing. fuck because you wanna nut. typically i have a good duration but occasionally i'll pop fast, my bitch just feels flattered that i got off quick. she needs her creampies

BlondeHornyElf · 2022-03-31T12:25:26+00:00

lane swimming is the cure for ED and issues like that, 100% serious

benefits of lane swimming for sexual performance:

- releases endorphins and boosts mood, relieves tension

- improves full-body aerobic endurance and blood circulation

- full body stretch with each stroke, releases pressure on pelvic floor, counter-acts the negative effects of sitting on hip-flexors and lower-back

- trains the abdominal/core/glute/hip-flexor muscles (ie the most important muscles for erections)

- fully body strength building and improves physique

not kidding, taking up swimming as a habit will boost your libido and overall health noticeably

dante_the_panda · 2022-03-31T13:32:31+00:00

Stop treating this like it's a relationship. She enjoyed fucking you, and now she doesn't. It happens.

2022-03-30T17:06:56+00:00

Been there, don’t stress

The buteyko breathing method and reverse kegels in congruence with nofap should do the trick

Redpiller1988 · 2022-03-30T15:26:41+00:00

Stop jerking off for starters. NoFap will do wonders for you man.

Nighthawk_Black_ · 2022-03-30T16:07:14+00:00

You don't sound very happy with that girl.

nadanonenada · 2022-03-30T17:09:54+00:00

Remember, women need to ‘feel’ understood. Aka that you can take care of them emotionally. That means be the rock and not fight. Learn to listen again and not let her cross your boundaries. I see a little loss of frame on your part, but nothing that can’t be fixed. Go back to going on dates and having fun. Make her feel heard and she will respect your frame again as long as you do too

Trexxxzy · 2022-03-30T15:45:43+00:00

What exactly are you nervous about?

rickmackdaddy · 2022-03-30T18:29:04+00:00

Your dick is smarter than your brain. If you’re fighting that much, and she’s rejecting you sexually, she’s not the right one for you. Move on, the next one will be better.

__TheDon__ · 2022-03-30T18:47:12+00:00

Sounds like you two live together. If so, then ur probably fucked.

2022-03-30T16:58:55+00:00

Get rid of her. Build your confidence, go find someone else that you actually have fun with that doesn't just involve sex.

TeemoSatan · 2022-03-30T15:55:26+00:00

You should try to fix your relationship first (if it's possible). Honeymoon phase is over and everyone is showing their true faces. Contstant figting is not good for your mental and physical health. I was in exactly the same boat couple months ago. We were arguing every day and i started to have serious ed problems for the first time in my life (im 36). After we fixed constant arguing my ed problems just dissapeared. Now my relatonship is turning toxic again (i feel im literally loosing power in my dick) and im about to pull the plug.

If the fightin never stops you should start thinking about leaving that toxic shithole. If you find the right girl your dick wil be rock hard again. Trust me.

You can get some pills like the other guy said but its a double edged sword and can actually deepen your ed if your confidence is already low.

But seriously, you should reconsider your realationsip. Constant arguind will fucking drain you and slowly destroy your confidence. Thats the root cause of your ed.

Sicthroway · 2022-03-31T11:51:40+00:00

You fucked up by letting her regulate sex that's literally the only thing they have and you gave her power youre talking about talking out with this girl but that's bullshit. They dont like words and emotions from men. They're just bullshit. Why are you even arguing with her?You cant win emotional arguments.

Leave on your terms while you still can and next time hold your frame. Arguments are just big shit tests.

curvedbymykind · 2022-03-31T00:18:33+00:00

She questions your sexuality? What do you guys fight about exactly?

oramoss · 2022-03-31T02:14:23+00:00

sounds like you're being gaslit. develop a new interest and see if she competes for your attention.

PippeliPaavo · 2022-03-30T17:19:07+00:00

Obviously just leave her and move on.

Then because you did not write anything about how the fighting happens this is an utterly useless post. Wtf do you think to learn from this? The lesson would be how to manage conflict with a woman. And even if you had skills like that she might still just not be worth keeping. She's seen your weakness it's a rotten foundation to build on. She's at her prime, you are not. You can only win by moving on. "Trying to make it work" is just desperation. You are 24. It's the time to learn. The biggest loss you can take is staying in this relationship wasting time.

If you want a woman that doesn't need to managed you should go gay. It's not happening. And if you don't understand how women work and how to have fights with them and how to manage their emotional dependencies you can only expect to keep repeating this.

curiousboyz · 2022-03-30T15:38:29+00:00

Get some pills to get you back some confidence

Counter_Proposition · 2022-03-30T16:24:47+00:00

[permanently deleted]

green_tea_bag · 2022-03-30T18:05:12+00:00

better start shopping for a new one

Big_Neecee · 2022-03-30T16:22:32+00:00

Your ding dong not big enough for her cuz someone's ding dong was bigger and made her gucci like stephen hawkings black hole theory, now yall fighting and stuff.

