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[–]biggerbetterjobs77 points78 points79 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I don't even get why people analyze shit like this. It seems so exhausting to be around a woman who acts this way no matter how "hot" they are..
Have your sexual/romantic needs met with someone who's a little more level headed and less power hungry/crazy. People with a busy life don't have time for that shit. Leisure time is supposed to be enjoyable, Not some mental gymnastics Soviet mind control competition.
I know we all experienced toxic women here, but there are women out there who are at least decent enough to not be this shitty. By being a good man and walking away from that crap you
1.) Free yourself from its useless burden (save your mental energy for your calling/passions in life)
2.) Maybe (but highly unlikely) she'll learn a lesson and not pull shit like this anymore for whatever future guy she meets. Chances are she has a type though.. If you get my picture (guys who will tolerate this shittiness)
[–]102117991075 points6 points7 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Objectively it's easy to analyse and wonder why the hell someone would put up with this type of person. I realised first hand with a buddy how deep and complicated the human psyche is. He read TRP, we talked about the dynamics of the seesut yet he was in a relationship with basically an alcoholic who was a BPD chick and would disrespect the shit out of him. He was blind to everything. His red glasses got put on and his aha moment arrived when he was at a strip club feeling up a young hottie.
That's literally what it took. Just that, after all these years. Now he's fucking plates and we still laugh about how I was waiting for him to see the light so the red glasses can finally enable him to be the man he wanted to be.
[–]Endorsed ContributorRunawayGrain52 points53 points54 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
LOL.
She lets out a little surprised laugh, and I can tell she's both frustrated for being told "N. O." and impressed that I stood up to her. Then she pulls this shit: "Well, I don't want my roommate's dog to be by himself outside. Can you order for me?" This is some expert level shit - still trying to weasel her way into free food while jockeying for power in the situation. Was she always like this? (Yes.) I say, "Yeah, give me your card."
She lets out a little surprised laugh, and I can tell she's both frustrated for being told "N. O." and impressed that I stood up to her. Then she pulls this shit: "Well, I don't want my roommate's dog to be by himself outside. Can you order for me?" This is some expert level shit - still trying to weasel her way into free food while jockeying for power in the situation.
Was she always like this? (Yes.) I say, "Yeah, give me your card."
Nice response to that challenge.
Yeah, it's pretty obvious this was her 'I want to try the trendy new place, but want someone else to pay for it.' You correctly surmised that this was of little profit to you, and conserved your most valuable asset: your time. Good on you.
[–]grewapair 1 points1 points1 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Good for you. Once you see it, you'll realize it's everywhere.
I had a girl I was trying to spin to a plate. I invited her to a very modest restaurant.
She texts me and tells me she's with some friends at a bar. The most expensive bar in the city. "Come join us!"
But I know women, so I show up and order water, as it looks like they've been there for hours. "Shall we split the bill 4 ways?" I tell them to split it three ways.
The girl then informs me we're all going to the expensive new restaurant.
Noped out of that and went home. Not going to be your wallet.
Most guys would have just gone along and then got a peck in the cheek before she went home and ordered a fuck toy on Tinder. Not me.
Did she contact me and apologize? Nope. If I wasn't going to be used, I could fuck right off.
[–]nihilismMattersTmro-1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
haha nice
username checks the F out, too XD
[–]DentyneWhite 15 points16 points17 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I love this post. OP wasnt an asshole for revenge he was an asshole because his ex sucks and deserves it
+1
[–]iliketo69allthetime7 points8 points9 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'd say he wasn't an asshole at all.
[–]Bear-With-Bit15 points16 points17 points 8 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I provided no explanation, said goodbye, and walked away. Haven't responded to any of her texts since.
I was clapping when I read this. Great move. You fully understand what it means to put yourself first.
[–]1empatheticapathetic8 points9 points10 points 8 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Most of the post is standard fare but I would always fail this part. I HATE people not explaining shit to me so I always make sure I explain to them what's going on. It doesn't benefit me so I need to work on it.
[–]nihilismMattersTmro0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
yeah me too. I figure it's decent towards anyone of either gender an explanation of what's happening rn...
Maybe could just dial back the reasons.
Me in OPs situation walking away "Nah, just realized I don't want to eat here just now... see you around sometime"
[–]1empatheticapathetic4 points5 points6 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. It's a normal concern that they understand why you're walking away so they can learn and improve, but women have a different 'logic' mechanism, and all you're doing is weakening your resolve in her eyes. It's why we're here, to learn this shit.
[–]nihilismMattersTmro3 points4 points5 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
sometimes I would like to go full A-hole redpill in some situation... but I get scared
scared of.... the power I guess. Telling a women to take off is still foreign to me.
I adopt sort of a redpill lite in my life I think.
[–]1empatheticapathetic1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You need the 'power' to pull it off. If you're a low SMV loser to her and you piss her off, she might say you assaulted her and get your arrested. If you're someone whos approval she's trying to win, then you can tell her to fuck off and she will potentially chase you, but she will never change her ways because AWALT.
[–]GOR09812 points13 points14 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And then later she said to her friends "Men dont have any chivalry left any more." The other friend: "yeah. Where did all the real men go?".
[–]searcher61211 points12 points13 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That was the perfect ending to the encounter. Bravo! It was exactly how I was hoping it would have ended, as I was reading along.
[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang42 points43 points44 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Omigah, you're such an asshole.
[–]danO1O1O12 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The more I hear this, the more I think I'm on the right path.
Funny thing is that it has not affected my life negatively. You'd think being this kind of "asshole" would have an objectively negative impact.
[–]Energized_Husky8 points9 points10 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
You just blew my mind...I was always on the fence about this subreddit thinking TRP might be a little fucked up but no, this is what i need, I'm not going to be a doormat anymore
[–]nihilismMattersTmro7 points8 points9 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
at a glance trp looks horrible. bunch o dudes hate women and want to F them
look closer and you've seen what it's all about.
I am one of the nicest guys in the world. I got railroaded in terrible relationships for years. Whenever I found a women who would have sex with me I would hand over everything I had because I was so grateful. "You're gonna get naked? For me?! What do I owe you?!"
For me, the content of this sub has been about doing what you want in life, building confidence, not handing over all power to women. Becoming a better person in general.
There is advice about physical fitness, financial health, and mental health in almost every thread. It has made me feel better about my life and where it's headed.
Just being ready to tell women to piss off and be ready to walk away from any given situation is so incredibly powerful it's amazing.
And the super irony is that women respect you more if you tell them what's up instead of bending to their every demand. "Holding frame" I think it's called.
Anyway. I love the content here. I don't hate women. I just stand up to them now.
[–]Energized_Husky0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You read my mind, at first I was like "wtfh is this alpha vs beta bullshit, who talks like that?" but now i see it as standing up for yourself, and not putting up with the bullshit that women give us. I swear most of the time girls dont know what they want, they only think they do, and guys who put them on a pedastal (myself included) gets the short end of the stick when girls realize that they didn't really want what they thought they wanted. Im just sick and tired of girls being the biggest hypocrites and acting as if its normal (omg I hate this guy, he's a jack ass, 'gets drunk and tries hooking up with said person') but the minute a guy tries to stand up for himself and calls them out, he is the worst person ever. Not only do I realize that I need to learn how to live my life and base my self worth not on validation from random hot girls, but this post also made me realize that there are girls out there who aren't like this, girls who don't create unnecessary drama, smart girls who are talented and aren't shallow, and the only way I have a chance with them is if i improve myself, and whether I do end up with one or not, it won't matter because I'll be living my life the way I want to by then.
[–]Senior ContributorMentORPHEUS1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Get the book No More Mr. Nice Guy while you're at it.
[–]Energized_Husky1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah I read it once a while back, I really need to reread it again. I remember the book suggests to have a close person to confide to, or a group of some sort, but I know that my friends irl would laugh their ass off, they already think im a pussy as it is, is there a place on reddit where people read this book and form groups online?
[–]Senior ContributorMentORPHEUS1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There's always AskTRP and AskMRP when you have specific questions. With the new secure chat/tribe app u/redpillschool is making, we hope to see local Fraternity chapters successfully take hold locally soon too.
[–]sharp714 points15 points16 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is a deeply inspiring story of overcoming abuse.
[–]dontbedenied5 points6 points7 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good for you man. I'm working on getting to the same place. I'm not going to be anyone's doormat ever again. No pussy is worth losing respect for myself.
[–]MrEscher7 points8 points9 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
good for you dude.
way to recognize her manipulation.
I've been in relationships with weird power dynamics, it's really petty an unintelligent. You sound like you've got a lot going for yourself, congrats on the new job; and being able to 1) recognize the power dynamics, 2) being able to just walk away from an ex like that.
The only thing I'd say is that it's never really worth plating an X. There was some emotional connection so some degree, assuming that you're now going to just ignore that aspect and not let it impact you: I don't see the point of that. It's taxing on your energy and time, even if you consciously make the choice to not get involved you're emotions are not rational nor do the care about your plans. I find it best to put myself in situations that I'll thrive in or grow from.
You're future can not be found in the past, only lessons reside in that realm.
Part of me thinks you didn't just want to plate this girl though :/
[–]Lord_Yupa 1 points1 points1 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Yeah, now that I have experienced plating an X first-hand I won't do it again. Not worth it. I got my hopes up about our relationship taking on a more relaxed and open form, but every interaction with her left me feeling empty and unhappy. My post was the ending to a prolonged fizzling out.