2022-03-31T16:21:24+00:00

If you can afford, theraphy is my advice. There is no shame in going

dirkdisco · 2022-03-30T19:49:51+00:00

Sex slows down in all long term relationships. Variety truly is the spice of life.

mabden · 2022-03-30T20:18:23+00:00

|I have tried explaining my issues, and she really is not understanding.
She keeps questioning my attraction, my love, ans even now my sexuality.
The relationship seems to be falling apart, and this definitely has
become a huge issue

Explaining your issues will never work in your favor. It only dries up her pussy and drives her away, thus her questioning you and the relationship.

it's a huge issue because you made it an issue.

akahige26 · 2022-03-30T21:35:57+00:00

Stirling Cooper might be able to help you

L3onard3 · 2022-03-30T23:14:31+00:00

Who else are you fucking? Oneitis is a bitch.

athrowaway-9001 · 2022-03-31T03:25:05+00:00

Tl;dr You don't dare and instead deer. Honeymoon phase over -> sex starts to slowly decline and is instead now duty sex.

Your relationship is over because you are a beta and she knows it.

She has more agency and it clearly shows in your post. (Ctrl+f, keywords:she).

Grow some balls

Pretty_Regular_5037 · 2022-04-02T16:56:12+00:00

You shouldn't be fighting in the first place. Arguing is useless. Should've left before this ever happened.

aimene1905 · 2022-04-04T10:50:16+00:00

This is a very common case of getting comfortable and switching back to your comfortable beta ways. I don't think you ever read the sidebar, and if you did you didn't internalize it and now you forgot all about it.

I would suggest to go through the sidebar and really dig deep.

To answer your more pressing issues, I think your sexual issues have nothing to do with masturbating or porn or any of that. Your issues are psychological. You have two options here: dump your girlfriend, work on yourself while dating other girls. Or try to resuscitate your current relationship. I would recommend you break up, but it's up to you.

If you care about this girl in particular, you should make some radical changes in your life:

There is no ONE: you are having ONEITIS. You think that she is the one, but she is not, and you need to see that. You met a girl that you like, but there are many out there that you didn't sample, and some of them you will probably like more. You need to get that into your head.
Put her off the pedestal: She is human, she has flaws. Go ahead and recognize them. Make a list of all the think that she doesn't have/do (she doesn't cook, she doesn't clean my apartment, she doesn't give good BJs, she doesn't do anal, she's not smart, she's not as blond as I like ....)
Stop the fighting: You need to stop these at once. Tell her you're sick of fighting, and you don't want to argue anymore. Next time she starts a fight, leave. Literally just leave. Go out, go to the gym, go for a run, whatever. Do not engage in a fight. Do not lose your cool and let her get you angry. Take deep breaths and control your emotions. If she starts a fight via text tell her you're not in the mood to fight. If she moves on to talk about something else then great. But if she gets angrier or keeps provoking you about the same subject or any other subject, ignore her texts, ignore her calls, ignore her pleading, ignore her calling you childish or an asshole. You need great emotional control to execute these actions. Once you explain that you don't want fights anymore, and she keeps doing it, these steps should help "fix" her attitude. If you don't manage to fix her (she throws 3-4 fights, you did all this and she still provokes you) then execute a soft next.
Make yourself your mental point of origin: this is fancy talk to say put yourself first. In any situation do what makes you happy, and don't do anything you don't want to do. She wants to go to a concert with you but you don't like the band ? don't go. She hates nerdy stuff but you wanna watch the new star wars? don't go on that date with her and go with a friend to watch the movie. And in your case, put yourself first in sex, it doesn't matter if she gets satisfied, she is here for your pleasure, fuck her as you want (rough? choke her? spank her? make sweet and soft love to her? do whatever YOU want), what works for me is that I fuck her as if I hate her.

I think once you see her flaws (step 1 and 2) and you remove the pressure from having to pleasure her (step 4) and being in a calmer relationship (step 3), you should be in a better mental place where you can perform sexually.

But I really suggest you dive deeper into all of this (read the sidebar in great detail, and think deeply about these concepts so you internalize them), and I suggest you recognize when this relationship is lost and to move on. Pussy is common, girls are everywhere, and you deserve to be happy and satisfied.

Good look to you friend.

Don_Draper27 · 2022-04-04T23:53:55+00:00

There's no reason to put up with that much arguing and not talking for days. That's just toxic and not good for either of y'all's mental health.

The performance issues definitely just snow balled and it doesn't seem like you put in any actual effort to rectify that.

I'd say a huge factor to the ED is lack of self respect. You don't feel like the man, you're not the prize.

I'd guess that you've just been riddled with anxiety the last few months. If you feel like your LTR is to blame, then you have a lot of work to do, for various reasons .

Do you do anything for your mental health? Your frame? Journal, meditate, mindfulness?

Definitely stop the PMO, and obviously leave the relationship and read the sidebar.

Title	Losing myself due to performance anxiety
Author	The-Hoss62
Upvotes	39
Comments	95
Date	March 30, 2022 3:21 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/ts8u2w/losing_myself_due_to_performance_anxiety/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/losing-myself-due-to-performance-anxiety.1109412 https://theredarchive.com/post/1109412

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