It's difficult to put into words, but this girl and I had history. She was more like family to me than anyone I had dated in the past. I looked past her toxicity for a long time, for a lot of reasons, but primarily my unwillingness to see her for what she really was. Not to get all therapy-session on you, but she was essentially my parents wrapped into one person. I was her caretaker.
I am now taking a long break from relationships in general, as well as a good hard look at myself. Sort of a pseudo monk mode while focusing on my friends and family instead of dating. Happier than I've been in a long, long time.
[–]MrEscher4 points5 points6 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Infatuation is blinding, the honeymoon phase always ends and then the real person comes to light. Don't feel bad, just implement (as you have in your story) the principles here. Your time and attention are valuable. Don't put up with that crap.
you might be codependent. Look it up, it's fairly common but (not majorly) unhealthy. It seeps its way into all realms of relationships (platonic, romantic, professional) and sabotages your life experiences long term.
People who grow up having to take care of their parents (like I have) get used to that behavior, and feel comfortable in that situation in their adult life. They feel as if they need someone in their company in order to accomplish tasks. They find it difficult to have long periods of solitude in their life. But it's not healthy because you need to be independent if you want to thrive, not codependent. Codependency breeds superficial relationships whereby you are either using/being used by someone because you don't know how to be independent and self reliant. Do you have shitty friends, if so why do you keep them around?
It's the same with abusers, they grow up thinking that's the norm to be hyper aggressive and demeaning, but in reality that's not ok and not normal.
"my parents all wrapped into one" "caretaker" this is all eerily freudian. It sounds codependent.
"caretaker" is not healthy, you need to take care of yourself. Don't neglect you. But don't be self indulgent either.
It's good to take breaks, after I learned all this shit I just tried to get laid as much as possible, then things got empty and I tried to find someone worth being with.
Then I realized people will always judge me based on my status.
But that having high, non superficial but substantive, status can actually be fulfilling as it denotes a mastery of the domain (finance, social skills, fitness, reproductive fitness, intellect etc...). Who doesn't actually want to become a better version of themselves?
temporary monk mode is good but don't let it last forever.
sorry for the long post/armchair psychology. Take everything I say with a grain of salt, I'm just some dude on the internet.
[–]cashmoney_x23 points24 points25 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
"Just want people I can go to lunch with without drama and lame power games."
Ya, it's called male friends.
[–]1empatheticapathetic3 points4 points5 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You could do this with a female friend. But when it's a situation where you care about who thinks they're in power and that affects the relationship between the two of you (I.e. She is constantly rating you and it matters) then yeah it's a lot more work.
With a female friend who doesn't give a shit because you aren't trying to fuck her and she isn't interested anyway, then in my experience at least, they just defer to you with zero hassle or resistance. And it doesn't matter because not every interaction is a shit test (not that you'd care anyway).
[–]nihilismMattersTmro2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
godamn the power of "no" never ceases to amaze me.
It throws women so far off balance when you don't treat them like gold and are ready to walk away.
and if you actually do walk away? even better
love this story, thanks
[–]afkb39sdfb2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
There a 3.6 billion women on the planet, why are you getting together with your ex? You don't go to lunch with a plate either.
[–]LordThunderbolt2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
Oh look, you did what we've been preaching here this whole time but you chose to ignore because you're special and your ex is more specialer and your case is unique in the whole spread of the galaxy.
[–]Endorsed Contributorex_addict_bro2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
In other news, "do not eat paint" (c) u/ryan_stone
[–]LordThunderbolt0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's an original thought trademarked by him
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/057/817/e6a.png
[–]LordThunderbolt0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This one's on me: https://i.pinimg.com/736x/8a/62/ca/8a62ca60b42f7f3704ee48cc37c1b352--sweet-memes-offensive-memes.jpg
[–]verily_rp1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good job. I'm proud of you.
[–]doremix1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I caught myself imagining that after your epiphany you just threw the card away with a nonchalant gesture and walked away into the sunset.
Great story anyways.
[–]selfsufficientnigga 1 points1 points1 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Should have charged your own meal on her card too, and order the wrong thing for her.
[–]SPER 1 points1 points1 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Just because the ex is an ass, doesn't mean you have to be a bigger asshole
I didn't say it means you have to be a bigger asshole.
But you can be. It's liberating and fun.
[–]nihilismMattersTmro1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is one thing I've realized over recent months. I have the power to act in any way in any situation. I don't have to be an ass... but I can be.
Not caring about the outcome of any given situation is very liberating for me. I'm still not great at it, but this sub has helped me a lot.
[–]italianking132 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't see the point in plating an ex. Tell that bitch to get gone.
[–]1PantsonFire12343 points4 points5 points 8 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
And she wore me down at all turns in order to take control.
This really annoys me about modern mentally disordered women. They want a dominant guy so badly yet they constantly push to get control. Seriously girl if you want a real man stop trying to boss him around.
What they want is impossible. They want the guy they can't get and they want to control this guy because they are so OCD and insecure about just being a submissive girl for this guy.
Women need a smack in their face or this will only get worse I promise you.
GTFO with this bullshit. Advocating for violence against women is exactly why people think this Sub is a hate group.
[–]1PantsonFire12341 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Christ Sally get off your high horse. A firm hand isn't gonna kill them. They are already craving it during sex. This whole equal respects thing/only submissive in the bedroom bullshit has to go. Men are top dog women are not, simple.
I'm not sure if you've noticed but there's already a war for power going on between men and women. And right now it's getting increasingly more difficult for men to do their job to maintain society.
All these endless shit tests are good and fun but eventually they become an energy drain like OP stated. Women can afford to play shit games like that because they've got nothing better to do.
Also I don't give a flying fuck what other people think off this sub. Most people haven't progressed beyond the age of 16 in terms of maturity. Most people hold phony beliefs that aren't even their own, just imprinted through the media and popular bias.
Meanwhile women get stoned in the middle east and you are throwing a bitch fit because I'm stating that a good hard slap might set them straigth. You really need to get your priorities straightened up man.
[–]AnAltForTRP 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I can sense anger from your post. Why?
[–]1PantsonFire12342 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Probably because you are projecting.
[–]MultiverseWolf0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you need force to assert dominance, you're already doing it wrong.
[–]kandy882 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Why were you going for lunch with her in the first place?
[–]mflatt231 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There's no reason to ever meet or plate an ex IMO. Move on, there are other women out there who can satisfy your needs without the drama. It's also personally satisfying to know you don't need someone like that in your life anymore...
[–]PillTheRed1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Did everyone stand up and clap when you walked away?
[–]1 Endorsed Contributormordanus0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Great post man. You handled this really well.
[–]Narcissist4560 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Holy shit this chics a total cunt how the hell did you deal with her, even as just a plate ?
[–]KCBrowsin 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You did the right thing OP. While going to lunch with an Ex wouldve been a red sign, you handled it well and came out on top. I bet the satisfaction of saying "um No, i cannot pay for your lunch, we arn't together" must've felt great.
[–]massivewang0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Was dating a drama queen for a bit myself. On a Friday night I invited her out to celebrate a friend's birthday. She texts back
"My sister is sick, I'm taking care of her. I had a hard week at work and I'm mad at you. You didn't ask me about any of this. Leave me alone and don't talk to me for a few days"
I reply
"OK"
I proceed to go out for the night and have a ball (including a few chicks of the group being into me). Anyway I get a message the next night from her asking to talk. I show up at her apartment on Sunday and she opens with.
"You need to treat me better"
My reply:
"You're welcome to feel however you'd like, I can't dictate your feelings. With that said, if you're having a rough week, and don't feel like I'm attentive, communicate that to me. Don't try to punish me on Friday night when I'm looking forward to spend time with you and have fun with my friends. That behavior is unacceptable. You're an adult, use your words to communicate your frustrations. Don't bottle them up and blow up at the most inconvenient moments."
Anyway she pulled a lot of shit like that, which I never fell for, and is why I stopped seeing her.
[–]DPestWork0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why would an adult ask you out to lunch if they couldn't pay for their food? I probably would have caved in the moment. Then waiting in line said "F this" and get myself food before bailing.
[+]wheel_-12 points-11 points-10 points 8 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Let me be devil's advocate:
Don't take things personal, and life will be much easier.
Also, aren't field reports supposed to include some sort of closure? This post seems to be more of a rant.
[–]RealityTastesGreat25 points26 points27 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The attempted manipulation here is blantant. If OP doesnt draw the line here, then where?
[–]cashmoney_x7 points8 points9 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Stop hamstering your insecurity/weakness.
[–]LavaPipe5 points6 points7 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Mate shut up. She was trying to use him as free meal ticket. She invited him out to lunch and then tries to put him on the spot by stating while they’re in line that she now doesn’t have the money. She’s full of shit and so are you for attempting to justify it.
[–]2awalt_cupcake5 points6 points7 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
you sound like a loser who doesnt even realize he gets walked over daily
[–]KCBrowsin 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Zoom out of the situation and see it.
What could've possibly been achieved from it all? Lunching with an ex that you have no interest in developing further relations (due to her obvious personality flaws). What would have been the point? There was really no point, in fact OP earned himself respect in her eyes and she is likely regretting her actions. He drew her out by going on a "date" with her and cut her off at the most crucial moment. That kind of satisfaction is rare.
[–]Risesu-1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You ramdomly leaving makes you look...weird..but who cares i guess
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[–]LavaPipe5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]2awalt_cupcake5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]KCBrowsin 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Risesu-1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link